What might have been
by TheLittle MissVixen
Summary: They met on a cold December night.Fell in love the very next day. She was to be with him forever and theirs was to be the most epic love story. But as fast as it arrived, it disappeared; leaving a trail of pain and broken hearts behind. Now, on another cold night they meet again and they can't help but wonder if their love can be enough to keep them afloat this time.
1. Someone I used to know

**Hello there,**

 **Like I mentioned earlier this year I've been working on several projects for Damon and Elena this last few months so I think it's already time to present you guys with another one. I got the inspiration for this one from Adele's When we were young and The Lumineers's Sleep on the floor (if you haven't watched this music video please go and watch it right now because it's just a masterpiece) I really really hope you like this one so if you have anything to say please just let me a review.**

 **I want to thank Amy (Ukarnaj68) for taking a chance on me and agreeing to be my beta for this one.**

 **Here we go.**

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 _If by chance you're here alone, can I have a moment before I go?_  
 _'Cause I've been by myself all night long_  
 _Hoping you're someone I used to know_

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 **NEW YORK CITY**

 **PRESENT TIME**

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Elena Gilbert closed her apartment door and slumped against it sighing. Her head was throbbing, her feet were aching and her stomach was growling. Today had been an especially depressing day, one of those where you feel everything bad is happening to you and that you have the worst life possible, so the only thing she wanted to do was lock herself in her house and shut off the world around her.

Elena knew she probably wasn't being fair, she had it much better than a lot of other people out there and it wasn't like her life was bad, it wasn't yet she couldn't stop the growing feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her what a great disillusionment she was.

She walked further into her beautiful apartment, located in the heart of Manhattan the place was a complete gem; with beige walls and super tall ceilings, it was decorated with expensive wooden furniture and had floor to roof windows that overlooked New York city skyline but most importantly it was hers, albeit it had been a gift from her father but she didn't like to dwell too much on that thought.

She walked into the spacious living room and dropped herself in one of the luxurious velvety cream couches while simultaneously releasing her purse into the wooden floor.

"One more day Elena" She murmured "A million more to go" Elena knew she was being over dramatic but she guessed after the horrible day she had it was her right to be this intense. Didn't we all deserve to have at least one day where we can complain about everything we don't like in our lives without having someone bothering us about how grateful we should be about what we have?

Well, today was that day for her.

She heard the ping of her phone inside her purse and twisted her body so she could retrieve the offending device from the floor; the name of one of her best friend's appeared on the screen signaling a new message.

Elena exhaled loudly when she saw that Bonnie wanted her to accompany her to an art exhibit in a couple of hours, she quickly typed an excuse knowing fully well that her friend would be able to call on her bullshit but she didn't care, she didn't feel like doing anything tonight.

She remained in the couch staring at her towering ceilings for a couple of minutes before mustering all of her strength and standing up, heading towards the kitchen and pulling out a bottle of rosé while she nibbled on a couple of crackers. She poured herself a glass and walked towards the bathroom to start running a bath; she sprinkled the water with salt and even dropped a bath bomb all while contemplating where her life had gone so wrong.

Reality was so far away from the hopeful dreams she created when she was young and filled with expectations for the bright future that for sure was ahead of her.

And it wasn't fair of her to pin the blame on him, he had done nothing but arrive in her life with a swirl of passion surrounding him, everything that happened after he was gone was all on her, she was the one who let life suck out of her every ounce of hope she ever had while believing to be doing exactly what she dreamed her entire life to do.

As she shed her clothes her mind drifted back to careless days in Chinatown and picnics in central park, to a crowded pub in the middle of winter and ice skating in Rockefeller center.

Yeah, she knew exactly what she wanted her life to look like and it was nothing like what she was experiencing. But why? Why did her life turned into something she didn't quite like when she did everything in her power to follow the dreams and goals she set herself as a small girl?

Elena lowered herself into the steaming water and sighed when it hit her skin, the lavender smell calming her senses and the wine she was ingesting dulling everything inside her.

Why was she complaining anyway? She had the job of her dreams! Granted, said job hadn't been exactly what she expected but now she worked in one of the most important fashion magazines in the country and received a lot of money for doing what she always dreamed of doing.

Elena rested her head against the tub and thought about how naïve and innocent she had been when she was fifteen and thought every woman in her thirties knew what they were doing. She wondered briefly if that was what this whole depression thing was about, the big thirties had arrived and she had no idea what she was doing with her life.

She was stuck in a job she didn't enjoy anymore; she remained single as her mother liked to recall every Friday in their fancy family dinners; she still had no idea how to change her own tires and she wasn't having the time of her life or night outs in the city like Carrie Bradshaw had promised.

On top of that she still cried every time Kate & Leopold was in TV, she still refused to enter any Italian places (this was a particular difficult one because she loved Italian food) and every Christmas she still went to Rockefeller center and stood in front of the beautiful Christmas tree and cried her heart out while strangers all walked pass her giving her the stinky eye.

At this point in her life she felt like she was a woman stuck in the past who hadn't managed to do anything important with her life at the age of thirty. She contemplated the idea of sinking into the tub and letting the water fill her lungs but she knew that Caroline and Bonnie would never recover from that plus they had gotten her tickets for Anastasia next week and since she really wanted to see Dimitri she chose to stay afloat and suck it up one more time.

Deep blue eyes appeared behind her closed ones and she felt the air being sucked out of her chest. Damon Salvatore, the man who had changed her entire world with just a twist of his mouth, the man with whom she had spent the happiest and the saddest moments of her life.

From the second he appeared on her life Elena knew that he was the man she would love forever, the man she would compare to every other. Their love had burned so bright and so fast that she wondered now if maybe that was the problem, loving someone so much couldn't be healthy and couldn't last forever.

And it didn't.

Because that sort of things only worked out in Hallmark movies and in the romance novels that crowded her bookshelf. In real life, love wasn't enough to keep a relationship afloat.

Damon and she had gone their separate ways but her love for him hadn't stopped, not even for a second. She wondered briefly how she had been so stupid to let that man slip through her fingers or if with time their feelings would have deteriorated to something ugly like she thought it would do. She guessed that now she would never know, for Damon Salvatore was no longer hers. She could still remember the raw pain that had eaten at her when she saw the pictures of his wedding online. She didn't think of him too often, most of the times she managed to lock him up in a recess of her mind she refused to dwell, on but there were moments like tonight when her guard was low, and he would pop up, unwanted and painful.

She opened her eyes and willed his memory out of her head, too many tears had been shed because of him already, Damon would always be the one who got away and there was no use in dwelling on it, not anymore.

* * *

"Can you tell me again why I agreed to this?" Elena whined in the back of the Uber where she sat sandwiched between two of her best friends.

"Because it's Friday and you need to stop being a hermit" Her blonde friend, Caroline, chastised her while she adjusted the strap of her tight blue dress. "You turned thirty so what? That's not the end of the world!"

"I just came because Caroline promised me free drinks" Bonnie said from the other side of her as Elena sighed.

They had ambushed her today after work; forcing her to get into a too tight red dress she hadn't worn in too long; curling her hair and even applying her make up before dragging her out of her apartment and into the bar where the love of Caroline's life worked. Well, she claimed he was the love of her life but the poor man didn't know about her friend's existence or her obsession with him.

"We are going because today is the day hottie bartender will know I am meant to be his wife and have his babies" Caroline said with a wide grin while she fixed her lipstick in the compact and the driver chuckled from the front seat.

"Sometimes I wonder why we're friends"

"We are friends because I am the sunshine of your life"

Elena had no words to refute that because the blonde was actually right. Bonnie and Caroline were her best friends and the ones she could always rely on, she had met the first one since they were toddlers because their parents were also friends but Elena had met the blonde girl in a school in Paris many years ago and they had both ended up working for the same magazine.

Elena had been in a very dark place around that time and Caroline had taken her under her wing and helped her get out of that depressing stage of her life and for that the brunette was going to be forever grateful.

The girls arrived at the bar, a little picturesque and classy place Elena had never heard of, they walked inside with their arms linked together and sat in one of the booths in back where they could see the bar but still be shielded enough not to be spotted gawking at the bartender.

Elena had to admit that for a minute there they did seemed to be out of an episode from Sexy and the city and she thought that maybe she wasn't as different to Carrie as she believed, the sassy blonde never seemed to have things under control and that was something they had in common, although she did wondered how she managed to purchase so many designer shoes, that was something Elena still hadn't been able to do even though she was quite a successful working woman.

Caroline had turned into mush the minute they saw the bartender working his magic behind the bar, the man was handsome Elena had to give him that. He had forest green eyes and spiked light brown hair, he was tall and athletic with tick eyebrows and straight nose, he had seemed incredibly familiar to Elena since the moment she saw him but her mind wasn't cooperating with her.

"Okay I'm going" Caroline adjusted her boobs in the dress and stood up only to return five seconds later without even reaching the bar

"What happened?" Bonnie asked when the blonde girl sat down once again.

"I can't. What if he doesn't like me?"

Elena and Bonnie shared a surprised look before taking their attention back to their friend "If he doesn't like you than he's probably gay" Elena offered with a small smile. Caroline was the most confident person she had ever met so it came of as quite a surprise to see her tangled like this because of a man.

"Elena is right, there's no way he can resist your charms" Bonnie encouraged her.

"And what if he's gay?" Caroline said completely horrified "I don't think my heart could take that"

Her friends laughed while shaking their heads slightly "No one that cute can be gay" Bonnie offered.

"Matt Boomer begs to differ" Elea murmured before focusing her attention back on her friend "But I don't think this one is gay and my spidy senses are never wrong. So you go and get that man"

The blonde girl nodded "You're absolutely right, but I think I might need this a bit more of this" She said taking the pint of dark beer in front of her and sipping greedily.

Elena laughed as her eyes moved back to the hottie bartender; her neurons clicking together making her remember exactly where she had seen him before, pictures. She had seen him in pictures.

As if her mind was conjuring the memories to life she saw a tall dark haired man approaching the bar as the bartender smiled in his direction. He was wearing dark jeans and a button down dark blue shirt, his hair was a lot shorter than she remembered and he was less thin and more built but she would have known him anywhere.

"Elena…?" She could hear Caroline and Bonnie talking to her but it was all background noise, Elena couldn't focus on anything but the man a few feet away from her.

The man who had known her inside out, who had known the deepest parts of her soul, the one who broke her and put her back together at the same time.

He shook hands with the other man and chatted away with him a few seconds until as if sensing he was being stared at he turned around. His blue eyes widening in surprise when he spotted her, they shone with nostalgia as they travelled the length of her.

Her mind went back to freshmen year of college, to a small dorm and kisses under the sheets; she could smell the pizza and cheap beer in the air, the taste of vodka and lemonade seemed fresh on her tongue and she even felt his butterfly kisses on her skin.

"Elena, are you okay?" Caroline asked and she realized her hands were trembling, her heart was beating a mile a minute in her ribcage and she felt ill, just because the sight of him.

"Damon…" She whispered briefly and missed the widening eyes of her friends because she was too focused in the way his expression changed when he saw his name on her lips.

A small smile curved his lips as he started walking towards her. Damon Salvatore the only man she ever loved was walking towards her after ten years. If this wasn't the cherry on top of her shitty week she didn't know what it was.

"The Damon Salvatore?" She heard Caroline murmur but couldn't tear her eyes off him, of his confident stride and clenched jaw. His eyes still shined the same and as the so familiar smirk started to form in his mouth Elena felt like crying.

"Hello Elena" His voice was like a song she never listened to anymore but of the one she still knew every word, and it caressed her skin like silk.

There he was, standing in front of her after so long. Ten years vanished as they stared at each other like it was the first time and just like that Damon Salvatore was once again back in the game.


	2. The best and worst hours of my life

**Hello guys!**

 **I hope you're all doing okay, yesterday we celebrated a year since TVD ending and we got our Delena endgame so that really got me in the mood which is why I am posting a new chapter today, the updates for this story might be a bit slow so please bear with me. I really hope you're enjoying it and that you can take a bit of time to leave a review. I want to thank Amy for being the beta for this and for doing such a great job at it.**

 **Please, enjoy**

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" _I owe to you the best and perhaps the worst hours of my life, and that is a bond that cannot be torn apart"_

 **-Jorge Luis Borges-**

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 **NEW YORK CITY**

 **DECEMBER, 2004**

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Elena took a sip of the beer she was trying to pretend she liked while 'The Reason' by Hoobastank blasted from the speakers of the small pub her friends had dragged her into. Today marked the end of her second month in NYU, eight weeks in and she hadn't gone off campus at all so her roommate Rebekah had dragged her with other girls to a pub near campus where her current boyfriend worked.

Elena had never been close to her parents. They were the kind of parents who were always travelling and vacationing without their kids. Her mother was always at charity functions or country clubs and her father was always working or God knows where, so Elena and her brother Jeremy had to figure out how to handle themselves alone.

Luckily for them, her aunt Jenna was always around; she was her mother's sister and was a crazy and funny theater seamstress who had instilled in her a love for fashion and vintage clothing. It was Jeremy and her who Elena was missing and of who she had been thinking the last two weeks.

So she was grateful that her friend had convinced her to go out, since she was currently having so much fun; she had been so sad missing her brother and aunt, nervous about her new life at college and trying to adjust to classes that she barely got any time to have fun and socialize.

She was currently leaning over the pool table trying to beat Rebekah, whose brothers had taught how to play. Her flowy, lacy black dress had ridden up probably more than it should and had gotten the attention of a couple of guys, one in particular.

Liam.

He was in two or three of her classes and Elena found him incredible obnoxious, he was always saying the wrong things and breathing down her neck, Elena hated having his attention and that was currently ruining the mood for her.

"Get lost" Rebekah told him when he asked Elena out once again; "She already told you no"

Rebekah Mikaelson was a tall, loud blonde girl, Elena joked around that she looked like a Barbie but could give a sailor a run for his money; the blonde girl always told her it was the result of growing up with four brothers.

They were complete opposites; Elena was quiet and bit shy when you first got to know her, but with time she revealed to be sassy, cheeky and reserved at the same time. Rebekah on the other hand had no reserve, but somehow, they clicked together and were slowly becoming great friends, something Elena needed since her best friend Bonnie had chosen to go to Princeton.

"Just one coffee Gilbert, just one," he said. Elena rolled her eyes before hitting the ball and failing epicly. "I'll give you better luck"

"You can give me better luck Liam!" April, one of the girls who surrounded the table told him and he send a flirty smile in her direction. Elena snorted as she straightened up, Liam thought he was God gift to human kind and she didn't like that one bit, he wasn't that cool.

"I'm not interested Liam" She said looking at him straight in the face

"Why not? Come on just go out with me"

"And who do you think you are asking the future mother of my children out?" A tall dark haired man with the most beautiful blue eyes and captivating smile she had ever seen walked towards her and placed his arm around her shoulders.

"And who are you?" Liam asked irritably

The stranger looked down to Elena and his lips lifted in a smirk "Well I am the future father of her children" She stared at him dumbstruck for a few seconds before reacting.

"You see Liam, this is why I can't go out with you" She gave him a wide grin and his jaw clenched before raising his hands in the air and walking back.

"Sorry man, I thought she was free" He muttered

"You thought wrong" The stranger said sternly.

Liam nodded and headed in direction of April who was more than happy to have his attention to herself now. Rebekah mouthed 'OH MY GOD' from across the table at her and her cheeks flushed red when she lifted her eyes to the handsome stranger.

"Honestly, if he backed away that easily, then he was so not worthy"

She smiled in spite of herself; the man seemed a bit older than her and was without a doubt the most handsome man she ever met; his eyes were so blue and compelling, his jaw was to die for and his cheeks had a rosy tint that made him look so adorable. Besides that, he exuded sexual appeal like no one she met before and when he smiled his whole face lit up like a torch.

"So future wife, what is your name?"

She stepped away from his embrace with a chuckle "You're very confident."

"Not really. Well, maybe a little, but mostly I believe in fate" He took the cue stick from her hand and moved it from hand to hand in front of him.

She quirked an eye brown in his direction, a smile permanently etched on her face "Fate?"

He handed the cue stick to one of the other girls by the table, who were watching the exchange between them eagerly "Yes and it's fate what brought us together in this fine winter day"

She chuckled and extended her hand to him "I'm Elena"

He took her hand "Nice to meet you Elena, I'm Damon" He placed a kiss on top of it and made her blush for the second time that day.

"And what are you doing here, Damon?"

"I came here to meet you"

"Smooth"

His lips stretched in a wide grin "What are you drinking?"

"Uhm…" she lifted the bottle to him and he laughed

"Aren't you a little young to be drinking?" He looked at her questioningly.

She looked at him sheepishly "it's college… are you going to turn me in?"

"Of course not, but since I think that might not be of your liking, why don't we get you something else"

"I don't accept drinks from strangers"

"Then don't. You can come to ask for your lemonade yourself" He said and offered his arm for her to take.

"Lemonade?" She looked at his arm; it was toned and was dusted with dark hair. Elena had never thought much about forearms before but now she couldn't think on something sexier than his.

He winked at her "We'll ask for some vodka in it"

Elena laughed but accepted his arm; Rebekah looked at her questioningly, so she gave her a quick, reassuring glance and fired her a quick text telling her she was going to be fine and that it was all right if she left with her boyfriend. After all wasn't this what college was about?

They sat in a booth placed in the corner of the small pub, their shoulders rubbing against each other as they sipped their drinks and talked about their lives. Elena found out she really liked lemonade with vodka, so Damon had to stopped her after her second one because he wasn't trying to get her drunk.

Elena felt puzzled because of his behavior, he was obviously showing interest in her, but he didn't seem like he was trying to get into her pants and wasn't that all boys in college wanted?

"So how old are you Damon?" Elena said as she picked an onion ring of the basket he had ordered for them.

"I'll turn twenty three in a couple of weeks"

Elena smiled at him "An older man, I like that" She said cheekily.

Damon laughed softly under his breath "I would hardly call myself an older man" He told her as he leaned closer and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "There's only five years between us, little one"

Elena rolled her eyes at him before taking another piece of food from the basket "So law school?"

"Yep" He said as he leaned down and bit into the onion ring on her hand, Elena stared at him with her lips parted finding herself weirdly turned on by his actions.

"You'll be a big shot lawyer then?" She asked after she took a few minutes to compose herself "A great catch for a husband right?"

"That's what I've been trying to say for the last half hour" He said throwing his hands in the air and leaned back on the seat "Stick with me, sunshine, and I'll show you the world"

Elena laughed delighted at his man's attitude, he was so confident on his own skin, so carefree and light hearted. After spending only minutes with him, she already felt like all her worries had slipped away to somewhere she couldn't reach.

She felt like she was floating.

"And where would we live, here in the city?" she asked following him in his game.

"Of course! Who would ever want to leave New York?" He asked as if the notion itself was outrageous "But we might have to get a house in the outskirts because it would have to be a big one to hold our four children"

Elena almost choked on her drink "Four children?"

"Yeah, the twins will be born a couple of years after we marry" He said caressing his chin in a thinking motion "And once they're three, our boy will be born and two years after that, our little girl"

Elena chuckled "You've really thought this through, haven't you?"

"Of course. It all came to me in flashes when I watched you leaning over that pool table" His lips formed a smirk and he leaned closer to her, his smell intoxicating her senses and making her want to throw herself at him.

At eighteen years old Elena had only dated one boy, Matt Donovan; they knew each other since they were children, he was her high school sweetheart and had been her first in everything but if she was honest with herself she never felt towards Matt the kind of passion or excitement she heard people talked about. He was a nice boy and she was comfortable with him but she never craved him or felt desire burn in her for him, so for her it was only natural to end things up with him before she headed to college.

He stayed behind in Mystic Falls, Virginia where Elena was sure he was going to spend the rest of his life because that was the kind of man he was; loving, sweet, dedicated to his family and his town but sadly he wasn't enough for her. She wanted more, wanted to feel the kind of love songs talked about, she wanted that burning all-consuming need to be with someone.

Right now, sitting here with this man she just met, Elena was sure he would be the kind of person who would devour her whole, that Damon was a man who loved deeply and that somehow meeting him wasn't an accident. She was meant to know Damon and the question now was whether he would be good for her or not.

"Being serious here, where do you see yourself in ten years Damon?" He smiled at her and leaned back in his seat, Elena admired the confidence that oozed out of him

"In ten years I'll be 33 so hopefully I'll be married and with a baby on the way" He gave her a suggestive smile and she couldn't help but laugh at him "I'll be a big shot lawyer earning enough money to live well and to take cases without charging to help people"

"Wow, that's very ambitious!"

"I am an ambitious guy," He smirked "What about you, where do you see yourself in ten years?"

Elena sighed and seemed to think on her answer for a while "In ten years I'll be twenty-eight so hopefully I'll be engaged" She gave him a look to let him know their plans didn't match but he shrugged as if it wasn't important "I'll have a place of my own, and I'll be working at Cosmopolitan or Elle"

He nodded in appreciation "Nice, I like a girl who knows what she wants"

The drinks kept flowing as time seemed to fly away, they laughed until tears sprung from their eyes and their bellies hurt. Elena couldn't remember having so much fun before tonight; she honestly couldn't remember feeling so in tune with someone else. Good looks aside, Damon was a really interesting man and a joy to be around.

When the clock struck midnight, he asked for the check and refused to accept any money from her, he took her coat from her hands and helped her with it, then he took her hand like it was the most natural thing in the world and led her outside the pub.

"How are you liking New York?" He asked as they strolled back to campus, it was a chilly night and his cheeks were tainted red from where the cold was biting his skin.

"I haven't seen much of it; honestly, I'm a bit overwhelmed if I'm being honest," she replied while looking at him, he was one hell of a good looking man.

"How is that possible?" His eyes widened in evident surprise "It's the city that has it all - I can't believe you haven't run around it yet. Overwhelming how?"

She laughed under her breath, his eyes going to their linked hands. She had no idea why having her hand in his felt like the most right thing in the world "I come from a small city where everyone knows everyone and suddenly I'm dropped her into this crazy blur of activity where I don't know anyone. I mean, I'm sure I could get lost in Central Park alone"

He laughed wholeheartedly, his body shaking with the strength of it "Of course not, that's insane, I am naming myself your official tour guide in the marvelous city of New York"

"Oh yeah?" She quirked an eye brown in his direction, a sassy smile playing on her lips.

"Yep" He answered stressing out the 'p' "You will fall in love of this city in no time under my tutelage," he told her. Elena didn't doubt it for a minute; she was already half in love with him after a couple of hours together.

"Well then, Damon, I believe you," she answered as they approached her building. He opened the door and they walked inside to the warm calmness of the inside, they walked up the stairs in silence until they reached her door. Elena knew Rebekah was not inside and probably would stay the night with her boyfriend, so she decided to be bold for the first time in her life "Are you coming in, Damon?"

He gave her a cheeky smile as his eyes drank her in, they burned with desire and she felt a shiver going down her spine at the sight of them. "There's nothing I want more than that, but I'll have to pass"

As if a bucket of water was thrown at her, her body went cold "What?" her cheeks were burning with embarrassment. "Why?"

He leaned down and placed a strand of hair behind her ear "I don't want a one-night stand with you, Elena; I want to see you again. Take you out, so no I won't sleep with you tonight, not yet."

"That is…" She trailed off not even knowing what to say. He had seem genuinely interested; she was sure he wouldn't reject her - that's why she had asked him inside. What kind of man rejected a one night stand?

"That doesn't mean I can't do this" He whispered before leaning his head and taking her lips in a kiss. Elena immediately closed her eyes, his lips were soft against hers as they moved, his hands cradled her face gently and she almost wanted to weep at the tenderness of his touch. There was a magnetism between them, electricity she had never felt before. In that moment, Elena knew that Damon was going to be one of a kind, she knew that this man who was kissing her was going to brand himself in her soul.

The wet sound of their tongues playing against each other was the only thing that could be heard in the deserted hallway, he had her pressed against the door and with her hands tangled in his hair as she moaned into his mouth, then suddenly and without warning he broke apart, his lips resting inches above hers "Goodnight, Elena" He whispered "Tomorrow, 9 o'clock, I'll bring breakfast"

"Okay" That seemed to be the only word she was able to muster after that earth-shattering kiss that left her wanting more. He pecked her lips one last time before pulling away and smiling at her.

"I'll be counting the hours to see you, Beautiful." He kissed her forehead before turning around and heading towards the stairs, Elena remained slumped against her door as a wide grin broke across her face.

Who would have thought that listening to Rebekah and finally getting out would turn out to be so productive?

* * *

 **So?**


	3. The song about us

_**Hello!**_

 _ **I want to say thank you so much for reading this story and taking the time to leave a review, I'm so happy with the response this story it's getting and I'm so glad you're enjoying it. Yes, it's going to be a heartbreaker but I promise you it's going to be worth it. A lot of this story is going to be developed in past time but we are getting some snippets into the future so please do not worry about that.**_

 _ **I want to thank Amy for being the beta on this and making sure this work is good enough for you guys.**_

 _ **Now, please enjoy!**_

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 _"I don't know if you will be able to read this letter, but even so I still feel the need to tell you that I have been happier with you than what books say you can be. Forgive me if so many times I kept complaining about nonsenses. One day you told me that I had the face of a woman to who people always comes back to and I want you to know that I wait for you now or whenever and wherever and however."_

 **-Eduardo Galeano-**

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The next day Elena woke up with a huge smile etched into her face; she snuggled into the covers as she remembered her encounter with Damon the night before. She still couldn't believe something like that had happened to her, it had been her movie moment and even if she never saw him again she would very satisfied with the amazing moment he gifted her last night.

Elena stretched her arms above her head and with a sigh, finally left her bed, she took out her clothes and headed into the bathroom to take a shower while humming Collide by Howie Day, she was in a good mood and wanted everyone to know about it. She had never been one to sing in the shower but that day she sung until her voice started to get raspy. Once she was done, she dressed herself with a pair of tight jeans and a blue thermal since the weather was still chilly, and headed back to her room while brushing her long hair. There, she found Damon sitting on the floor with his back to her door and a small picnic basket plus two cups of coffee next to him.

"Hey there stranger" Elena said as the smile stretched across her face.

His face lifted up at the sound of her voice and the smile that appeared on his lips was enough to rob her of her breath. "Hello yourself" He told her while standing up and handing her a cup of coffee "I promised you breakfast" Damon leaned down and kissed her cheek softly, she breathed in and inhaled the woodsy and minty smell he carried around.

"To be honest, I didn't expect you to come back." she said.

He took his hands to his chest in a dramatic gesture "I'm outraged you could think something like that" The twitch on his lips gave away the fact that her assumption amused him. "I offered to show you my home, and I, Elena Gilbert never back down."

She chuckled while she gestured for him to move so she could open the door. "Let me just get my bag and we can get going." She walked inside with him trailing behind her and smiled as she watched him examine everything in her room.

"Everything is very neat" He chuckled as he looked at the perfectly made up beds and sparkly floors. If there was something Rebekah and Elena shared was their need to have everything immaculately clean in their room.

"I'm guessing yours is different" Elena said while applying lip-gloss and a bit of makeup powder.

Damon made a tsk sound as he let himself fall into a fuscia puff Elena had at the foot of her bed "It's rude to make assumptions, future Mrs. Salvatore" She snickered when she saw him sunk in all that bright pink color "I happen to be a bit OCD about cleaning"

"Really?" She said raising an eye brow and looking at him

"You'd be surprised." She took her purse, which was resting in the closet, and offered him her hands so he could stand up. He accepted them and she swore an electric shock went through her when their hands touched. "Time to go, Miss Gilbert"

"And where are we going, Mr. Salvatore?" she asked as he opened the door with one hand and grabbed the basket with another. She offered to take it but he refused.

"I am going to make sure you don't get lost in Central Park." They walked down the hallway and he placed a protective hand across her back making Elena's inner self squeal with excitement; she even imagined her own Lizzie Maguire fawning over the man next to her. "We're having a picnic there, and then I'll take you to the Empire State Building and the Top Of The Rock"

"A touristic trip?" She asked

"That's correct; this week I'm going to take you to all the tourist sites that make this the best city in the world," he said proudly, Elena found it incredibly adorable how proud he was of his city "And next week, I'm taking to all the non-tourist places that make this city the best in the world"

She beamed at the idea of spending more time with him. "And you give all girls you meet in pubs this tour through your city?"

He threw his head back as he laughed "Fishing for compliments, Miss Gilbert?" his eyes twinkled as he looked down at her. "You're the first girl who's been lucky enough to have me as her tour guide"

She bit her lip to contain her laugh and tried to tell herself not to get her hopes up. Men as beautiful as Damon were generally as cunning as they were handsome, and he could be easily lying to her. "Come on, stop over thinking" He threw an arm around her shoulder and pushed her to him as they headed towards the subway.

During their ride, Damon told her more about himself; he was the older of two brothers, his little brother Stefan was studying art in Spain and was Elena's age. His parents had split up when Damon was ten because his father's inability to stay sober and away from gambling, his mother Lily came from a wealthy family and when she and his father split up they moved with their grandparents to the upper east side.

Damon said they came from really old money but his mother never let any of that get to their heads, his grandparents had been heart broken when their daughter decided to marry an Italian man who didn't have a responsible bone in his body but Lily had been so in love with him they could nothing to keep them apart, thirteen years later they welcomed them into their house and had been nothing but loving towards them.

Elena spoke about her family as well, Mystic Fall's royalty, but left out the fact she and her parents didn't really get along and instead told him about crazy Aunt Jenna and her little brother whose dream was to create a graphic novel.

"He's really talented," she said proudly as they entered Central Park.

"You're a proud big sister, aren't you?" he asked with a smile as he gave her his hand to help her down a set of stairs

"That obvious?"

"Yeah"

They found a secluded enough spot where they could sit and he proceeded to arrange all of the things he brought inside the basket.

"Luckily for me the only thing I got from my father was my love for Italian food, so I want to share you a bit of my heritage here" He pulled out a pair of subs that looked huge and smelled marvelously

"What's in there?" Elena asked as her mouth watered.

"This is the Damon Special" He said proudly while handing her one of the subs

"Damon Special?" She asked with a chuckle

He closed his eyes as he brought his own sub to his face and inhaled the scent. "Italian bread, salami, ham, mortadella, provolone cheese, tomato, olive oil and my favorite…mozzarella"

"Damn, this looks amazing" Elena said while unwrapping her food.

He pulled out a bag of chips and two cherry colas. "Now these are very American but I'll make it up with this" He said while taking out two slices of tiramisu that made Elena's mouth water.

"Dude, you can't be good for my figure"

"Nonsense," he said with a dismissive gesture "I'm part Italian, we eat a lot," he said, gesturing towards his incredibly flat belly. "I can always help you work out." He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner which made Elena's cheeks taint with red.

They proceeded to dig in and with every moan Elena left out after another bite Damon felt himself getting more and more aroused. It had been strange for him; the instant pull he felt towards her. Damon was a man who was used to have woman around him and he took advantage of it, but never before had he felt such need to be with someone, if Stefan could hear his thoughts right now, he would probably make fun of him, but the truth was there was something pulling him to Elena and he wanted to figure out what it was.

Once their meal was over, they lay down on the grass and startled talking about things they wanted for the future, their hands were resting at their sides barely touching "Honestly? I really love Sex and the City, and I hope I can have fun like them once I hit thirty"

He threw his head and laughed so hard that even his belly started to ache "My mom loves that show. So what? You're waiting for a Mr. Big to come sweep you off your feet?"

"Or an Aiden"

"Or a Damon," he said with a smirk as he moved to lie on his side and extended his hand to trace her cheek softly. She inhaled deeply; words seemed to get stuck in her throat "I think a Damon would be better"

"Yeah, a Damon could beat them all" She told him softly as she moved closer to him. His lips tipped up in a smile, as he let his forehead drop into hers.

"So, would you let me be part of that Sex and the City future?" he asked. They were so close that their lips were almost touching.

"Do you want to?"

"Yes, yes I do" He moved forward and joined their lips together. She moaned into his mouth as he rolled over her, his leg moving to rest between hers as their tongues danced with each other.

Elena could hear the birds and the people in the background, the sun across her face, the minty scent of Damon, and the smell of the grass filling her nostrils, and imagined this was what a perfect moment should feel like, with his body on top of hers and their lips joined. Once they broke apart, they still remained lying in the grass for a few seconds before packing up and going to tour around the park.

They laughed endlessly as he took her to different points of the park including the damn Balto statue she wanted to see so badly and where she forced him to take a million pictures. Afterwards, they headed towards the Empire State Buildling where they bought too much useless memorabilia. But seeing her face light up as she looked down from the top was worth every single penny.

"Are you seriously going to make me walk all that?!" She shrieked as they stood at the edge of the Brooklyn bridge. "Why can't we take a bike instead?"

"Because this is better," as he took her hand and started dragging her, "Plus, I don't know how to ride one"

"What?!" She squealed and dug her heels in forcing him to stop "You can't ride a bike?"

He looked embarrassed as he stared at her, "I don't think the whole bridge heard you, you can be louder." She chuckled and moved to him, hugging him by the waist.

"You're adorable," she whispered against his chest.

"Exactly what a man wants to hear," he muttered. She laughed before releasing him and started running towards the bridge. "What are you doing woman?" he shouted after her.

"I'm going in"

He ran towards her until he caught her from behind and then kissed her underneath her ear. "I'm the tour guide, remember?" She squealed as he stared tickling her. Afterwards, they resumed their walk as Damon told her tales about the antics he and his brother did when they were younger.

Halfway through their walk, she complained about her feet hurting so with a laugh he made her jump into his back and finished the trip giving her a piggy back ride. With the wind on his face and her face so close to his, Damon realized this day was going straight into his list of perfect days because nothing felt better than having her on top of his back as they laughed at whatever thing had left her mouth.

"Okay, this might be my favorite part of all New York," she said as she sighed happily when they arrived at Jane's carrousel. Her eyes were lit with wonder and he couldn't help the huge smile that stretched his lips.

"Seriously? Of all the wonderful places I've shown you today this is your favorite?" he said, holding her hand as they watched the spinning artifact where children were currently laughing

"Just look at it" Elena said grinning as she extended a hand pointing to the children having fun. "It's magical. The laughs, soft music, the lights" She turned to look at him. "The wind in our faces and the Brooklyn Bridge behind us." Her eyes shone as she looked at him, and he swore he never saw something more beautiful in his life.

The sun was starting to set, and the cold wind was biting against their skin. Her cheeks were rosy, and her hair was windswept. He raised his hand and pinched her cheek softly "When you put it like that, I believe you're right but maybe you're the magical one"

She gathered courage and in a moment of unusual bravery she stood in her tip toes and brought his face towards her, linking their lips in a magical kiss. His hands moved instantly to her waist to draw her closer, their lips were cold against each other, but warming each other with every passing second. The music from the carrousel and the laughter of the children became distant sound as they were both swept away in the intensity of the moment.

It was a one of a kind kiss, the kind you only see in movies or post cards for Valentine's Day. Two young people discovering each other, realizing that love was the most wonderful feeling in the world and that it could sweep you away with its force after only a few minutes.

"Come back home with me," she whispered against his lips once they broke apart; he rested his forehead against hers as he tried to steady his racing heart "Damon…"

"You come home with me," he answered in return. Damon owned a small studio apartment in Brooklyn, it wasn't fancy, but it was his own and there they could be together without worrying for troubled roommates. "Please, Elena"

She bit her lip as she nodded "Yes." He beamed and her and swept her off her feet, twirling around under the amused glares of the people around them and the ride melody as background music to their moment.

Elena never believed in love at first sight or thought that it was possible to feel so intensely for someone after mere hours but in that moment, after only two days of knowing Damon, she was sure that what she felt for him was love.

They rushed to his apartment, as if the devil himself was chasing after them; their bodies constantly touching all the way there, as if neither were able to let the other go. An excitement and happiness like they never experienced before was taking hold of their bodies and Elena wondered briefly it the fact that things seemed to be burning so quickly between them was good or bad.

They stumbled into his apartment without unlatching their mouths from one another. The minute the door closed behind them, he pushed her against it and lifted the thermal off her body "Just for the record…" He panted against her still open mouth "…This is not a one-night stand" Damon said pointing a finger between each other and proceeded to resume their kissing.

Their hands gripped and caressed the other as they tripped around the apartment until they reached the king-size bed that occupied most of the space of his tiny bedroom "This is fucking unreal," he whispered against her mouth. Without needing to elaborate, Elena knew what he was referring to because she also thought everything that was happening between them was damn unreal.

"Damn, Damon," she moaned when he lowered the cup of her bra and started suckling on her naked flesh. Sex with Matt was always sweet and tranquil; she never felt for him the overwhelming need Damon was making her feel at this moment. He was intense and passionate. He was everything she never knew she needed.

They fell down on the bed in a tangle of limbs; lips sucking, teeth biting, hands caressing and nails scratching and when he finally slid inside her she wanted to cry out until his entire building could hear her because nothing in the world ever felt as perfect as him moving inside her, his weight on top of her and his breath caressing the skin of her neck.

"You feel damn perfect, sweet girl," he murmured as her hands moved to his hips to grip him there, urging him to move faster against her. "So perfect." His hand moved between their bodies to play with her clit, as he slammed his hips forcibly thrice and threw his head back as he reached oblivion.

"Damon!" She cried as her orgasm swept her away seconds after him. Their bodies shaking against each other as the feeling subsided, their skin was damp with perspiration and the sheets tangled around their legs "Fuck, this was amazing"

"Beyond amazing!" he said as he rolled off her and let himself fall on the bed next to her, one arm across his face covering his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing.

Elena turned her head to the side and was amazed with the man next to her; she was sure that there could be nothing more beautiful than Damon lying naked in that moment, with his damp hair and rosy cheeks and that body that seemed out of a magazine "Damn, you're hot," she muttered and he started laughing, his body shaking with the force of it.

"You are quite hot too, Miss Gilbert." He removed his arm from his face and pulled her to him so that her head was resting in the crook of his neck. "Imagine how beautiful our children are going to be." Elena let out a delighted laugh right before he started tickling her, the sound echoing in the entire apartment. Never a better sound had been heard in his apartment and in that moment, Damon knew that he wanted to keep making her laugh for all the years to come.

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	4. Our own world

**Hey!**

 **Thank you so much to all of you reading, I'm really glad you're enjoying this story, it means the world to me to know you're loving it. Also I want to thank Amy for being a great beta and helping me out with this.**

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" _Anybody can look at you. It's quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see."_

 **-John Green-**

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 **JANUARY 2005**

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Her head was propped on her hand while she lay on her side and stared at his handsome face. The drapes of his room were open so the city lights showered his features as he lay sleeping. Elena smiled as, with tentative movements, stroked a lock of dark hair out of his forehead.

He was a sight to behold; with the sheet resting dangerously low on his hips the whole expanse of his torso was exposed to her eyes, a taut stomach and rippled muscles she knew were from soccer training, a dust of dark hair marring his chest, the wonderful V formed on his hips and the relaxed features of his face as he slept. She wondered idly how it was possible for a man like him to be interested in her.

And interested he was.

After their first night together, which Elena believed to be completely magical, a small part of her had believed he was going to disappear. Most men are only after one thing and she didn't expect to have a serious relationship while she was still a freshman. But Damon hadn't disappeared and things between them had moved too fast for it to be considered casual.

Christmas had arrived, swiftly blanketing the city with a thin layer of snow and Elena had invited Damon over to Mystic Falls to spend the holiday with her. She had believed he would say no, but he surprised her by agreeing; so Elena took him to meet the most important people in her life. Her parents were currently travelling around Europe and decided to spend Christmas in Paris, so Aunt Jenna and her boyfriend Ric had cooked dinner for them.

They had spent the night playing games and laughing; Damon had teamed up with Jeremy against Jenna and her, while Ric worked as mediator. Her brother had embarrassed her with stories of their childhood and they even sang a couple of carols since Jenna, spending the majority of her time in theaters, was an artist at heart. Elena had been glad to realize Damon fit in with her little family and that he actually enjoyed being with them. She had beamed at him when he handed over her gift - a beautiful antique necklace - and also when she realized he had gotten something for everyone.

And afterwards when they lay in each other's arms in her childhood bedroom, once Jenna and Ric had retired for the night, Elena wondered how it was possible she knew Damon for only a couple of weeks. In her heart, she felt like it had been ages instead of days and the thought made a spark of fear light up inside her.

When New Year's arrived it was his time to host the celebration. He took her to his grandparent's house for the night, where Elena got to meet his mother, who was a sweet and gentle woman, and realized from whom Damon got his easy going personality since he appeared to be a replica of his grandfather. They ate a delicious dinner and laughed together as his mother tried to embarrass him with stories of his childhood, and long before the clock struck midnight Damon told her it was time to go and took her to a hotel located in Time's Square.

"Come on, we'll get there just in time to see the ball drop." Elena had stared at him with tears in her eyes and a surge of love so pure invading her. Once in the room, they had opened the big glass window and she stared in awe as the seconds tricked by and a new year arrived.

Damon had taken her into his arms and kissed her gently as the people downstairs shouted and cheered. She thought briefly that never another feeling would compare to what she was experiencing at the moment and she hoped that she and Damon got the chance to enjoy many more years together. They spent the rest of the night making love to each other; it had been the best December Elena ever lived.

"It's rude to stare." The soft murmur of his voice snapped Elena out of her reverie and she smiled when she found his blue eyes staring at her, traces of sleep still present on his face. "Though I truly don't mind," he raised a hand and pinched her cheek softly.

"I was just thinking while I stare into your handsome face" She told him with a smile as his fingers traced her features softly.

The ever present smirk on his face stretched and his eyes twinkled with delight. "What were you thinking about future wife?" Elena rolled her eyes at his joke, though a part of her wondered if it was indeed such a crazy idea. "About how crazy I am for you" She admitted as she moved to rest her head on his chest. Damon threw his head back and laughed and tightened his arms around her frame.

"I am glad you're honest, my love," he told her as his arms traced the curve of her spine. "Because I happen to be just as crazy for you." He dropped his face to hers and touched his nose to hers.

"Don't you think it's weird?" she asked as he pulled away.

"What is?" he frowned.

Elena's voice sounded tiny in the quietness of the night "Us?

She felt the vibrations of his chest under her cheek as he laughed and swore that nothing could ever feel more perfect. "Why would we be weird?"

"We've known each other for only a month, Damon, and I already feel so much for you" She couldn't avoid the traces of fear to slip into her voice. "I don't know about you but that never happened to me before"

"No, me neither" He said quietly "But why does that worry you, Elena?" His fingers were tracing circles on her naked back and she almost wanted to sigh in contentment.

"I don't know," she answered. "Things go wrong all the time and I could end up heartbroken." Elena was aware she was only eighteen and knew nothing about life but somehow when she was with him she believed he could be whatever she wanted in life, and the thought scared her. Because she was still so young, how could she know at such a young age what was the right thing for her?

"Or I could end up heartbroken"

Elena chuckled, "Doubt it."

"I think you're overthinking it, my love." His voice was soft and soothing. "Don't worry about tomorrow; let's just enjoy right now," Damon pressed a kiss into her forehead and she closed her eyes at the sensation.

"It's so easy to think everything will be all right when I'm with you," she admitted.

A smile formed on his lips as he tweaked her nose lovingly "Everything will be all right, stop worrying." He kissed her then and all talk about fears and doubts was forgotten as they gave into the desire that consumed them.

A week after that night, Elena's best friend Bonnie arrived into the city. She had been so nervous about it since Bonnie was one of the most important people in her life and she wanted Damon and her to get along. Elena had spoken with her friend over the phone a couple of times and she knew the girl worried about how strong her feelings for Damon were. Bonnie kept telling her how she never had seen her that way before and how she should be careful because she appeared to be going too fast with Damon.

Luckily all of her fears evaporated after the first few minutes when she realized her friend and Damon were going to get along just fine. Damon decided to give them the New York tour once more so Bonnie could enjoy the city at the style of a true New Yorker. They went to the Empire State Buildling and Top of the Rock, Damon took them to Time's Square where they insisted he take a bunch of pictures of them on the red stairs used in Alicia Key's video and they even went Ice Skating in Rockefeller Center.

Elena hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. As they stood eating slices of .99 cent pizza near Times Square, she looked up at Damon who winked at her and her chest constricted with her love for him. She loved him; there was no doubt of it now. Elena Gilbert had fallen in love with Damon Salvatore only a month after meeting him and she wondered briefly whether it was going to be good for her or the worst decision of her life.

"So, I'll go now and meet you two tomorrow," Bonnie said with a tentative smile and she rose her hand to call a cab.

"What?" Elena asked her with a raised eye brow "I thought you were staying with me tonight"

Bonnie bit her lip as she shook her head. "I'm meeting Jamie tonight."

Elena snorted at the same time she rolled her eyes. "And here I though you came all the way to New York to see me." Bonnie chuckled before throwing her arms around the other girl.

"I love you, Len" She whispered in her ear before releasing her.

"Yeah yeah, go and exchange me for your boyfriend," Elena said faking indignation while Damon only smiled as he stared at them.

A cab pulled down next to them as Bonnie was saying goodbye "At least let us make sure you get home safely," Damon told her offering to accompany her on the ride home.

"No, that's okay" Bonnie said shrugging as she went to open the door of the yellow cab. "You go do your thing." She sent a suggestive look in Elena's direction before stepping inside.

Damon threw his head back and laughed as he pulled Elena towards him. "She has a point you know," he told her, and she rolled her eyes at him.

He took her hand then and they headed towards the subway. Since Elena knew her roommate, Rebekah, was going to be at her boyfriend's house, she invited Damon over to her dorm. She hoped to have him to herself all weekend, especially since classes started back on Monday and she knew she was going to be overwhelmed with work.

On the way home, they stopped to get some beer and pizza, even though she told him she wouldn't be able to eat any more. But of course, he only rolled his eyes at her and told her he betted she would be stuffing her face with pizza once they reached her dorm.

"So you think she liked me?" he asked hours afterwards while she sat Indian style on her tiny bed wearing nothing but his shirt and a pizza box on top of her lap. He was resting on his stomach, a half empty bottle of bear on his hand while he stared up at her.

Elena nodded while she swallowed because like he had predicted she hadn't been able to resist the pizza. "I know she did. Trust me if she didn't she would have let you know."

Damon chuckled. "She's quiet feisty, isn't she?"

"Yes, but I adore her"

"I know you do, my love." He smiled up at her before dawning the rest of the beer in his bottle and placing it on the nightstand. "That's why I wanted her to like me; I know you care about what she thinks. And I also know you have doubts"

Elena avoided staring at him as she answered; instead she focused her attention on the peperoni slices on her pizza. "I don't have doubts Damon"

"You do but you know what, it doesn't matter sweetheart" He took the pizza box from her lap and placed it on the floor before kneeling in front of her. He was clad in nothing more than his briefs and Elena swore she had never seen such a mouthwatering sight before. "Because I have faith in us and I know ten years from now, you'll be Mrs. Salvatore"

His eyes glinted with mischief as the tips of his lips curved in a smirk and she couldn't help but roll her eyes at him and the smugness on his expression "Oh yeah, you're full of yourself you know that"

He shrugged before pecking her lips softly. "I'm just confident and the moment I saw you I knew I wanted you to be my wife"

There was something in his voice and in the way he was looking at her that made her short of breath. "And how did you know?"

He smiled sweetly as his lapis lazuli eyes shone. "There was just something about you; I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the short dress you were wearing…"

Elena snorted while pushing at his shoulder. "Jerk!"

He snickered before he turned serious once again. "Honestly, I don't know but something woke up in me when I saw you, and I just knew"

She would have swooned at the moment if that wouldn't have made her look like a complete idiot. Instead she smirked at him, trying to appear nonchalant. "You're a romantic, aren't you?"

He seemed to mull on her words for a few seconds "You know what? I believe I am." His face moved closer to her once more, their noses brushing against each other. "And I believe deep down you are too"

She frowned, "I am not"

"Yes you are." His hands went to her sides and he started tickling her. Elena fell back on the bed as she twisted her body trying to get away from him.

"Damon stop it!" She giggled as he fell above her, his hands still tickling as he laughed delighted at his own antics.

"Not until you admit it."

"Never!" She was short on breath as he kept attacking her. "Stop it please, please!"

Suddenly he stopped, resting above her with his blue eyes piercing into hers. "I love you."

Elena's eyes widened in wonder. "What?"

His hand rose to caress her cheek lovingly "I love you and I don't care if it's too soon. I love you" He dropped his forehead onto hers, wanting to be as close as it was possible from her body.

"Damn you," she muttered

Damon chuckled, "What?"

"I love you too…jerk." The words seemed to be ripped out of her throat and he felt a surge of tenderness towards her. He ghosted his lips over hers before smiling.

"I knew you did." He tried to jest but failed when he saw the intensity in her hazel eyes, he swore sometimes it was possible to be lost in them. "One day I'm gonna marry you, Elena Gilbert." He dropped his lips to hers and kissed her softly. "One day," he murmured into her mouth as his hands started getting rid of the shirt she was wearing.

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 **Review?**


	5. The Risk of Winter

**Hello guys, thanks so much for reading and reviewing, it means so much to me to know how much you enjoy the story, I'm so glad you're liking it.**

 **I want to thank Amy for being an amazing beta for this story and fixing all the little mistakes I make.**

 **Love you all,**

 **Please enjoy!**

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"Of course I'll hurt you. Of course you'll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence."

 **Antoine de Saint-Exupéry**

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 **FEBRUARY 2005**

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"Just step carefully," he whispered into her ear and she fought against the impulse to snort.

"How am I supposed to step carefully if you have a blindfold around my eyes?" she complained and heard his chuckle as his hand settled down on her hip while he guided her in the dark.

Tonight was Valentine's day and Damon had decided they needed to celebrate with a surprise. Of course Elena hated surprises because there wasn't anything that terrified her more than the unknown. But since he had asked so sweetly, she didn't have the heart to deny him and besides, how crazy a girl would be to reject a surprise from a man like Damon?

"You really are such a pain in the ass sometimes," he joked and she heard him opening a door, a heavy sounding door.

"I'm glad you're realizing that right now."

"It's better to know now instead of after we're married, right?" The light tone in his voice made her smile. The hand on her hip moved so he could grip both of her hands as he guided her outside. She knew it was outside because the cold crispy air of the night hit her face and made her shiver involuntarily.

"Since you are so eager to ruin the surprise…" His hands went to work on her blindfold and when the cloth fell away Elena couldn't help the gasp that left her lips at the scene in front of her.

They were on the rooftop, of what she guessed was his building, and he had arranged a small table in the center of it. Large vases with peonies were in each corner surrounding the table and at least a dozen twinkling lights were scattered around the place.

"Just so there's no doubt that I am a romantic," he murmured to her and she immediately threw herself in his arms.

"You are the most amazing man I've ever met!" she told him while kissing his entire face; Damon tightened his hold on her as he threw his head back and laughed at her outburst. Elena was a very sweet girl but somehow, she was very reserved and guarded when it came to showing her feelings so for Damon to elicit such a strong reaction from her was a complete delight.

"I hope I am better than that Matt guy"

"Matt can't even hold a candle to you," she answered as he released her. "I'm serious Damon, this is amazing!" Her chocolate doe eyes were gazing up at him with such adoration that he felt his heart jumping inside his ribcage.

"What can I say? I like to show off." He winked at her while he took her hand and guided her towards the table.

Since setting up the whole thing had taken more time than he expected, he hadn't cooked the meal. Instead, he had ordered from his favorite Italian place, so now they were to enjoy of three cheese ravioli and eggplant parmigiana accompanied by a bottle of Barolo, with chocolate cake for dessert. It was all very sophisticated and elegant; Elena found herself grinning with each passing second.

"So what made you want to go to law school?" Elena asked as she kicked off her heels underneath the table. It was nearing midnight and the air had gotten chilly, so she used her arms to hug herself and get warm.

Damon seemed to think about his answer for a minute as he unbuttoned the first two buttons of his dress shirt and leaned back on his chair. "It might be the most cliché thing of all, but I want to help people. I want to put a bit of me in trying to make this world a better place and to protect the people that need protecting." He rolled up his sleeves as he gazed at her. "My grandfather always told me that we must take advantage of our abilities to help others. I'm not saying this to brag, but one of my best assets is my brain and also my wits," he winked at her. "And I believe using both, I can help a lot of people."

Elena smiled sweetly at him, "Which is why one of your dreams is to have a practice where you can help people with no resources?"

"Exactly." He nodded, moving his finger over the rim of his glass. "And I want to be the best at it because I want to prove to them all that I'm not my father." Elena regarded him sadly. He had spoken on more than one occasion about his father and what a disappointment he had been for his family. A drunken man who spent of all his money on his alcohol and never cared for his family and their wellbeing. "I want to make my mom proud; I want to show her I'm different."

"You are, Damon," she said softly. "Of course, you are."

He smiled sadly and shook his head as if to get rid of unwanted thoughts. "Let's not talk about sad things," he told her. "Now, I want to know why you want to go into fashion instead of novels."

Elena raised a brow as she looked at him, "Novels?"

He moved forward to place his glass on the table "I think you really could be great at it, I mean I love your fanfictions."

Elena rolled her eyes as she extended her arm to push at his shoulders. "Stop being annoying."

Damon snickered "I'm serious, I think you did great with that whole Lord of the Rings things. I mean, I never thought you could write Legolas into our time but it ended up being such a great story."

Elena threw her head back and laughed. "I can't believe you are saying this. It's just a silly story, Damon. Trust me, I won't be the next J.R.R Tolkien"

"Why not?" He frowned. "I think you have potential."

Elena rolled her eyes at him. "You're my boyfriend; you have to say nice things like that."

He chuckled at the same time he shook his head; "No I don't, if it sucked I would have told you." He gave her wink. "I'm not that nice. Seriously, don't you like writing that kind of stuff?"

Elena sighed as she looked at the skyline before her instead of him. "Of course, but I'm not good enough for that."

"Bullshit!"

"I'm serious Damon. I write silly little things that keep people entertained, but real novels? Novels that make you feel something? I don't think I'm capable of something like that." Her eyes seemed sad about it and he felt his heart squeezing with the knowledge she liked to undermine herself. "Something of the level of Pet Sematary, I could never write."

Damon couldn't help the surprised laugh that left his lips at hearing her words. "Now I must admit I never read the book, but I've watched the movie, and I don't think it's a novel to make you feel."

"That's because you haven't read it." Her eyes acquired a glow he hadn't seen before and her entire demeanor changed. "There's so many feelings in that book, Damon, it fills with you with fear of death and regret and makes you long for things you didn't even know you wanted. Stephen King can make you feel things so deeply and I don't think I can do that." She looked so excited as she spoke that he couldn't help but think she was the sweetest girl he ever met.

"Well, you made me feel sad for poor Legolas who didn't want to go back to middle earth"

"Shut up!" Elena hid her face between her hands as she giggled, she could feel her cheeks redden with embarrassment as she regretted ever showing him that damn fanfiction she had wrote. After they both had stopped laughing, Elena composed herself and redirected the conversation to the previous topic. "And well, fashion, I've grown up surrounded by it since Jenna practically raised me. Everyone thinks it's a shallow thing, but it isn't. It's art, Damon. Just look at my clothes today, I feel happy, so I dress like a happy person." She pointed to her fuchsia wrap dress and white heels. "You can transmit so many things through clothing, just like you can through painting, and I want to write about that." Her eyes were glowing with excitement as she spoke about the things she loved that he wondered briefly if they would shine that way when she spoke to someone about him. "I want to write about something that means something to someone."

"You are something else, Elena Gilbert, something else entirely." He leaned across the table and took her lips in a kiss. "My girl is an intellectual."

Elena crackled at this, "Of course not!"

"You are, you're such a nerd," he joked, before nuzzling her nose with his. "You have books stashed underneath your bed. You're so cute!"

She laughed as she placed her hands on his nape, "Stop it, silly boy!"

"I love you," he said before kissing her again. She smiled against his lips and let herself be swept into the magic that was him.

They spent the rest of their night joking and eating and just enjoying their time together. Unfortunately for Damon, who had wished to make love to her all night, eggplant didn't seem to suit him so he spent a large amount of that time hunched above the toilet throwing up the contents of their delicious dinner.

He was mortified but Elena only laughed and shrugged before making a quick run to the downstairs pharmacy to get him electrolytes and crackers. Once back, she shrugged out of her dress and put on one of his t-shirts and fuzzy socks and lay with him on the bed as they watched re-runs of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

"Well, at least our Valentine's Day wasn't as bad as theirs," Damon told her, as they watched Cordelia Chase falling down the stairs after finding her boyfriend kissing his best friend.

Elena threw her head back and laughed before raising herself on her elbow and staring at him "Our Valentine's day was not bad." Her smile was wide and that made him feel a little bit better about what had happened.

"Trust me, this is not how I wanted it to end," he told her and she felt her heart swelling when she realized he was blushing.

"It was perfect anyway." Her voice was soft and charged with love; she moved her face closer to his and posed his lips on top of his. "Thank you for it, I love you."

He pinched her cheek softly before pecking her lips again. "I love you too, silly girl." She snuggled back into his chest and they spent the rest of the night watching TV and enjoying the quietness of being together.

* * *

 **PRESENT TIME**

 **.**

 **.**

"Hi." She felt her insides clenching at the sound of his voice; he sounded exactly as she remembered him it was as if somehow time hadn't passed and she was still in front of that same man filled with hope and expectations for the future.

She looked at him dumbstruck for a few seconds; as if somehow she couldn't quite believe he was truly standing in front of her after so long. "HI." Her voice sounded small and terrified and she hated herself for it, hated how he could make her feel like a young girl again. "I ummm…" Elena truly didn't know what she wanted to say, and was grateful when Caroline cleared her throat and broke the bubble she and Damon had somehow created around each other.

"Hello, I'm Caroline. I was wondering if you are related to the hottie over there? Because you kind of look alike." Her blue eyes fixated Damon on the spot and Elena had to fight a grin against her best friend's behavior.

Damon seemed taken aback by the question and looked back to see his brother behind the bar. "Um yes, that's Stefan. My brother."

Caroline nodded enthusiastically. "Okay then, I'll go and make myself known." She took a deep breath before giving Elena a bright smile and extending her hand across the table to squeeze her hand. "It's now or never, girly!"

Elena watched as her friend stood up and practically bounced her way to the bar; the brunette's panicked eyes searched for Bonnie who gave her an apologetic smile and stood up as well. "I'll go make sure she doesn't make a fool of herself," she said, before following their blond friend towards the bar.

Damon took advantage of the distraction to sit in front of her in the seat Caroline had vacated. "Hi," he said, once again and Elena could do nothing but stare at him. He looked so different and yet the same; she knew he was nearing thirty six and beginnings of gray hairs seemed to be appearing on his head already. His eyes wrinkled more when he smiled and she wanted to weep when thinking about all the changes that had occurred in him since she last saw him. "How have you been?" he asked when he realized she wasn't going to say a word.

Elena seemed to compose herself and regarded him with a small smile "Good, I've been good." She fidgeted with the hem of her dress before grabbing her purse and standing up from the table "I- I think I should go." She started walking towards the bar where her friends were but a hand on her elbow stopped her from doing it.

"No, no." He drew her in so close that she felt his breath on her face and was able to breathe in his scent; he still wore the same cologne and the familiarity of his smell made something warm inside her start spreading.

"Damon, I really must go." It was so strange to hear herself saying his name after so long. For ten years he had remained stored inside the vault of her mind, next to all the mistakes and regrets of her young life. And now, as if it was magic, he was standing before her. Not a boy anymore, but a man; a man who appeared to be very determinate and she realized that this person that Damon was now scared her even more than the boy he once was. "I can't stay."

He laughed sardonically, as his deep blue eyes drank her in. "I will make you stay Elena." His right hand rose to move a tendril of hair from her forehead; her breath got caught on her throat as his fingers made contact with the skin of her cheek. "I won't let you go. I made that mistake a long time ago, but not again sweetheart. You won't be running away from me this time"

And just like that, in a bar packed of people, Elena Gilbert was feeling like an eighteen-year-old once again.


	6. Pleasure in madness

Hey there!

Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing, I love to see how passionate you are about this story. I also want to thank Amy because she's an amazing beta. I really hope you like this chapter, please enjoy!

* * *

" **There is a certain pleasure in madness, which only the madman knows"**

Pablo Neruda

 **.**

 **.**

 **MARCH**

Elena closed the door to her dorm and sighed with relief when she saw her roommate lying on her bed with a book in her hands; in the morning when she woke up, Rebekah hadn't been there and Elena had to spend the entire morning with no one to release the worry that was eating her up inside.

The brunette girl dropped her bag on the floor and her books on her bed before going to sit on her roommate's bed. Sensing the strange behavior, Rebekah lowered her book down and stared at her friend with a questioning look.

"I think Damon is cheating on me," Elena blurted out, and saw her friend's eyes widen in response to her words.

Rebekah blinked twice before closing her book and sitting upright. "I'm sorry, what?"

Elena bit her lip as she looked down, "I'm sure of it."

"Why would you say that?"

Elena sighed while raising her legs to Rebekah's bed and crossing them Indian style. "He's been avoiding me for days and every time I call him, there's always this Andie girl in the background"

Elena felt tears pooling at her eyes and hated herself for it; she knew better than to let a boy control her emotions like this and yet, the mere idea of Damon being unfaithful to her was enough to shatter her heart.

Rebekah chuckled "Aren't they working together on that case for their semester validation?"

"Yes, so?"

The blonde girl gave her a sympathetic smile. "Maybe that's why she's always with him, and he probably isn't avoiding you but is very busy with school"

Elena lowered her eyes and started playing with a loose string on her jeans. "Yeah I don't think so." Lately, every time she called him he was always busy with something else. It had been two weeks since they last saw each other and though Elena knew that he was in a crucial moment with school she couldn't help but feel insecure and hated him for making her feel that way. She never intended to be the clingy girlfriend.

A frustrated sound came out of the blonde's mouth before she scooted closer to her friend. "Okay, you definitely must be the most negative person I've ever met. Did I already tell you this?"

A small smile stretched across Elena's face. "Like a hundred times."

"Because you are. I sometimes wonder what it is like to live in that little head of yours," Rebekah said while taking Elena's hands in hers and squeezing them softly.

"I'm not joking, Bekah." Her voice wobbled as she raised her eyes and found the kind blue eyes of her best friend.

"I'm not joking either sweetheart; I just think you overreact," she told her softly. "You wanna know what I think?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me anyway."

"I think you want to sabotage your relationship"

"What? That is insane"

"Len, your whole love affair with Damon has moved way too fast, even I can admit that." The blonde girl said with a smile before releasing Elena's hands. "And fact is that you get scared because of it. The only other relationship you ever had was with your high school sweetheart and I highly doubt that was on any level the same as with Damon"

"He frightens me," Elena whispered, her voice charged with emotion as she felt the tears starting to slip from her eyes "He's the most driven person I know. He's smart and kind and he's good to his mom and I mean, I just can't think of a single flaw."

"He might drink too much bourbon."

"Not that much," Elena answered with a chuckle. "And the thing is, Bekah, the man is nearly perfect and I learned a long time ago not to trust perfect things."

Elena had seen perfection her entire life; it was in her face whenever she saw her parents parading themselves in social functions - the perfect couple with the perfect children and the perfect life - but up close everything was distorted and ugly. Up close, they weren't the lovely family they pretended to be, so Elena had learned from a young age that perfect things are nothing but smoke and mirrors.

"Oh Len, I am sure Damon is far from perfect. You just see it that way because you are in love and in that ridiculous phase where you think he shits rainbows," the blonde said with a roll of her eyes while pointing a finger at her. "Trust me on this, when Marcel and I started dating, I thought he was perfect and now two years later he annoys me five out of seven days." Both girls laughed at Rebekah's comment, and somehow Elena felt the tension in her chest being released.

"I do tend to overthink things, right?" she said with a sigh while she moved so she could lie on Rebekah's bed. The blonde girl followed her example and lay down next to her.

"Of course you do, but that is one of the many quirky things that make you so adorable." Rebekah tried to pinch Elena's cheek but the brunette swatted her hand away with a laugh.

"Knock it off, Bekah."

The girls laughed once again, and somehow Elena knew everything was going to be better. They remained in silence for a while, just staring at the fluorescent stars Rebekah had insisted putting on the celling.

"Damon is not cheating on you; at least I don't think he is," the blonde said after a while. "But if you have all these doubts, why don't talk to him; communication is the key to a good relationship"

"When did you become Dr. Phil?"

"Someone has to be the brains in this relationship," Rebekah said while bumping Elena's shoulder with hers.

"Jerk!"

"You love me."

Elena looked at her friend next to her and was grateful to have her in her life; she never expected to create such a great friend so soon. She always thought she would spend the whole time missing Bonnie, so she was glad she was paired with someone like Rebekah, who was a great friend and complemented her perfectly.

* * *

The thousand lights of the city buildings lightened the darkened sky on a chilly March night; her feet glided across the ice as she heard the laugher and conversation of the many people around her. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold and she resisted the urge to cover them with her gloved hands.

The sights were beautiful around her and yet she wasn't absorbing anything for her mind was busy somewhere else, so busy that she barely paid attention to the warm male body skating next to her until his low baritone voice reached her ears.

"Is something troubling you?" Damon asked as he tried to keep up with her on the ice. Two weeks had passed since they last saw each other, so he had decided to take a break from school work and surprise her with a visit to the Ice Rink on Rockefeller Center.

He had expected for her to be overjoyed as they had not seen each other in so long. He had longed to see her face light up with a wide smile, but instead he only got a polite smile and soft words of thanks.

"No, everything's okay."

Damon sighed and placed his hand on her elbow, forcing her to stop. "You know I am very perceptive right?" he told her as he guided her softly towards the edge of the rink so they wouldn't bother the other people.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He smiled kindly as he raised a gloved hand to caress the rosy skin of her cheeks. "That I know there's something bothering you in that little head of yours." Elena looked down, fear crawling inside her with the mere idea of voicing her concerns. "Darling, please"

She sucked in a deep breath and forced her eyes upwards, nearly disarming herself at the sight of those striking blue eyes. "Are you cheating on me?"

A startled laugh left his lips. "What? Is this a joke?"

Elena's jaw clenched as she pulled away from his touch. "I'm being serious Damon!"

"Doll, why would you think that?" Damon asked as he moved closer to her, preventing her from putting distance between them.

Elena took a deep breath and forced her voice to remain steady. "I've barely seen you these last few days because you're always with Andie"

"Come here, Len"

"No."

"You stubborn girl," he chuckled as he drew her into the circle of his arms. Elena almost wanted to sigh at the safeness that was for her to be in his arms. "I haven't been able to see you as much as I would like because I've been busting my ass with this project so I can score a good internship soon."

"I know that…"

"I've been missing you too sweetheart, trust me." His forehead dropped to hers, their cold breaths mingling with each other "But I need to do this if I want to be the best, if I want to have everything I want, if I want to give you the life you deserve"

Elena rolled her eyes as she pushed her face away from his. "Don't be silly Damon."

A frown appeared on his face and Elena could have sworn she saw a flicker of insecurity shining in his eyes "What? You don't see us as something that could last?"

"We've barely known each other for a few months," she said as she pulled away from his arms and started skating towards the exit. Suddenly she felt crowded and needed to put some space between her and Damon.

Of course, Damon wasn't going to allow her to walk away so easily so he followed her towards the exit, a mere step behind her when he told her, "So you started this believing it wasn't going to last?"

"It's not that," Elena said softly as she vacated the rink and headed in direction of the banks, grateful that most people were out in the rink and there was no one to witness their little altercation.

"Then what?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

Elena shook her head, appearing to be concentrated in removing the skates from her feet. "You can't say you're doing this for me"

"But I am… I'm doing it for us." Damon took hold of the skates that were now in her hand and dropped them to the ground before taking her face into his hands. "Elena, when I look into my future, I see you. Don't you see me?"

Her face contorted in a pucker and he brought her to his embrace once again; he felt her nodding as he caressed her hair. "Then don't fight with me sweetheart, I am not cheating on you. I could never cheat on you, it's not who I am." He pulled her face away from his body only so he could kiss her lips softly "I love you, you know that?"

Elena nodded before kissing him again, "I love you too." He smiled against her lips and knew that just like that everything was right between them again.

His feelings for Elena had taken him completely by surprise;, he always considered himself a romantic and blamed his mother for it but never thought that he was going to find love so early in his life, to come to feel so strongly about someone, but as he held her in his arms he knew that there could never be anyone else for him but her. He knew that he had found what most people spend their whole lives searching for and he only hoped he could convince her to truly take a chance with them.

After that, which Damon called their first big argument, they decided to stop at a hot dog vendor and stroll around Central Park as they ate. Now that they had cleared the air, Elena's vision of the night was less gloomy and she allowed herself to be swept away by the feeling of utter happiness that being with Damon provoked in her.

"So, your brother won't be able to make it home until December?" Elena asked as she crumpled her trash in her hand. "What did your mom say?"

"She's heartbroken," Damon replied as he took the garbage from her hands and threw it in a nearby bin. "It's been almost a year since we last saw him, so having to wait so much longer is destroying her." Elena remained in silence and let her head fall against his shoulders. He sighed sadly, "You miss them, don't you?"

"What?

"Your parents."

She pulled away from him and shrugged, her eyes trained in the road in front of them. "Why would I miss them? I barely saw them when I was at home."

Damon stopped walking and took hold of her hands, forcing her to stop "You don't have to pretend with me Len; I know it hurts you how little they care"

She gave him a sad smile; "You are very perceptive"

"I just wish they would show some emotion regarding us once in a while." She whispered and it broke Damon to see so much pain reflected into her eyes. "I don't even know why they had children if they weren't going to care about us."

"Some people are selfish like that," he told her as he drew her to him. Her face burying into his chest as his arms secured themselves around her slender frame. "But hey, it's their loss." His hand drew soft circles into her back.

"Thank you," she whispered into his chest.

"I love you."

"Me too."

The lighted buildings made the city shine around them. The rustling of the trees was the only sound that accompanied them, as the chilly night air caressed their skin and they both knew there would never be anyone else for them but each other.

* * *

 **PRESENT TIME**

 **.**

Elena stared down at his hand holding her arm, the feel of his skin against her burning her in the most familiar of ways. His scent engulfing her and transporting her back to those lost days where they could spend hours beneath the sheets in the tiny bedroom of her dorm just talking.

As if it was muscle memory, an ache in her heart started growing the longer she stared into his eyes. The feelings he evoked in her once upon a time resurfaced and shook her like an electric current. A fear so paralyzing ran through her body and she knew it was best if she put some distance between them.

"I don't think this is wise Damon," Elena said as she moved back, her arm sliding out of his grasp. "I need to go home."

"I'll take you home," he told her as he moved a step closer to her, stopping her from putting distance between them.

"I came with my friends." Elena's eyes went to Caroline and Bonnie in the bar, who were now chatting animatedly with Damon's brother and another bartender.

The ghost of that smirk she knew so well appeared on his lips. "They are busy, Len"

"Damon… I.."

He took hold of her hands; the feel of him holding her once more shook her to the very core. The need to move closer to him was so overwhelming that scared her like nothing had done in the last ten years. "Please Len, I just want to talk."

Elena stared into his eyes and somewhere there he saw that idealistic man she had met so many years ago; the one who had loved her with every bit of himself; the one who wanted to change the world and live a happy life with her. But she saw something else there. She saw disappointment and weariness and that glimpse of a defeated man made her lower her guard and agree to his request.

"Okay."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Seriously?"

Elena nodded as she threw a furtive glance towards Bonnie to let her know with a head gesture that she was leaving with Damon. "Just for a little while," she whispered and saw his eyes light up in delight.

"I promise."

He helped her with her coat and walked her out of the bar with his hand placed on her lower back, like they had done so many times before and somehow, for her, it felt right and the thought alone was enough to concern her.


	7. The way we were

"Memories, may be beautiful and yet what's too painful to remember. We simply choose to forget"

 **Barbra Streisand**

 **.**

 **.**

 **JUNE 2005**

Elena smiled contently as she snuggled into the soft pillow of her bed. She could hear the bustling city outside her window and Rebekah rummaging through her things in the room, so she threw her covers over her bead and tried to shut down the outside world. She had been dreaming about Damon before she woke up, had been remembering how his face lit up when he told her about the internship that had been given to him in one of the most prestigious firms of New York.

She felt so proud of him; Elena knew Damon was meant to do great things and she only hoped she would be able to be next to him his journey. Though to be honest, she often got scared about how much she felt for him. The last thing Elena wanted was to become her mother, who had built her entire life around a man, and somehow lately she felt like she was allowing Damon to become her whole world.

There were moments when thinking about how dependent she was becoming on him made her body feel heavy with dread. She was only nineteen; she shouldn't know what she wanted of life already. sSe was supposed to have doubts and make mistakes and yet whenever he whispered sweet nothings into her ear as they made love, when he held her hand in the bustling streets of New York, when he pulled her chair out for her to sit in the cafes they visited, she couldn't help but think what she wanted for the rest of her life was Damon.

"You've been awake for five minutes I can already hear thoughts of Damon reaching my ears," Her roommate said mockingly and made her snap out of her reverie. "I swear you and your lovesickness make me sick," Rebekah muttered while she removed the covers from Elena's body. The blonde was already dressed in a flower-print sleeveless dress and had her hair up in a ponytail. "Get your ass up from that bed already; we have so much to do"

Elena groaned and buried her face into the pillow again. "Such as?"

The blonde girl huffed. "You're supposed to help me pick out my dress for the family dinner I have with Marcel next week and afterwards, we must go to the campus infirmary for our test results and we can take them to Administration."

Elena groaned once again but this time she sat up instead of burying her face in the pillow. "I totally forgot about that." Every freshman had been forced to take blood and other routine tests so the school could include them in their records. It seemed completely silly to Elena and it had been two weeks since they had them so she had completely forgotten about it.

"But I didn't, so let's go girl."

Elena sighed and under the strict eye of her roommate, she showered, braided her hair and put on a denim short dress and a pair of white sneakers. After that, the girls took off, stopping on a Starbucks on the way to Manhattan to eat a couple of muffins and drink their morning caffeine. They spent the rest of the morning touring the different stores in the city so Rebekah could find the perfect dress to go to Marcel's annual family dinner. The blonde was able to score a gorgeous deep green dress that had been paid by her brother, of course without him knowing what the money was for.

They stopped for pizza on their way back to campus and when they finally reached the infirmary the sun was starting to hide. The nurse at the reception desk gave them their results,, but asked Elena to step inside the doctor's office for a minute. The young girl felt dread settling into her stomach for she feared there was something wrong with her that the results had detected.

Turns out, there was something going on.

She was pregnant.

"This can't be!" Elena said as she walked out of the infirmary with Rebekah next to her. Her skin was ashen and her limbs felt heavy, her palms sweated and every part of her was coiled in fear.

The blonde girl sighed with concern, her arms going around the other girl's slender frame. "Oh, honey…"

Elena felt like she was about to hyperventilate. Out of all the things she expected to happen to her, being pregnant was the last thing. She and Damon had used protection every single time. She couldn't understand how she was pregnant. "Bekah… I can't be pregnant!"

"Chill out, darling."

Elena shook her head, her eyes scanning frantically her surroundings for signs of a cab. "I need to see Damon."

A frown marred Rebekah's forehead as she forced her friend to stop walking. "It's getting late; why don't you call him and ask him to meet you at the dorm?" She stroked Elena's hand gently, in a gesture so tender anyone would believe was being done to a child.

"No, I need to…" Elena sighed brokenly, her eyes welling with tears. "I'll take a cab." She pulled away from her friend and raised her hand in the air when she saw a yellow cab coming near them.

Rebekah watched with distress as the car pulled in front of them and Elena walked towards it. "You're very upset, darling, let me come with you," she told her softly as she followed her.

Elena opened the back door of the cab and turned around to stare at her friend. "No, I need to do this alone." Conviction, fear and a deep sense of longing reflecting in her hazel eyes.

"Len…"

"I'll be fine."

Rebekah nodded in acceptance, knowing it was going to be absolutely futile to argue with her. "Text me the whole way there."

Elena smiled sadly before waving goodbye and stepping inside of the vehicle. She didn't even remember rattling off Damon's address; her mind wouldn't shut down. She couldn't stop thinking about the doctor's words, about how much her life was going to change.

Instinctively, her hands went to rest on her lower belly and she felt emotion clogging her throat; her parents were never going to forgive her for this, her mother… God, her mother was going to look down on her with her lips twisting into a conceited and disappointed scowl, because she had committed the ultimate atrocity.

Chain herself to a man because of a child. Just like she did once too.

Elena rested her head against the window of the cab and allowed the tears to fall; she was so damn afraid. She and Damon knew each other for less than a year, they were just children… she was barely nineteen, in what universe was she going to able to care for a kid?

Her mind continued spinning around until they reached Damon's Brooklyn apartment. She paid the fare to the driver and stepped out of the car like a complete zombie. The whole walk to his floor felt like a dream to her; he answered at the second knock, his lips twisting in a smile as he opened the door but with one look at her pale face that smiled turned into a deeply worried frown.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He took her by the elbow and pulled her inside, his blue eyes raking over her body eagerly, searching for a wound. "Len you're scaring me."

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

The expression on his face would have been funny if she wasn't so scared. He fell down back on his couch and Elena started pacing the length of his tiny apartment.

"We had to take some blood tests for school and we went for the results today and… I'm pregnant." Her eyes were wild and she appeared to be on the edge of a meltdown, her tear-stained face filled with fear.

"Okay, let's just calm down."

"I can't calm down Damon!" She shouted as she started crying once again. "A baby, I'm having a baby!"

He was up from the couch in a flash, his arms going around her as he pulled her body to his. "WE'RE having a baby"

"I can't have a baby, Damon," she sobbed against his chest. "I have so many things I have to do. I don't want to stay tied home with a child."

He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "This isn't the fifties, Elena, you won't be tied down to anything."

"But I will be," she said as she raised her head from his chest and stared at his eyes. "I can't have this baby," she whispered, the words heavy in the silence of the apartment.

"What do you mean?"

"Are we ready for this?" she asked as she pulled away from his embrace. "The doctor said there are options."

Damon's whole face contorted in rage. "The hell there are! You are not getting an abortion!" His words were brisk and angry and only fueled the fire and despair she was feeling at the moment. "Or giving it away"

"Last time I checked, I was the one with the baby inside me!"

Her words nearly made him flinch, but one look at her teary eyes and fearful face made the anger inside him ebb away. She was younger than him, still a teenager, and she had so much emotional baggage that he understood where she was coming from. She didn't believe they could make it work. "Do you truly wish to do that Elena?" he said softly as he moved closer to her, his eyes gentle as he tried to convey to her that they were going to be all right. "Do you think we won't be able to do this?"

"I don't know," she sighed in defeat when he pulled her into his arms once again.

"I'll be there for you, Elena, we'll do this together." He kissed her temple and caressed her hair gently and she relaxed into his embrace. It truly amazed her sometimes, how this man could change her entire world with just the touch of his fingers.

"But how?"

He framed her face with his hand, his nose touching hers in a playful manner "We'll figure it out. This is what our future was supposed to be… it's just happening a lot sooner." The corner of his mouth tipped up in a half-smile and for the first time since she learned the news, Elena felt a spark hope rising in her.

"I'm so afraid," she admitted.

He dropped his forehead to hers. "I am too, darling, but I promise you we'll make it work." His lips kissed her softly before pulling away. "In a few years, we'll even laugh about this memory"

Elena let out a small chuckle. "Now you're stretching it!"

"Trust me, we'll make it." He smiled as he pulled her down on the couch with him. Her body curling into his lap as he pressed soft kisses on her face.

"Okay," she said because in that moment she believed what he was saying. Damon wouldn't lie to her and she could always trust the words coming right out of his mouth. "I love you," she whispered when she felt his hand resting on her belly.

"I love you too," he answered as he sighed in content.

In that moment, Damon Salvatore felt like he truly had it all… little did he know that in a couple of months the whole fairytale he had created in his mind was going to crumble down.

* * *

 **PRESENT TIME**

 **.**

 **.**

They walked out into the biting cold of New York City in the winter. Her skin immediately breaking into goosebumps at the feel of the chilly air around her. She cursed mentally at her friends for making her wear such a revealing outfit and loathed herself even more for not bringing a coat, especially after Damon shrugged out of his leather jacket and placed it on her shoulders.

The piece of clothing smelled like him; like mint and freshness. It smelled like the past, like longing and she couldn't help but want to dive into that smell and never come out because for her it felt like safeness.

"Do you live far from here?" he asked as he raised his hand in an attempt to hail a cab.

"A couple of blocks north." she whispered as another yellow car drove past them without stopping. She knew they would probably be home faster if they walked instead of waiting for a cab but she did not feel the particular need of walking in the freezing cold.

"I live a few blocks to the south" He whispered and somehow their eyes met. In the bustling streets of Manhattan Damon and Elena were transported to the last time they saw each other, hugging as tears streamed down their faces in a worn out tiny bed placed against a wall, in a cramped apartment that smelled like grease from the restaurant across the block.

And now, they both lived in the Upper East Side, so close to each other and so far away from the people they once were.

A yellow cab, taking notice of Damon's raised hand, stopped in front of them and the spell broke. The years went by and they were no longer those two young lovers who once played grownups. They were once again these two people who had no idea of who each other was.

"Won't your wife get mad because you're taking me home?" Elena said after they settled in the cab and she gave her address to the driver. Her eyes were trained on the buildings outside the window as she tried not to pay too much attention to the way his body leaned against hers.

Had it really been that long since she last saw him? Somehow she felt like the time hadn't passed between them, because her body still hummed wildly at having him near her.

"My wife?" There was a hint of surprise in his words before he chuckled, "You mean Katherine?"

Elena rolled her eyes even though she knew he wouldn't be able to see her. "Of course I mean her. I saw the pictures; you had a beautiful wedding"

Damon clenched his jaw at the same time he bunched the fabric of his jeans on his hands. "I can hear the reproach in your words and I don't think it's fair. It was you who decided to walk away." A vein started throbbing on her forehead from the effort it took not to say anything; she knew his words were meant to get a reaction out of her and she was not going to give in so easily. "She's my ex-wife now."

He waited and when it was clear he wasn't going to get anything from her, he decided to continue. "I met her around five years ago at a fundraiser. I had started working at Parker & Associates a couple of months back and her father was one of my first clients. She was beautiful, wealthy and driven… she was a dream come true."

Elena closed her eyes in pain and tried to contain the tears that threaten to fall from her eyes. Couldn't he see how much his words affected her? Didn't he know that once upon a time she had seen herself as that woman in white walking with her arm linked in his? That despite everything she told him before leaving and every moment of doubt she had during their relationship, he was still the man she had wanted to spend her whole life with?

Damon swallowed deeply as he moved his eyes away from her and instead focused on the view outside the window, on the same side she was staring. "We dated for like six months before we decided to get married… it wasn't anything romantic; we just thought it was the logical step to follow," he chuckled bitterly "We were wrong… turns out it's very different to date a person and stay at their place once in a while than to live together."

Her head spun towards him and their eyes met, regret and pain hidden beneath those words; their memories taking them once again to that small apartment in the outskirts of Manhattan. "I would know," she whispered and he had to fight the urge not to flinch back.

"We were different," he told her.

"Were we?"

"Yes."

She broke away from his stare first; her eyes went briefly towards the driver who was pretending not to listen to them. "So what happened?" she asked after a while.

"I made the best decision of my life. Divorced her after three months," he laughed bitterly. "And there I was, a twenty nine year old divorcee wondering where he went wrong."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, she was an awful person and I'm glad we're no longer together." He paused, "I can't say I'm such a great guy anyway."

Her eyes rose to meet his once again and she was saddened to find that the spark that made her fall in love with him so long ago was no longer present in his baby blues. It wasn't just the wrinkles around the corners that made him appear different; it was the deep sense of weariness that seemed to have taken over the lively spark that once lived in those blue orbs. "What about the Damon Salvatore who wanted to save the world?"

He gave her a sad smile "I don't think he exists anymore."

Somehow that simple statement made her heart sink into an endless pool of despair.

They remained in silence the rest of the way to her apartment, a dark cloud of regret and longing looming over them. They got out of the car and as he walked her towards the door of her building; he was storing every feature of her body to his memory so that tonight on his bed, he could compare them to every memory he had of her.

"It was nice seeing you, Damon," she said softly after turning around to say goodbye. Her heart ached with the desire to not be parted from him; after ten years she was finally in front of him, in front of the biggest mistake of her life and she wasn't ready to let him go. But, truthfully, was she wasn't ready to let him in again.

She had done that once, despite her reservations and it had ended up breaking her completely. Elena didn't believe she would be able to survive him again.

"I want to see you again."

"I don't think that's-"

"Are you seeing someone?"

"No. But I don't think we should see each other again"

"Are we seriously going to repeat past mistakes?" He moved closer, his hands gripping her at the shoulders and Elena wanted to weep at the contact, wanted to throw caution into the wind and invite him to her bed like she did that first night so many years ago.

"I don't think I could take it again"

"We aren't the same as we were back then."

She gave him a sad look "Exactly." She pulled away from him and turned around in order to enter her place. The doors of her building were almost closing when she heard him shouting from the sidewalk.

"One day, I'm gonna marry you, Elena Gilbert!"

The breath got stuck in her throat but she did not stop; she kept going until she was safe in the elevator and she had some distance between them. But, she wasn't sure that distance was going to help her, because her heart was beating faster than it ever did before.

* * *

 **So, any thoughts? Can you have an idea now of what went downhill? Thanks so much for reading!**


	8. Just another girl

**Hey there!**

 **Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I love you all so much, please let me know what you think of this chapter and of this story so far.**

 **And thanks a lot to Amy for being an amazing beta for this story.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Maybe this confusion's got me losing my grip  
I can't believe you're out there flying with somebody else  
Now Jason's getting married in the blink of an eye  
I got an invitation but I didn't reply  
Tell your little brother that we put down the gloves  
And give him all of my love"

 **-The Killers-**

 **.**

 **.**

 **JULY 2005**

 **.**

 **.**

"What is with you and surprises?" Elena asked as Damon's hands settled on her hips, guiding her steps since a purple-looking blindfold was placed securely over her eyes.

"What is with you and not liking them?" he retorted with a chuckle as he continued to walk with her.

A month had passed since that fated night when Elena found out she was pregnant. After the fear had subsided and they both had assimilated that there was a new life growing inside her, they had decided to search for a gynecologist and pay her a visit. The doctor had informed them that Elena was five weeks pregnant which made things a lot more real than what they had anticipated.

Damon had called his mother and grandparents immediately even though Elena had wanted to wait until she was over twelve weeks, in case anything went wrong, but he had looked so hopeful and his blue eyes shone so bright that she couldn't help but give in and allow him to share the information with his family.

She, on the other hand, had kept herself tight lipped regarding the affair. She hadn't even said a single word to Bonnie. The only person who knew about it was Rebekah and that was partly because she was there when the doctor gave her the results and because it would havebeen hard to hide that from her roommate with all the morning sickness she was experiencing. Elena knew she would have to tell her family eventually, and told herself she just wanted to wait until after her first trimester, in case anything went wrong.

She was already nearing the ten weeks and it scared the hell out of her how fast the time was passing.

"And we are finally here." Elena felt Damon untying the blindfold from her face as she heard the sound of a door locking. When the cloth fell, her eyes opened and she stared open-mouthed to the sight in front of her.

"What is this place, Damon?" she asked as her eyes scanned the place. They were in the middle of what appeared a very small studio apartment. The floor was formica and looked rather old; the walls were painted a very dull cream color, the furniture was worn out and Elena recognized as the that from Damon's apartment. There was a distinctive smell of fried Chinese food all over the place. Yet, all of that faded away when she stared into the window and saw the lights of the buildings before her; the one saving grace of that place was the floor to ceiling windows overlooking Manhattan skyline. "Damon…?"

"You know that my internship is paid, right?" he asked as he went to stand in front of her and took both of her hands in his. She nodded her response and saw his eyes lighting up "Well, they are giving me really good money for all the hours I've been working and - mom helped a bit too - and now I'm able to afford the rent for this place"

"What in the world?" Elena asked surprised; the place was no palace that was for sure but its location on the edge of Manhattan surely made the rent skyrocket on more than they could afford. "Why would you do that?"

He smiled kindly as he stroked her cheek softly. "Because this apartment is right in the middle between Campus and my firm." His forehead dropped to hers as he closed his eyes. Elena didn't close hers and instead observed how beautiful he truly was up close. "I want you to move in with me."

"Why?"

Elena knew she probably should have been surprised with his question but truth was she had a feeling this was coming from the minute she got pregnant. While the mere thought of being responsible for another human being made her body paralyze with dread, this seemed to be Damon's dream come true so she knew it was only a matter of time until he started wanting her to move in with him.

"Because we are having a baby." he answered, his breath caressing her face. "Because I want to go to sleep with you and wake up with you, because I want to pull your hair up during your morning sickness and I want to feel the baby moving when it starts happening." One of his hands settled on her hip and pulled her body even closer to his while the other went to the barely noticeable bump on her tummy. "I want to take care of you Elena, both of you."

Elena knew that if he had asked this of her a couple of month's back she would have said no; she knew that this was the last thing she wanted. She knew deep in her heart that they were moving too fast and that everything was starting to feel suffocating but in that moment… in that moment, his breath was minty as it caressed her face and his hands were gentle and loving on her body.

A smile graced his lips and his eyes remained closed and gave a childish aura to his whole face. She was able to picture a small looking boy with his eyes running around that old and ugly apartment and for a minute she wanted it all, wanted everything she knew existed in his dreams and she knew that if she said no a part of Damon was going to die and he would never be the same again.

So in spite every instinct inside her, she uttered the words she would have never imagined herself saying.

"Yes, I'll move in with you"

He kissed her then; his lips tasted like happiness and the promise of a happily ever after and there in his arms she allowed herself to not be afraid for once in her life. To enjoy and let herself be swept away by that force of nature that was Damon Salvatore.

Afterwards, when the night had settled and hot morning air had transformed into a slighter chilly one. Damon Elena were laying on the worn looking couch, her back to his chest while they gazed at the twinkling lights of New York sky, a bottle of beer in his hand and a glass of apple juice in her.

"How about Nora?" he asked before placing a soft kiss on her temple.

Elena smiled while she pretended to think about his option "I like it, though my maternal instincts tell me we're having a boy." Her hand went to rest on her lower stomach and Damon felt his chest puffing out with adoration for the woman in his arms.

"Maternal instincts already, huh?"

"Stop making fun of me!" Elena said while slapping his thigh. Damon laughed and the vibrations travelled all through her body.

"What about Angel?"

Elena rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her face "You've been watching too much Buffy," she joked as she let her head fall completely against his chest. "I'm thinking Theo."

He snorted, "Dear lord, please don't, you're not giving birth to an eighty year old." Elena slapped his thigh again and he laughed before kissing her cheek softly "What about Johnny?"

"I kind of like that one," she said softly while she closed her eyes and felt him taking the glass of juice from her hand. "Daniel?"

"Definitely a good choice," he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist while she snuggled more deeply into his body. "I can't believe this is actually real." His voice was charged with emotion while he ran his hand absently over her belly.

Despite all of her fears in worries Elena felt absolutely content at the moment; here in their new home with his sweet words in her ear and his arms around her. She could wish for her happily ever after, she could pretend she would be more than her mother was and that she would actually be a good parent.

In that moment she was absolutely and truly happy.

"I know what you mean, I'm feeling the changes in my body and I can hardly believe it."

They remained in silence for a couple of minutes; he peppered kisses all over her face while she smiled in complete bliss. Never in a million years would she have thought that when she walked inside the pub with Rebekah that she was going to find this at the other side.

"You let Rebekah know you're staying the night?" he asked after a while.

"Yes, and I told her we're going tomorrow to pick up my stuff." She sucked in a breath. "She was as shocked as me."

Damon took a lock of her long hair and twirled around his finger absently while he ran his nose over the side of her face. "What about Bonnie, have you told her anything r?"

Elena stiffened in his arms as she felt a heavy dread settling in her stomach. "Damon, I…"

"Why don't you want to say anything to them?"

Elena tried not to flinch at the hurt in his voice, she knew what he was probably feeling but she couldn't help but feel the way she felt. "Honestly… I'm afraid." She couldn't help but think about the faces her parents were going to make when she told them, how disappointed they were going to be. She knew it was only a matter of time, but keeping this a secret made everything seem easier, untarnished. "I don't know what they're going to think of me, I'm afraid of what they're going to say."

He was quiet for a while and she feared she had upset him but then she felt his arms tightening around her and hear his words in her ear. "You know this is nothing to be ashamed of, right?"

"I just need some time," she whispered and prayed for him to understand.

He sighed sadly. "Whatever you need, sweetheart." She craned her neck to the side in order to see his face and the complete honestly and devotion she saw in his eyes nearly disarmed her. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too, Damon," she answered before turning around in his arms and joining their lips together.

* * *

 **PRESENT TIME**

 **.**

 **.**

Elena Gilbert scooped another bite of chocolate mint chip with her spoon and felt a pair of eyes looking at her. She sighed as she turned to the unflinching stare "Sorry buddy, but this could literally kill you."

She swore the adorable Cocker Spaniel she had adopted a couple of years back let out a sad cry before turning around on his paws and going to his hiding place underneath the couch. "I know it doesn't seem like it but I'm doing you a favor, Max." There was no answer from the dog, but Elena knew it was only a matter of time before he forgave her.

She sighed sadly as she continued attacking her pint of ice cream; she was currently sitting in one of the high chairs of her kitchen and the ankle length lacy robe she was wearing that made her feel a bit like Blair Waldorf almost graced the floor. She had been living in her sleeping clothes since Friday when Damon Salvatore waltzed back into her life.

Elena had woken Saturday morning to two texts from him, one only saying **Hi, I'm Damon** and the other one saying **I need to see you again.** Elena had chosen to ignore the way her heart fluttered at the sight of those words and instead directed all of her energy towards being angry with her perky blonde best friend who she was absolutely certain was the one who gave Damon her number.

So she had decided to ignore the rest of the world for the weekend and remain locked inside her high class apartment watching Bridget Jones on repeat while eating her weight in ice cream and pizza. If you asked her, this was the perfect example of a wonderful weekend. However, she knew that her friends were only capable of giving her so much space, so she expected both of them to come barreling in her apartment (they both had keys) at any minute now, since it was Sunday and they had a tradition to always have brunch on Sundays.

As if programmed to do it, not ten minutes passed and Bonnie and Caroline came through the door carrying to-go boxes from the quirky restaurant Elena loved on Twelfth Avenue.

"I am so sorry; I am the worst friend in the world. I have a serious issue and I can't stop myself from meddling into other people's business." The blonde dropped the boxes in the counter and went to smother her with a hug.

Max, the little traitor, came out of his hiding and immediately went to rub himself against Caroline's leg as if somehow he was a cat instead of a dog. "Give me a sec Max, I'll be with you in a minute," the blonde said without releasing Elena. "Can you forgive me? I need to give love to your dog?"

"Yeah, yeah," Elena said as she patted her friend's back and pulled away from her embrace.

"I swear we didn't mean to" Bonnie said softly as she took a seat in the high chair right in front of Elena.

Caroline picked up Max and started scratching his ears as the puppy rubbed against her hands. "Yeah, but he trained those baby blues on us and we couldn't resist him," she said while giving Elena an apologetic smile.

"Plus, you wanted to get it on with his brother," Elena said with a roll of her eyes and then narrowed her eyes when she saw Caroline hiding a grin behind Max's ears. "Oh my God, you totally got it on with him, didn't you?"

The girl placed a big kiss into the dog's head before releasing him into the floor and giving Elena a cheeky smile. "A girl doesn't kiss and tell."

Elena stared at her dumbstruck for a whole second before shaking her head. "Good for you, honey." she said with a chuckle while she tried to busy herself pulling out the contents of the boxes.

Caroline went to wash her hands while Bonnie helped her. Her oldest friend stared fixedly at her as they settled the food on the table. "So?" Bonnie asked with a raised brow.

"So what?"

"What happened with you two that night?" The eagerness in her friend's voice surprised her and Elena had to remind herself that neither Bonnie nor Caroline knew what truly went down with her and Damon.

She shrugged trying to appear nonchalant. "He brought me home and we talked"

"You talked?" Caroline's suspicions voice came from behind her. "Only that?" The blonde looked at her skeptically while she sat down on the chair next to hers.

Elena took a deep breath, her chest constricting suddenly for some reason. "I wasn't going to jump into bed… Damon was- there's too much baggage" Her eyes lowered down and she focused her attention in a piece of bacon.

How could she make her friends understand that Damon represented every single regret she had in life? They didn't know the whole story, they wouldn't be able to understand why he had such an impact in her life and why the thought of letting him again paralyzed her with fear and excited her at the same time.

Bonnie seemed to find something in her eyes because her expression softened and she placed her hand on top of hers. "I'm sorry, honey"

"But… isn't he the one who got away, Len?" Caroline whispered. "Aren't you supposed to be making everything out of this second chance?"

Elena stared at the blue eyes of her friend and found herself at a loss for words. Just a couple of days ago, she had been reflecting about how the biggest mistake of her life had been letting Damon walk out of her life. Over the years on more than one occasion, she found herself thinking about how her life could have gone if she hadn't left him and now life was finally giving her a chance to explore a different outcome to her story.

Then why wasn't she running into this opportunity as fast as she could?

She sighed sadly while shaking her head. "I truly don't know, I'm so messed up right now."

Caroline smiled kindly at her before shifting her attention to the food on the table "Well, that's nothing that a couple of waffles and extra crispy bacon can't fix."

"And some mimosas," Bonnie said while pulling out a bottle of champagne from the fridge while Caroline started pouring the orange juice.

"Yeah, because who has brunch without mimosas."

Elena smiled widely as she stared at her friends. There were definitely a couple of things from her life she wished she could change but these two women weren't one of them.

"You truly are great," she told them after they handed her a glass with the cool beverage.

"We know, darling, and we love you" Caroline said before placing a kiss on Elena's cheek.

They spent the rest of the morning among laughs and shared jokes. They ate and drank and even did a little bit of dancing. When nighttime arrived, Elena's heart felt more at ease, which was why she decided to write her first text to Damon.

 **I've missed you.**


	9. What I've never told a woman since

**Finally after a long wait I bring you a new chapter, thank you so much for still waiting for this story and letting me know how much you love it, it truly means the world to me. And of course thanks to Amy for doing a great job as** a beta.

 **Please enjoy!**

* * *

"I told her of the caress I'd saved for her, the presents with which I'd planned to surprise her, the ways I would have loved her and made her happy. In short, I told her all the crazy things I never would have said if she could hear me and that I've never told a woman since"

 **-Isabel Allende-  
**

 **.**

 **.**

 **OCTOBER 2005**

The loud sound of thumps against wood woke her up; her tired eyes opened and she stared at the celling for a couple of seconds while she tried to bring back her senses from the dreamland, the pounding became louder and she heard the faint sound of her friend cursing from outside the door.

"Where is she?"

The sound of his voice made the drowsiness of her sleep evaporate from her body to be replaced by a burning sense of anger she was barely able to contain.

"She's sleeping, why don't you come back in the morning?"

"The hell I will!"

Elena heard the heavy sound of his footsteps approaching and threw off the covers from her body. At the same time, she stood up and fixed her hair so she wouldn't look like a complete mess. She had on a pair of sleeping shorts and a t-shirt Rebekah had lent to her, the brunette girl had ran off to her friend's new home after she found herself waiting alone in the doctor's office because Damon simply had forgotten about their appointment. She had been so hurt and disappointed that remaining in their home just waiting for him to arrive had seemed like the worst form of torture.

"What in the world are you doing here?" Those were the first words he spoke as he threw open the door of the spare room and looked at her standing by the bed, not the least bit surprised that she was awake.

"What do you care?" she responded insolently.

His face contorted in complete rage, his hair and clothes were disheveled and his eyes weary. The look gave him an almost savage aura. "What do I care?" he laughed sardonically. "I've been at work all fucking day Elena. And when I arrive home, I find that you are not there and I have no absolutely clue where the fuck you are!" A vein was popping on his jaw as he spoke, his form towering over her. "I was terrified something happened to you!"

"As you can see, I am absolutely fine!" she retorted, making his anger fuel even more.

Rebekah stood at the entrance of the room, a worried look etched on her face as she regarded the fighting couple; Elena noticed her presence and with a wave of her hand signaled for her to give them privacy. The blonde girl didn't think that was a good idea; but decided to respect her friend's wishes and closed the door behind her.

"Why the hell did you to this to me, Elena?"

She laughed hollowly, angry tears brimming at her eyes. "You don't even remember, do you?" She couldn't help her heart breaking at the dumbfounded expression on his face. "You were supposed to be with me today, Damon; we were supposed to learn the sex of our baby!"

His expression changed the minute the words left her mouth; his eyes softened in embarrassment and hurt, disbelief crossing his face at having forgotten such an important moment. "Elena…"

"We are having a boy, by the way…" she said and the way her voice wavered made something inside him break. "Not that you care…"

His face twisted in pain. "How can you say that?" he whispered as he moved towards her but Elena moved back so she was out of his reach.

"You knew this was important, Damon. How could you simply forget?"

His eyes looked down, his hands clenching and unclenching at his side. "I've… you know I've gone mad with this case. I was holed up in the office all day…" he trailed off, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

Elena sniffled. "Yes, and this is exactly what I feared was going to happen."

"What are you talking about?"

Angry tears started rolling down her cheeks as she moved towards him. "You out all day doing God knows what while I remain home taking care of the kids… this is what our life is going to be, Damon?"

His eyes moved up, his hand reaching to touch her face. "Elena, you're overreacting."

"Am I?" she said with scorn as she moved her face away from his hand. "This is the exact reason why I didn't want this; we are too young."

He stiffened at her words, his blue eyes turning glacial as he looked at her. "How can you say that about our son?"

"The son you don't care about!" she shouted as she turned her back on him.

"I don't care about him?" Damon fisted his hands at his sides, his body nearly shaking with contained rage. "Like you're one to talk!" he spat angrily. "You're six months pregnant and still haven't managed to tell your family!"

Her eyes opened wide in complete outrage. "Don't you dare bring that up!"

He shook his head in frustration. "I'm just pointing out facts, sweetheart. You think I don't care about our son? Why do you think I bust my ass all day at work? Because I want to be able to give him everything; so I can give you everything."

A sardonic hollow laugh left her mouth before she turned around and faced him once again. "Oh please… don't use us as an excuse!"

"Sorry?"

A nasty and angry feeling had formed in her chest and she couldn't help the words that left her mouth, though she regretted them the minute they were out. "All you want is to prove to Daddy and everyone that you are better than him; that's why you lock yourself in the office all day, not for us!"

"How can you-" he stammered, his form recoiling from her. "You don't understand anything, Elena," he said harshly.

She looked at him in silence for a few seconds, hating every second of this argument and that rotting feeling burning inside her chest, she didn't want to feel this way, didn't want to hurt him and be hurt and somehow she knew that if they kept with this conversation everything was going to end up worse.

"What I understand is that I want you out right now," she whispered in defeat. She dropped herself into the bed, her hand went to rest on her growing belly and his eyes followed her movements, the need to touch her burned inside him.

"No, I won't be leaving without you."

Elena looked at him, he looked exhausted and devastated; the last thing she wanted was to be away from him but she needed some space so she could think clearly. "That's too bad, because I won't go anywhere with you."

"I won't be moving, Elena" he said stubbornly.

The door of the room opened and Rebekah appeared "I'm sorry, Damon, but you must leave."

His jaw clenched at the blonde's words, he looked at Elena intently, willing her to say something but she remained silent.

"Listen to Bekah, Damon"

The voice of Marcel sounded from behind him and he nearly rolled his eyes; the last thing he wanted was someone telling him what to do, but he also knew that he didn't wanted to upset Elena or their son so he only levelled with his eyes and whispered, "I'm not done with you."

He strode out without another word but he didn't go home, he sat on the porch of the small house and remained there the whole night because he had been an idiot and missed one of the most important moments of his life; he didn't want to miss anything else.

* * *

 **Present Time**

 **.**

 **.**

" **How was the meeting?"**

" _I want to stab everyone"_

" **That bad, then"**

" **You just gave me a pretty picture to imagine the rest of the day"**

" **Are we back on the silent treatment?"**

" _Jesus, it's been five minutes stop blowing up my phone. You act like a teenager"_

" **Ouch, you got meaner with time."**

" **Are you still feeling murderous?"**

"Maybe"

" **Just please don't stain your clothes, I'd like to take you to dinner"**

" **Elena?"**

"I can't"

" **Sure you can. I'll see you at six"**

Elena stared down at her phone, the words swimming around in front of her eyes as she contemplated the fact that it had been three days since she and Damon started exchanging texts. The first one was the one she sent on Sunday night telling him she missed him. After that, a strained but somehow comfortable conversation developed between them; they talked about everything and anything at all, like somehow the protection the cold device provided for them allowed them to be just a woman and a man getting to know each other instead of two ex-lovers who once had the whole world within reach.

But now, he wanted to remove that protection and meet her, the idea chilled her to the bone, but somehow she couldn't resist the pull that moved her towards him, like it had been since the moment they met. Elena knew any resistance would be futile because he was going to find a way to weasel into her heart like he did so many years ago. This time she didn't want to resist; she was scared, but she was also completely exhilarated.

That day went on like a blur for her; she focused on her next column and received a package with makeup straight from France so she could test and review later. She updated her social media with the latest trends and even managed to eat lunch with Caroline without blurting about her exchange with Damon. She tried to keep herself busy throughout the morning so she wouldn't have to think about him, though random questions couldn't help but pop on her mind every once in a while.

 _Where is he meeting me?_

 _Will I see him at home?_

 _What should I wear?_

 _What if he never shows up?_

Her mind was a jumbled mess, and she was certain she was going to start breaking out a rash any time soon due to the stress, so when the clock struck six and she realized she was done for the day, she sprung from her chair and nearly floated towards the building's entrance.

The humid crispy wind of New York City greeted her when she stepped outside the building; the sun was starting to set and the city seemed to glow under its dying spark. She raised her face towards the sky and breathed in deeply, forcing her nerves and her racing heart to slow down and enjoy that moment life was gifting her with.

"I always told you there was nothing like New York."

As her eyes were closed, for a minute she believed to have imagined those words, perhaps she was already losing her mind and hearing things she shouldn't, but when her face lowered and her eyes opened she met a sight that could make any woman's heart melt.

Damon Salvatore was in the backseat of a sleek black car, the window rolled down, a crisp dark gray suit on his body and that flirty smirk gracing his lips. "What kind of Mr. Big stunt is this?" her lips curled in a smile as she teased him.

"I wanted to impress you," he said before opening the car door and stepping onto the sidewalk. "Did it work?"

Elena pretended to think about it as she eyed the car and his figure standing next to it. "Perhaps just a little." He smiled brightly at her and extended his hand so she could take it.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

Once again, Elena couldn't help but be surprised by Damon and all the force behind him. She had expected for him to show up at her house later at night to take her out, and yet, he had come to her work ready to sweep her off her feet. She would no longer have to worry about what to wear or whether he was going to forget or not.

Damon was a hurricane and once more he was sweeping her away.

She got in the comfy and luxurious car, all while thinking about how different Damon's life was and hers too for that matter, how far away they were from those kids who rode the subway and bought pizza and beer on their way to their dorms.

She wondered if he sometimes would get that gripping pain in the center of his chest, while thinking about what was and what could have been, or if he was happy and settled into his current life so he no longer yearned for a future that never came to be.

They rode to the restaurant in comfortable silence; they made small talk about their days and the meetings they both were subjected to. They talked about the weather and the TV shows they were currently watching, and for a minute it seemed to Elena that they were as close as they would ever be to those young kids who met each other at a pub over ten years ago.

"So, is it everything you ever dreamed?" he asked a couple of hours later, as he leaned back on his chair and loosened his tie. They had enjoyed a delicious dinner of salmon and vegetables accompanied by the most delicious rosé Elena had ever tasted.

Damon had chosen a fancy but cozy restaurant and they were currently sitting in a secluded table, a chocolate truffle on her fingers as she answered. "Yes and no," she said before taking the sweet to her mouth and biting into it.

"How so?" he asked, his blue eyes boring into her, true interest shining in them. It was one of the things Elena had loved the most about Damon; when you were with him, nothing else existed but you and him.

She thought of his question as she chewed. "Well, it was great for a while. I enjoyed it, and I felt like I was doing what I loved, but lately I just can't help but feel stuck."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." His expression had a wistful air. "Why not pursue something else, like your fiction?"

Elena chuckled, her chest warming up with memories of a happy past. "You still can't get over my Lord of the Rings fanfiction, right?" She teased and watched with delight as he threw his head back and laughed.

"What can I say; I was a sucker for Legola's love story." A wide grin and sparkling eyes were present on his face as he looked at her. "No, seriously, do you still love fiction?"

Elena's mind went to the manuscripts she kept stashed under her bed. "I do," she nodded. "I just don't think I'm that good. Fashion has always been my forte in writing… perhaps I just need a change of pace."

He took hold of his glass and looked at her over the rim of it, mischief shinning in them, "Maybe you should take a chance." Her cheeks heated up under his scrutinizing gaze.

She took a sip of her wine and cleared her throat, trying to shake the lingering feelings his devious stare had left in her. "What about you, do you love your job?" His expression transformed and his mouth opened as if to say something, but nothing came out. "I'll take that as a no," she joked.

He stared at her stunned into silence for a moment. How could he explain to her that he didn't wish for her to know how disappointing his life was at the moment? How much he had strayed from all the hopes he dreams he once harbored as a young man.

He didn't want admit to her how broken he was, how much it teared him apart to know he once had it all without knowing it, and that now he was well aware he had nothing while having it all at the same time.

"Let's not dwell on unpleasant subjects," he said instead of everything he truly wanted to say. "How is Jenna?"

She sensed he didn't wish to dwell on their previous subject, so she allowed him to steer their conversation in another direction. "Oh, she's amazing! She and Ric have two kids now and they drive her mad," she chuckled. "It's so funny to watch those two pretending to be grown-ups-" The barest shift in his eyes made her stop in her tracks, a pulsating heat spreading over her chest. "So much for not getting into unpleasant subjects," she whispered and saw in fascination how his eyes misted.

"Do you blame me?" he whispered; the whole world around them disappeared and they were no longer in the restaurant but in a cold and sterile hospital room so many years ago.

She shook her head lightly. "No."

He closed his eyes in apparent relief and Elena felt the need to reach across the table and take her hand in his. "Do you mean it?" he said as his eyes opened and showed her how much that wretched day still tormented him to this moment.

"Yes," she choked out the word.

His eyes brimmed. "Do you regret us?"

She closed her eyes and was transported to a crowded pub over ten years ago next to that boy who had once promised her he would marry her someday.

Her smile curved in a sad smile. "Never." He stared at her without uttering a word, both of them feeling the overwhelming need of being close to the other, of tearing down every wall separating them and reach that thing they had been yearning for years.

But they couldn't run without walking, not matter how much they wanted.

So Elena took a deep breath and tried to compose her features, tried to put a mask on her face so he wouldn't read her so easily. "How is Stefan?"

He looked startled by the question, as if he still remained locked inside that world they had created for each other. "He's… you never got to meet him right?" She nodded and something resembling pain crossed his features. "Well, he's a free bird, owns the bar where we met but likes to bartend as much as he can."

"What about his art?"

"Successful son of a bitch, that one; he works on that and has sold quite a bit of it, but he sees it only as a hobby."

"He and Caroline really hit it off!" she told him with a chuckle, grateful that they had been able to abandon that world of pain that had wrapped them up for a second.

He reached his hands across the table to touch her but chickened out at the last minute and gripped the cloth instead. "I actually wanted to talk about that."

Elena regarded him wearily. "Okay?"

"He invited her to the Hamptons next week."

"Oh?" her mouth parted in surprise.

"And I want you to come with her," he said and chuckled when her eyes widened like saucers. "You can bring Bonnie too."

Elena sighed, "Damon, I don't think-"

His blue eyes looked at her pleadingly "I don't expect anything Elena… just, please…come with me."

She didn't know what prompted her to agree, perhaps it was the way he looked at her like everything he wanted in life she could give him, or perhaps it was the way her heart beat in her chest at his request, or maybe it was that voice in her head that never stopped telling her she made a huge mistake.

Whatever it was, she surprised herself when she whispered, "Alright."

His whole face lit up before a shadow of incredulity crossed his features. "Really?" he asked, and when she nodded, he smiled back again.

They were in their own private little world and in that moment they weren't going to allow anything to burst the bubble, not even themselves.

* * *

 **Review?**


	10. The most powerful emotion of his life

Hello guys!

Sorry for the late update but like I mentioned before life is a bit crazy at the moment, I want to thank you all for all the love and support you have given this story, I always said it was going to be a heartbreaker and I'm thankful to you for sticking with me despite that.

Please enjoy and let me know what you think.

* * *

"Esteban Trueba's exaggerated love for her was without a doubt the most powerful emotion of his life, greater by far than his rage and pride. Half a century later, he would still be speaking of it with the same shudder and the same sense of urgency. In his old man's bed, he would continue to call her name until the day he died "

 **-Isabel Allende-**

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 _ **NOVEMBER 2005**_

 _Meg Ryan sad gloomy face covered their entire TV while they were intertwined as best as they could on the small comfy bed of their tiny apartment; rumpled lavender sheets were tangled on their legs and a bowl of popcorn rested between their bodies as their eyes remained glued into the screen._

" _Oh he's moving again" Elena said with a yelp as she placed her hands on top of her now very prominent belly._

 _Damon chuckled and went to rest his hand next to hers, marveling himself at the feel of his son moving inside her body "I still can't believe how wonderful this feels"_

 _Elena rolled her eyes in a playful manner "Yeah because you aren't the one whose organs are getting regrouped" She sighed as she readjusted her position on the bed "He's going to be a hellion, your son"_

 _He gave her a lopsided grin "Let's hope so"_

" _Cheeky" She said while smacking his cheek softly. Her eyes moved back to the screen in time to see Meg Ryan trying to walk to a portal on top of a bridge "Oh how I love this move"_

" _I must admit it's quite good"_

 _Elena laughed and threw a bit of popcorn in his direction "Oh come on, you know you adore it" He caught her hand and removed the bowl from the middle so she could snuggle into his body "You have a man crush on Hugh Jackman"_

" _That might be true" He whispered and then remained in silence as he saw her repeating every dialogue left in the movie. He had lost count of how many nights they had spent next to Kate & Leopold and yet every time it was like she was watching it for the first time, her eyes shone brightly as they remained fixed on the screen "You are adorable" He whispered softly before kissing her forehead "I love you"_

 _Her brown doe eyes left the screen and rose to meet his blue ones "I love you too Damon" She tipped her face up and met his lips halfway; It was soft, gentle and full of love, the kind of kisses Elena had once dreamed about._

 _She parted from his mouth and snuggled into his chest, the rolling credits of the movie appearing on the screen "Do you need to go to work today?" She murmured as she casted her eyes to the sunlight streaming through the window._

" _Yes" He said with a hard sigh. His working schedule had been the source of very intense argument between them but since the big fight they had when she first had her sonogram Damon swore to never let work get in the way of them, he was still working on it but he believed he could make it possible "But I still have a couple more hours to snuggle with you and Danny so let's not sour our time left"_

" _Okay" She answered, placated for the moment._

 _She took the remote and starting zapping through the channels while he stroked her hair softly "Jenna called" He said after a while._

" _So much for souring our time…" Elena muttered._

" _You haven't told her"_

 _The hurt and disappointment on his voice was enough to break her own heart but how could she make him understand that it wasn't that she didn't want them to know, it was that she hadn't found the right time._

 _Or at least that's what she told herself._

" _I know you think I'm doing this on propose but I'm not" She sighed as she sat down and faced him "I was going to but then the whole Alaric's ex-wife is actually alive happened and I mean I couldn't drop the bomb, and I've barely spoken with Bonnie lately because her schedule is crazy, and Jeremy is trying to get into art school and I never speak with my parents so…"_

" _So they don't know"_

 _She casted her eyes down, ashamed of her actions "I might invite them when Danny turns one" She murmured trying to ease the tension. Luckily for her, Damon was an easy man to please._

 _He laughed slightly and pinched her tight lovingly "Cheeky"_

 _She smiled at him and leaned down to move a strand of hair from his forehead "I will tell them Damon, I just need to find the right time"_

 _He sighed "Fine, perhaps Danny could tell them once he starts talking"_

 _She pretended to think about it "That is actually a good idea"_

 _Damon laughed and gently moved her body until she was once again pressed against his side, their child safe and happy inside her "Silly girl" He said playfully before kissing her cheek "I love you"_

" _I love you too" She said before placing a kiss onto his chest "So much that I would walk over a bridge to get to you"_

 _He grinned "To another life time"_

 _Her hand found his and she laced their fingers together "To every life time" She took their joined hands to her lips and kissed them, sealing a pact that needed no words._

* * *

 **PRESENT TIME**

He watched her laugh from where he sat at the balcony of his room on the second floor; she was wearing a white summer dress and her hair fell around her in almost ethereal waves. She was even more beautiful than he remembered and the mere sight of her caused his chest to ache with love and longing.

He still couldn't believe that she had agreed to come with them; that he had spent the entire morning watching her laugh and hearing the sound of her voice. That she was now sitting by the pool with his brother and her friends, that somehow this wasn't part of a dream but of the reality.

He couldn't bear how beautiful she looked, more mature and less naïve but beautiful all the same. He still remembered the last time he saw her; the Spanish sun shone on her as she stepped out of that pale yellow building and into the arms of an unknown man; Damon's heart had shattered in that moment, along the single sunflower he had gripped on his hand. He returned home a broken man, and married Katherine six months after that.

But now it was different, there was no other man with his arms around her. She was as free as the first time they met, he had a chance of doing it all again but as he looked at her everything that was wrong with his life had rushed into the surface because for a moment he had been that same boy who was ten years ago, the one who wanted to save the world and not the one who slaved himself in a high profile office helping people he knew didn't deserve it.

God how he wished he could still be that boy he was, how he wished he could capture everything he felt back in the day; the safeness of having the future ahead of you, the fear of the unknown, the joy of having the person you love next to you with a bottle of beer and a box of pizza and not needing anything else to be happy.

That was true happiness for him, having her curled next to him while they watched Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman in the screen, her breath caressing his neck while his arms were around her. It was being in love and believing in every possibility, having a future ahead of them together, it was the quiet mornings with the chilly air in Central park as they enjoyed a picnic; it was running across the Brooklyn Bridge with her on his back and no worries on his mind.

Those were the moments and the feelings that seethed into his bones as he stared at her under the moon light tonight, those feelings that he truly never let go off, that he tried to find anywhere else; that he failed to find in his wife, and his job, and his parties and his money. She was everything that was good and right in his life and when she disappeared everything changed for him, he lost sight of who he was meant to be, of who he wanted to be and let himself be swept away by this thing we call life.

But now as he looked at her tonight, he never wished more for the chance to go back in time and be that naïve young boy again, that boy who had his whole life ahead of him to do the things he wanted to do. And he also wondered if perhaps meeting her again was some kind of sign that there was still time to have that life he once dreamed; a life with this woman, a family with children running around while they snuggled on the couch in a warm Christmas morning, of doing the job he love and enjoy it, of vising his mother more often and not concerning himself with money and all those things that he swore to never worry about.

He wanted a second chance and knew it wasn't fair to lay it down on her shoulders but for him that chance looked just like her.

He took a drag of the bottle of beer in his hand as he heard footsteps approaching him from behind "Don't you look gloomy tonight" The voice of his best friend Enzo said but Damon couldn't tear his eyes away from Elena, not even to stare at his friend as he sat down on the chair next to him.

"She is quite a beauty" The English man commented.

"She is"

"Why aren't you with them right now?" Enzo asked

Damon sighed before sipping from his bottle "I don't wat to overwhelm her"

Elena had always been a scared little mouse and he knew if he pushed too hard or moved too fast, she was going to squirrel away, frightened and upset. He made the mistake of rushing things too soon once and he didn't wish to do that a second time.

Enzo chuckled lightly from where he sat next to him "It's hard for me to understand you sometimes mate"

"Likewise"

The two men remained in silence for a moment, their eyes fixed on the people sitting around the pool who were laughing loudly. They were currently in a house Damon and Stefan owned at the Hamptons and they planned to stay there for the whole long weekend; Damon didn't know how long he was going to endure being near Elena and not really having her.

Enzo exhaled loudly and leaned back on his chair as he placed his feet up on the railing and crossed them at the ankles "I actually came here with a purpose"

"No" Damon answered instantly, without giving the other man a chance to voice his thoughts. Instead of feeling offended by the obvious rudeness of his best friend, Enzo laughed softly, his eyes twinkling in glee as he threw a sideway glance in direction of the other man.

"How long are you going to refuse me Damon?"

"Until you realize it's not what I want"

"Do you forget I know you since you were a wide eyed freshman in college?" There was an edge of nostalgia on Enzo's voice that was so strong that made Damon tear his gaze away from Elena and look at him "I know what your dream is Damon and it's not slaving yourself in Parker & associates"

Damon's jaw clenched at the other man's words, his hand gripping the bottle in his hand harshly "Your firm is real good Enzo but nowhere near as high profit as Parker"

"And nowhere near as dirty" Enzo said with a knowing glance in his direction "Why are you running Damon"

"I'm not" Damon answered, stubbornness laced his words before he took another drag from his bottle.

Enzo observed him in silence for a moment; he watched the dark shadows under his eyes, the weariness on his face and the general aspect of a man who wasn't happy with his life; he felt a pang of sadness hit him in the chest when he remembered the cheerful and sunny man his friend used to be "You know you deserve to be happy, right?"

Damon's nostrils flared "Shut up Enzo" He muttered before tearing his gaze away from his friend and taking it back to the girl below them.

Enzo sighed sadly "What happened wasn't your fault Damon; you should stop punishing yourself for it" He hesitated for a moment "Start doing the things you love, start enjoying your life. You don't have to suffer forever"

"Why do I get to be happy when he couldn't?" The words were spoken so low that the other man barely heard them. The heavy pain that existed in them was enough to break anyone's heart, it sure did break his.

Enzo lowered his legs from the railing and sat up with his hands over his knees, his head turned slightly to stare at his friend "You need to start letting go Damon, otherwise you'll break eventually"

"Maybe it's what I deserve" The other man muttered, his blue eyes lost in the vision before him; the vision that presented so many things lost.

"Do you really think this is what she wishes for you?" Enzo whispered "You've shown her the sunny and happy man you appear to be but will you let her see the other side?"

The firmly placed mask on Damon's face slipped for a second and suddenly he wasn't the confident cool man he appeared but a young lost boy who feared his whole world was going to crumble "Perhaps she won't stick around long enough to see him"

"That is not what you wish"

Damon chuckled darkly before placing the now empty bottle on the edge of the railing and standing up "We hardly ever get what we wish Enzo" He threw one last look in direction of his friend and started walking towards the door leading to the hallway.

"That might be true" He heard Enzo said "Just think about it mate, it's time for you to start living again"

* * *

Later that night while the entire house was found in darkness and quietness Damon was unable to sleep; he shrugged the sheets out of his body and stood up with the intentions of going to the kitchen for a snack but the streaming light coming out of the balcony stopped him and made him redirection his steps

He found her in the same chair he had vacated hours ago after he left Enzo alone in the balcony. Her long hair fell over her back and curled slightly at the edges, her arms were placed parallel over her knees and her face was resting between her hands.

It was a sight to behold and nearly took his breath away "What are you doing up?" He asked softly as he walked further into the balcony.

She shrugged "Couldn't sleep"

"Yeah me neither" He said with a sigh as he dropped himself into the chair next to hers.

They remained in silence for a few minutes, the sound of the crashing waves nearby and the palm trees rustling around them were the only sound that could be heard and Damon though briefly that once upon a time this would have been considered a perfect moment

"You've barely spoke to me today" Elena said after a while, her voice was low but harsh and made a spark of defensiveness start in him.

"That is not true"

Elena chuckled bitterly as she moved her body so her back was now lying on the chair, face twisted slightly to stare at him "Why invite me if you didn't want to spend time with me?"

Damon took his hand to his hair and ruffled it a bit while he tried to find the words he wanted to say, she waited expectantly and he broke down under the steel of her gaze "I want to spend time with you Elena it's just…"

"What?"

"I'm afraid you're going to flee"

Her features transformed and he saw a barrier covering her from him; he wanted to take his words back, wanted to stop himself from speaking and saying something lighter instead

"I guess that makes sense" She whispered as her eyes moved to the front, gaze lost in the endless sky.

"I didn't mean it like that" He said after a while, knowing exactly what was going through that head of hers "I don't blame you for leaving"

Elena sighed sadly, weariness seemed to crawl into her very pores "But you do. I can see it in your eyes"

Damon shook his head and twisted his body so he was now sitting facing her side "It's not true Len, I could never blame you for anything of what happened back then"

Elena closed her eyes at the sound of the nickname in his lips, how was it that with just one word he could transport her to years back? To that small apartment and moments filled with happiness.

"But you can blame yourself?" She asked after a while, her eyes going back to his "I'm not stupid Damon" She told him.

Elena could see the guilt streaming out of his very pores, she had perceived in him since the first time they met again; no matter how confident and cool Damon appeared to everyone else there was darkness in him that couldn't be denied, a melancholy so strong that clouded his beautiful eyes.

"I don't" He said stubbornly, jaw hardened and eyes fierce.

Elena gave him a sad smile "You forget that once upon a time I knew you better than anyone else"

"You still do" He stated before taking a bold move and reaching for her hands. Elena looked down and their touching skin and nearly wept without knowing why. How much she craved his touch? How much she had regretted the decision of walking away from him, and now he was here, holding her hand like he had done so many times in the past.

"Are you happy?" He asked.

Elena nodded, still unable to let go of his hand "Sometimes, not always, but then who is?"

He tried to smile "I guess you're right"

"Are you?"

He shook his head "No"

She gave him a sympathetic look before twisting her body so she could now face him completely; their hands still joined tightly "That hurts me more than you know"

Damon lowered his head but not quickly enough for her not to notice the water shinning in them "Do you ever think about him?"

"Of course, how could I not?" She told him, something seemed to have lodged on her throat and the words were hard to let out and yet she never wanted to tell them to anyone more than she did him "At first I tried not to, I pretended he never existed and that it was all part of another life…" She stopped so she could compose herself, her own eyes brimmed with tears as she though back to that hard time so long ago "But then I realized that the more away from it I was the more pain I felt and I learned to embrace it" She released one of her hands and placed her right in the center of her chest "Now, he's always here"

Damon bit his lip before kissing softly the hand he was still holding "What about you, you think about him?" Elena asked.

He gave her a warm smile, the first happy one she had gotten all day before letting go of her hands and unbuttoning the front of his shirt.

There on the left side of his chest there was a tattoo, a boy's name with swirling feathers around its letters "Always" He answered as he touched the skin lightly.

Elena couldn't control the sob that broke out of her throat "Oh Damon" Her own hand rose to meet his, his skin warm underneath her touch.

Damon dropped his head until it rested against her forehead, their breaths mingling together as their bodies remained connected only at those two spots. His forehead against hers and their hands over his chest "You know that no matter what we've been doing the last ten years or where we've been, we've always had him in common, he's always been the thing that link us together"

Elena shook her head before surprising herself and kissing the corner of his lip "Not the only thing"

Damon's heart swelled with hope, with longing and with the knowledge that perhaps it wasn't too late for them "We are a total mess aren't we?" He said and felt her laughing against him.

"Yeah we are"


	11. What might have been

**Sorry for the delay, thanks a lot for reading and thanks a lot to Amy for being an amazing beta for this.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been"

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 _John Greenleaf Whittier_

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 **December 2005**

 **PART I**

The day her entire life changed, Elena woke up feeling a bit dizzy; this fact worried her because, in her past visits to the doctor, she had been told her pressure was higher than normal which was why in the previous months she was limited to attend only a few of her classes and take everything else online because she needed to not overdo herself. Damon, of course, had gone mad over it and was extremely careful with everything regarding her health, which was why that morning the first thing Elena did was dial his phone but he did not answer.

She sighed as she stood up from the bed and changed into a comfy pair of yoga pants and a fresh t-shirt; her belly seemed about to pop and Elena was at a stage where she felt every bit of clothes she wore felt uncomfortable to her. She rubbed her belly and frowned at the lack of movement, since Danny was a very active baby; then, her phone pinged and she forgot about it as she went to retrieve it, believing Damon was the one texting her.

Sadly, it was only Rebekah.

Elena tried to make her irritation disappear as she walked towards the kitchen to prepare herself a snack; she hated to be that woman, but she resented the fact that Damon had to be away at work most of the time. In fact, she had barely seen him in the last month. It wasn't fair for him because she knew he was working in hopes of providing the best for her and the baby, but the fact was that she missed him and hated to bring the subject up because then they would end up fighting.

Elena prepared herself a piece of toast with butter and jam and paired it up with a glass of milk; she munched on it as she texted back and forth with Rebekah. Once she was done, she stood up and another bout of dizziness hit her along with a strange feeling at the bottom of her belly.

A cold shiver ran down her back and she dialed Damon's phone once again, worry clouding her senses when he didn't pick up. She grabbed her coat and her purse and headed outside to hail a cab while texting Rebekah to meet her at the hospital. Elena knew she was still a month away from giving birth, but she knew that sometimes women had early labor and wanted to make sure it wasn't what was happening to her.

When she arrived at the hospital, Rebekah was already waiting for her, worry etched on her face as she approached, "What is wrong darling?"

Elena waved her off, trying to appear nonchalant, "I've been feeling a bit strange and I thought it was better to be certain than sorry; I don't want to go into labor this soon."

Her friend nodded sympathetically and took her arm as they walked inside the building. "Did you call Damon?" her blonde friend asked.

"Tried to but he isn't answering so I texted him on the way here," Elena answered. "It's probably nothing anyway," she said as she took a deep breath and tried to calm the nerves in her body.

She really didn't want to give birth so soon; she still hadn't found the time or the way to tell her family she was having a baby, another thing that was a source of arguments between her and Damon. She was planning to tell them in two weeks when she went to Mystic Falls for Christmas, so she had to do everything in her power to keep Danny inside her for as long as possible.

The girls checked in with the receptionist and waited patiently while the doctor finished with another one of her patients. Elena kept staring at her phone the whole time.

When it was her turn, the girls went inside the office and greeted the doctor with warm smiles. They made small talk and Elena told her what she had felt that morning. The doctor told her it was probably nothing but that she needed to do an ultrasound just to be sure. Elena agreed and changed into the default robe used in every hospital.

As she lay down on the doctor's bed and felt the cold gel on her round belly, Elena remembered that sonogram where Damon had been missing and once again resented his job for getting in the way of them. She would have that talk with him again that night, she told herself, as the doctor moved the machine over her belly.

"Is everything okay?" Elena asked, when she saw the doctor frown at the screen. "Doctor?"

The woman gave her a kind smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yes, of course, just give me a minute, darling." The doctor's eyes went back to the screen and Elena knew in that moment that something wasn't right.

"Tell me," Elena said without hesitation, her dark chocolate eyes staring straight at the doctor.

Rebekah frowned as she placed a hand on Elena's shoulder not quite understanding what her friend was trying to say. "Elena…"

Elena's eyes didn't waver from the doctors, who now looked at her with sympathy and sadness. "I can see it in your eyes and you need to tell me." Her voice broke down and her hands started to shake because she knew what was going to come out of the doctor's mouth; she just knew.

The older woman took a deep breath and straightened up as she looked at her kindly. "The reason why you haven't felt Danny this morning is because there isn't any fetal movement Elena." The doctor made a pause and breathed deep again, "No heartbeat either"

"Oh, my God."

Elena heard Rebekah's soft words from where she was standing next to her but wasn't able to process anything else; her hands went to her exposed stomach and rested there, where just days before her son had been alive, safely protected in the cocoon of her warmth. "He's dead," she whispered brokenly, her stoic face devoid of any emotion. "My son is dead."

Once the words were out of her mouth, it was like a giant hole opened right in the center of her chest; it burned her and threated to consume her whole but she managed to endure it, managed to listen to everything else the doctor had to say.

She managed to remain present as everything inside her was dying away.

She was numb for the next couple of hours; the doctor explained to her that there was not a known cause for stillborn babies and that nothing she had done had been the reason for it. She had been careful her entire pregnancy but things like this happened more often than what she liked. Elena pretended to listen to her but her mind was truly worlds away, in a place where pain as great as the one she was experiencing didn't exist.

Rebekah held her hand as the doctor explained her that they would have to induce her labor in order to extract the body from inside her; her knuckles had whitened from her grip on the other girl in the same way she felt an unknown force gripping at her heart from inside her.

Her blonde friend was also there when she tried to call Damon for what it felt the millionth time that day, as she changed into another hospital gown and filled out a bunch of forms before being transported into her hospital room.

Elena's eyes were hollow and full of sorrow the entire time; her hands were cold when Rebekah left her to step outside and try Damon's phone one last time, the nurses and doctor all around her with their pitying glances and hushed words and not once did Elena allow herself to cry.

Not when she placed her hands on top of her large belly only to feel the stillness of death, not when the pain of contractions started to hit her and the nurses had to hold her hand, not when she was transported to the delivery room and had to hear the cries of children on the nursery on her way there; nor when the doctor placed herself between her legs and told her it was time to start with the procedure; not even when Rebekah emerged from outside telling her the attempts to reach Damon were futile.

"I've tried a million of times and left a voice mail telling him what happened," the blonde girl told her and her expression nearly broke Elena.

Night had started to settle outside her window and she wondered briefly how it was possible for Damon to be busy the entire day. How was it possible that she was in there suffering the loss of their child and he was out there as if nothing happened?

"We have time, Elena, we can wait for him," the doctor told her softly, but Elena knew her contractions were too close now and that she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer; moreover, she didn't want to wait any longer.

She shook her head, steely eyes pinning the doctor to her spot. "No, I don't want to… I just want it to be over."

The doctor's worried eyes moved briefly to Rebekah before returning to her. "Are you sure?"

Elena bit her lip to prevent a broken sob from leaving her throat. "Yes, please."

The doctor nodded and instructed her staff to take their places. Rebekah went to her side and took her hand in a steely grip while an elderly-looking nurse went to her other side and started caressing her hair softly.

Elena closed her eyes and tried to make everything around her disappear; she tried to transport herself to another place, to two months ago when she lay with Damon in bed while they watched _Kate & Leopold_ and her child was alive and safe.

She tried to erase that nagging voice in her head that kept telling her she never wanted that baby in the first place and that she had killed him; that her body had decided she wouldn't be a good mother and had taken it away from her.

She tried to believe it was all a nightmare and that she would wake up at any minute but the voice of the kind doctor brought her back to the harsh reality she had been forced to live. "Okay, sweetheart, I need you to start pushing whenever I tell you all right?"

She nodded, "Yes." Elena held still and breathed deep as the nurses instructed her; her lip was prisoned between her teeth as she felt a contraction hit her, her lower body feeling as if on fire.

"Now."

She pushed and felt Rebekah's hand squeezing hers tightly; her body felt as if it was being ripped in half and she couldn't help a broken sob to leave her throat; but it wasn't her body what was truly hurting, it was her heart.

She started crying freely as she tried to breathe through the pain; the tears blurred her vision as she followed the doctor's instruction and pushed whenever she was told to. "One more time, darling," the older woman said in a kind voice and Elena could do nothing but cry harder at the gentleness of it. "That's it, you're doing great."

Elena slumped back on the bed, her body and heart exhausted, tears falling freely down her cheeks. "I can't anymore… I can't," she cried and heard Rebekah sniffing next to her; the nurse on her other side whispered encouraging words on her ear but she didn't want to listen, she didn't want to do anything but lay there and feel the pain because there would be no crying baby when this was all over.

A commotion outside her door made her turn her head in time to see the door bursting open and the one man she had longed to have by her side to step inside. "Sir, you can't go in there," an old nurse said from behind him, but the doctor motioned for her to let him in.

"Elena…" He whispered brokenly as he rushed to her; his hair and clothes were disheveled and his eyes looked red-rimmed and hollow. "Elena…" Rebekah pulled away and he tried to take her hand, but she swatted it away.

"Go away," she cried. "Go away, I don't want you here."

A broken sob left his throat as he moved towards her and gathered her in his arms. "You don't mean that, darling," he whispered.

Elena clung to his arms as the pain inside her ripped her in half. "This is your fault," she said between sobs and felt his body shaking next to hers.

"You don't mean that," he cried brokenly.

Elena shook her head and stared into his blue broken eyes. "He's dead."

"I know."

"I can't do this."

He nodded as he cupped her face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. "Yes you can, darling." He kissed her lips softly, their tears mingled together in the same way their pain was. "You can do anything."

She nodded and felt the doctor touching her ankle lightly. "Let's try again, Elena"

Elena cried the entire time, Damon did as well; her chest ripping apart when she felt the doctor pulling out the small body from inside her and heard no cries. She leaned into Damon who held her and rocked her body softly as they cried together.

Rebekah had left the room and now it was only them and the medical staff in that cold and sterile room. "Do you want to hold him?" the doctor asked as she approached them with a small bundle in a blue blanket.

Elena's whole body quivered as she extended her arms. "Oh my God, Damon." The doctor placed her son in her open arms and she wanted to die right there. "He's so small," she whispered in a quivering voice as she peered down at the unusually small child in her arms. "I wonder if he has your eyes"

A sob tore out from Damon's mouth before he placed his lips to her forehead and raised his trembling hand to caress his son's fragile forehead. "I'm so sorry; I'm so sorry, my love."

Elena cried as she took the child in her arms and placed him on top of her chest. "Our son is dead Damon, Danny is dead."

"I'm sorry…" he kept repeating as they rocked the small body in their arms; the body of the child they should have watched grow up, that should have been able to laugh and dance, the child that would have filled their days with happiness and joy. The small dark-haired boy Damon imagined running around Central Park was now nothing but a dream wrapped in a blue blanket.

In that cold hospital room, something broke so deeply in both of them that not even ten years and a lot of healing had been able to fix.

* * *

 **So, what do you think?**


	12. The Storm

_Another chapter yay! I'm seriously sorry about the late updates but life just keeps getting in the way. I'm really loving your response to this story and I want to thank you all for every review._

 _I decided to change Damon's mom name in this one (If I ever mentioned before just forget about it) because I feel like Damon and Stefan's mom was always such a big part of who they were and I hated how Lily turned out so I decided to exclude her and create a new character so I hope you don't mind._

 _As always I want to thank Amy for being the beta for this story, I really hope you like this chapter, we finally caught up to the present so please enjoy._

 _ **Love,**_

 _ **Sam**_

* * *

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in."

 **-** _ **Haruki**_ **Murakami-**

 **.**

 **.**

 **December 2005**

 **Part II**

A gentle hand brushed her damp hair back; her brown warm eyes were trained on the window overlooking a cold New York City and the sound of the fire crackling in the hearth filled her ears; she was wearing her comfy pair of flannel pajamas and was sitting cross-legged on the bed while her boyfriend's mother brushed her hair.

"Are you hungry?" Eleanor asked, and Elena shook her head in denial. "You must eat, Elena." The young girl listened to the other woman's words, but wasn't able to muster the strength to care. She did not wish to eat; she did not wish to do anything but curl around herself and weep for the rest of the night.

Christmas was a couple of days away and they had cremated her son today; they had spread his ashes into the cold New York wind so he could have freedom, a freedom she wasn't sure she would ever find again. Elena was numb and cold inside, she felt like the mere air she breathed to keep herself alive was the same one that was choking her.

"Do you think it was my fault?" Elena asked after a while, the hand brushing her hair stopped and Eleanor gripped her shoulders softly.

"Of course not, dear," Eleanor said softly, the gentleness in her voice a warm balm to Elena's soul.

The young girl's shoulders sagged and a sob was torn out from her throat. "I didn't want this; I didn't want to be my mom." Eleanor applied pressure on Elena's shoulders and forced her to turn around and face her.

"Elena…" The older woman took her hand to Elena's hand and wiped her tear stained cheeks before bringing her to her chest and holding her tightly.

"She wanted to be a lawyer, just like Damon, but she got pregnant with me and wasn't able to fulfill her dream," Elena said between sobs. "I've always believed she resented me for it, so I didn't want to do that to my own son… and now he's gone." She gripped the other woman's blouse at the sides as she allowed the tears to fall freely. "I didn't want him and now they took him away from me."

"It doesn't work like that, Elena"

"How do you know?" she said, as she hiccupped. "How does anyone know?"

Eleanor stroked her hair as she rocked her into her arms. "These things just happen, Elena. You heard the doctor; this wasn't your fault."

Elena remained in silence for a few minutes, her sobs subsiding with each passing moment. The coldness inside her seemed endless and she wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and disappear.

"Damon believes it was," she whispered into the darkened night after a few minutes, voicing what had been eating away at her for the last couples of days, feeling the weight of her worlds settling down in her chest.

"Of course not!" Eleanor's response was immediate and full of certainty.

"I see it in the way he looks at me; he doesn't even want to be near me." Elena said. Since the morning after they had spread the ashes of their son, Damon had disappeared and the loss of him had carved a hole inside Elena's chest, his absence tearing apart the small shreds of composure she had. "He blames me."

Eleanor sighed and cupped the girl's face in her hands "Elena, Damon is hurting just like you and perhaps he doesn't know how to handle his pain, but trust me, he does not blame you for anything."

Elena nodded silently, wishing she could believe the words the other woman was saying, wishing she could stop the insidious part of her brain that kept telling her Damon hated her for not taking care of their son, for being such a disappointment. "I want him to hold me…" she whispered in a trembling voice as she looked down. "I don't want to feel this way anymore."

Eleanor looked at her with sympathy and brought her into her arms once again. "I'm so sorry, my dear." Elena didn't cry anymore, she just let herself be comforted by a woman who wasn't her mother, but whom she wished could be.

When the tiredness of the day was too much to bear, she succumbed into the land of dreams and woke up only when she felt a warm body curling itself around her frame, gentle hands resting on top of her belly and placing a gentle kiss below her ear.

The smell of mint, musk, and a hint of alcohol filled her nose and Elena knew without a doubt who the person behind her was. "Damon…?"

"Shhh…" he whispered as he buried his face into her neck, the wetness of his tears dampening her soft skin. "It's all going to be okay, my darling, it will all be okay."

He kept repeating the words into the dark night, for himself or for her she wasn't sure, but she allowed herself to feel protected and safe in the warmness of his embrace. She pretended everything he was saying was true and that somehow they were going to find a way to make it all work.

She didn't know how wrong she was.

* * *

The next days blurred together for Elena; she and Damon went back to their apartment after staying with his family for a couple of days. She had made up a silly excuse for not going home for Christmas, and had barely spoken to Bonnie or Jeremy.

Little by little, life seemed to be going around again; Damon had gone back to work though for not as many hours as before, and classes were going to start soon. Everything was turning back to how it was before tragedy struck their lives and yet she felt like she was the only thing that wasn't moving forward.

She was stuck, crippled, and empty inside.

Those were her thoughts as she scanned the scattered papers and vouchers on the bed; she was sitting cross-legged on the tiny mattress while the air crept in through the window and was so absorbed in the task at hand that she didn't hear Damon coming home from work until he opened the door to their bedroom and walked inside.

He was wearing a dark navy shirt and his hair looked rumpled from the wind. He was dashing, but the smile he gave her didn't quite reach his eyes and Elena felt the coldness inside her spreading. "Hey there," he said softly, as he busied himself with removing his shoes and socks. "I was thinking we could go and stay with mom for New Year's eve, watch movies and drink hot chocolate. What do you think?"

"This came today," Elena whispered, not truly paying attention to everything he had been saying.

He frowned and walked towards the bed while he started unbuttoning his shirt. "What is it?"

Elena remained silent for a couple of seconds before taking a deep breath and locking her eyes with his. "A scholarship… for that school in Paris I mentioned."

Time seemed to stand still, Damon's face blanched and he took a seat at the edge of the bed. "All right…"

Elena looked down to the various documents on the bed and took one to hand it to him. "They're giving me an opportunity and the chance at an internship in one of the most prestigious magazines in the world."

"Wow, that's amazing…" Damon said absently as he read the document in his hand. "When does it start?"

"Two weeks."

His eyes snapped back to hers. "And are you seriously considering it?"

Elena felt her eyes filling with tears. "It's my dream, Damon."

He stood up abruptly, several papers flying away from the bed. "Are you just going to go after everything that happened?" His voice quivered at the end of the sentence and his hands started to shake.

Elena felt a churning in her stomach, her mind taking her back to that awful moment in the hospital room. "Don't be like this, Damon," she sighed. "I've stood by you through everything… I've been with you as you slave yourself in that firm… even when…"

"Even when what?"

Their gazes remained locked together for a couple of seconds; millions of things, of pain and regret, being said without actually uttering a word. "I need to do this," Elena whispered.

"Okay…"

She looked down. "And I need to do It alone."

"Just like that?" He spat, anger brimming into his eyes. "After everything?"

A sob broke down from Elena's throat. "I can't be here anymore Damon… I can't look at you every day and know - I just can't do this"

"And cutting me off like our entire relationship was nothing is the answer? What the hell, Elena?" Damon threw his hands up in exasperation before he started pacing around the room frantically.

"I need to follow my dream, Damon, I never wanted this in the first place." She regretted the words the minute they left her mouth, his eyes snapped to hers and she hated herself for the pain she saw in them. "I didn't mean it like that – I…" She closed her eyes dejectedly. "I need you to let me go, Damon."

His own eyes brimmed with tears as he moved back towards the bed. "I can't…"

"You must."

He sat down in front of her and cupped her face between his hands. "I love you, Elena." Damon dropped his forehead onto hers and she gripped his shirt at its sides, wanting to push him away and bring him closer at the same time.

"I love you too, Damon," she whispered next to his mouth. "I'm so sorry, I just want to stop feeling this way."

"Please don't go," he cried against her mouth before they molded themselves into a tight embrace, their tears mingling with each other as they mourned the loss of the dreams and hopes they had created for each other in the last couple of months.

They slept curled around each other that night and it was the last one they spent together in that small greasy-smelling apartment at the edge of Manhattan; the one that had an entire room decorated as a nursery and the one where they had spent so many nights together.

Despite his attempts to try and make her stay, Elena didn't relent; she had made up her mind and in two weeks' time she was on a plane flying straight to Paris. Damon remained at the gates of the airport, the imprint of her lips on his still fresh on his.

He went back home alone to tear apart everything they had created together for the child that never came to be. He broke down in tears in the middle of it all and would have suffered from a alcohol poisoning if his best friend, Enzo, hadn't decided to pay him a visit.

During all of this, Elena was on a plane, telling herself that with each mile she put between her and New York City, her soul was closer to healing. With that thought in mind, she never came back to the dreamland city for eight years and didn't cross a path with Damon Salvatore for over ten years.


	13. The past is already written

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this, it means the world to be to know you're enjoy it and also thanks a lot to Amy for being the beta for this, I also want to apologize for the chapters coming so slow but it's really hard to find time for writing these days.

Love,

Sam

* * *

"Don't waste your time looking back; you're not going that way"

 **-Ragnar Lothbrok-**

 **.**

 **.**

The three girls sat with their toes dipped into the cold water of the pool; the sun was still starting to rise in the sky and the smell of freshness and salt permeated the air around them. Elena's head hung low, her eyes trained on her bright pink nail polish while Caroline and Bonnie stared at her with their mouths agape and frowns on their foreheads.

"How come I never knew this?" Bonnie asked after a few seconds. "How was it possible to hide something so monumental?"

Elena shrugged and tried to contain the tears that were forming in her eyes. "You were in Peru at that time, in that project where you built houses for people. We were always playing phone tag and I guess… it was just easier to pretend it wasn't happening."

Caroline sighed loudly. "But, it did happen!" Elena nodded in response but didn't move her eyes away from her feet dipped into the clear water. "And none of your friends and family knew… gosh Elena, I can't imagine how lonely that must have been."

Elena exhaled loudly as she bit her lip, her hands twisting on her lap in a nervous gesture. "Firs,t I was afraid of what everyone was going to think… and after Danny died, I guess I just thought it would be easier to forget about it." Her hands moved to rest on her stomach as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "But, It wasn't."

"Oh, sweetheart…" Bonnie circled her back with one arm and pulled her towards her body, her head resting over her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, for being away. for not paying more attention and realizing something was wrong."

Elena shook her head. "It was my choice, Bon, you don't have to be sorry for it." She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and pulled away slightly from her friends so she could stare at both of them. "Rebekah knew, she was with me through the entire thing."

"Rebekah Mikaelson?" Bonnie asked with a frown and an edge of surprise in her voice which made a queasy feeling start growing in Elena's stomach.

How long had it been since she last spoke with Rebekah? How long since she last mentioned her name or even thought about her? After she went to Paris, she continued talking with her on the phone and through emails, but sometime after that, when she moved to Spain, they seemed to lose touch and only spoke to each other a couple of times a year. She knew she now lived in Sydney with her husband, but there was nothing else she knew about her. An ache in her chest kept growing as she kept thinking about how easily she drifted away from a person who was so important in her life, who supported her through the worst days of her life and who always had a leaning shoulder to offer.

Elena looked around at her friends and, without a single word, reached for them both so the three could hug each other: a mess of sobs, twisted limbs and a lot of heart.

Elena couldn't stop thinking about how easily is to let people slip away from you; how someone who could be that important at some point in your life becomes nothing but a mere stranger… Just like it had happened with Damon. She realized now that, in her grief, she had pushed away everything that could tie her to the darkest moments in her life and by doing it, she had lost so much. At the time, it had seemed like the right choice; build a new life and be happy had seemed so easy under the hot Parisian sun. But now, she realized she had been running the entire time; she had been so selfish and had thought only of her own pain. It could have been too late, but life was giving her a second chance.

And she wanted to take it; she wanted to let go of the past and embrace this new sunrise that life was giving her. She didn't want to be stuck in the pain that embargoed her so long ago. She wanted to truly live again, to be that careless girl that ran around the Brooklyn Bridge with the cute guy she had met the night before and who truly enjoyed life. She wanted to be the mother Danny would have deserved; she wanted to be happy for him and for the life that never came to be.

With him on her mind and her best friends by her side, Elena promised to embrace life once again, to call Rebekah and to never again let anyone that important to her to slip from her fingers and to give love a second chance, the chance she denied so long ago when she boarded that plane to the city of love.

"Did you regret it?" Caroline asked once they pulled away and stared at each other with teary eyes. "I mean God, this changes everything. You've always told me about how important Damon was in your life, but this… this is huge, Elena."

Elena nodded. "At the time, I felt it was the right choice. I didn't want to be Lauren Conrad and become the girl that didn't go to Paris," she joked as she thought back to the past. "A part of me thought I could go there and heal and that when it was all over, Damon would be waiting for me and we could live happily ever after." She shook her head. "God, I was such a bitch."

"You were confused." Caroline squeezed her knee softly in a comforting gesture. "I once heard that if you want to make God laugh, you should tell him your plans."

Elena choked on a laugh. "Absolutely! I had it all mapped out, you know, but once I boarded that plane… everything just drifted away and things changed and my priorities just got messed up and now…" She shrugged as she looked down, eyes brimming with tears once again.

"You love him," Bonnie stated the obvious

"Of course, I do," Elena sighed. "Damon has always been the love of my life and no amount of time or distance between us changed that. I don't know if I can explain it."

Caroline gave her a sad smile. "As someone who's never been in love, I don't think I could understand, but hearing you talk about everything and seeing the way you two look at each other, you make me wish for something like that."

Elena smiled back at her friend and gripped her hand tightly. "A part of me wants to run away and hide so that nothing can hurt me again, but I can't let this opportunity slip away again. I want to try even if it ends up messing everything up again in the end."

Bonnie smiled widely, eyes twinkling as she stared at her friend. "You know it's been ages since I've seen such a vivacious look in your eyes, Elena," she said softly before standing up and drying her feet on the cold concrete. "So, let's go and get some sleep before everyone else wakes up."

Caroline chuckled, "I thought we were having a moment."

"We were, but now it's time for Elena to get back all that lost time."

Elena quirked her eye brown quizzically. "Meaning?"

"You need all your energies for the beach party tonight!" Bonnie proclaimed while Caroline clapped excitedly and hurried up.

"This is just like a movie!" she exclaimed as she offered her hand to Elena so she could stand up. "Maybe you can send your story to Netflix and they would…" Elena interrupted her by throwing her arms around her.

"That's enough, Blondie," she said with a smile. "Let's get our beauty sleep."

The three of them linked their arms together and walked back to the house as the sun rose fully on the sky.

* * *

Later that same day, the three girls sat with Damon's friends around a bonfire they had created on the beach. Lots of people she didn't know mingled with each other as they danced to carefree tunes and drank too much beer and wine - several houses on the shore of the beach had joined the celebration of Labor Day and had created a huge party.

Damon was nowhere to be found; according to Stefan, something work-related had kept him in the house, but he had promised catch up with them later on. Elena hoped so because there were so many things she wanted to say to him and she had the feeling that if she didn't speak them soon, she wouldn't be saying them ever. The next day, they were supposed to go back to the city and truthfully, she didn't want to go back without putting in perspective everything that finding Damon again meant.

She was currently on her fourth glass of sangria and could feel the blood in her veins getting hotter. She was laughing way too much at Stefan's silly jokes and her words slurred slightly. Elena knew she was a bit drunk and marveled at the fact because she was sure the last time she got even a bit tipsy, Hilary Duff was still No.1 on the charts. She felt happy and free; she was having such a good time sharing stories with the people around her, watching how Caroline's blue eyes lit up with joy whenever Stefan talked to her and how Enzo's hand seemed to go beneath Bonnie's dress every once in a while when they believed no one was looking. She loved the smell of salt, the freshness of the air and the fact that Michelle Branch's voice sounded loudly on the speakers as she sang something about love being a game.

She felt young and unburdened and she wanted to hold onto that feeling for the rest of her life.

"Oh my God, Elena, come on!" Caroline's shriek made her attention snap towards her blonde friend who had vacated her spot next to Stefan and was almost in front of her. "I love this song!" the blond beamed as the chorus for the Gipsy King's 'Volare' blasted from the speakers.

Elena threw her head back and allowed her to pull her up and into a part of the beach where lots of young people danced freely and with smiles on their faces.

"I feel so happy!" she shouted into the night air and heard Caroline giggling behind her as they swayed to the sound of the music.

Elena was wearing a flower-printed, sleeveless white dress made of a chiffon so soft it sashayed as she danced. Her hair was unbound, and it flew in every direction as she followed the rhythm of the song. The energy cursed through her veins as the stars shone up in the sky just for her.

"You are not of this world." The soft words were whispered in her ear as a pair of hands grabbed her from behind, the smell of his musky cologne filled her nose and she threw her head back onto his shoulders as his hands moved towards her front and rested just below her breasts. "I've never seen anything more beautiful."

Their bodies swayed at the sound of the music; the dampness of the salty air made their skin stick together as they pressed their bodies as close as they could while trying to remain in the rhythm of the song

"I was waiting for you," she whispered and felt him smirking into her neck.

"Sorry I kept you waiting." He kissed her shoulder gently, turning her around so she could face him. His blue eyes shone as bright as the sea behind them and she swore it was possible to be lost in them. "I'm here now," he said as his hands circled her waist and went to rest above her rear.

"You are." Elena's hands went to his neck and rested on his nape as she pulled his face towards her, their lips inches apart from each other. "Let's go somewhere else," she whispered and was surprised at her bold move and how much her perspective had changed from early morning. She no longer wanted to have a long and exhausting conversation with him; she wanted to tell him with her body everything she hadn't been able to express with her words.

Damon chuckled and cast a quick glance towards where their friends were now dancing, completely oblivious to what was happening between them. He knew they could head back towards the house in that moment and there would be no one there, but then he also knew her breath smelled of wine and that she probably wasn't aware of what she was suggesting.

"We have all the time in the world," he whispered next to her mouth but instead of agreeing she shook her head and moved her hands so they roamed his chest. Damon hissed at the feel and felt himself growing hard in his pants.

"We don't know that," she whispered before rising on her toes and kissing his lips softly. She pulled away and stared at him as his eyes bore down on hers, seconds passed in complete silence before they went at each other with a hunger so strong it left them tingling to the tips of their toes. Damon's eyes closed immediately and he pulled her closer into his body, their forms molding against each other as the sound of the music and the crashing waves filled their ears. Their tongues danced with each other in a way so magical they hadn't been able to recreate with anyone else.

They pulled away slightly, their breaths mingling with each other as they inhaled deeply. Elena's hands played with the exposed skin at the front of his shirt. "Let's go now," she whispered and looked up at him from underneath her lashes.

Damon groaned and rested his forehead against hers. "I don't want you to regret anything in the morning."

Elena's hand went to his cheeks, cradling his face softly. "It's impossible for me to have any more regrets, Damon." The sadness and pain in her voice was enough to break him; with a deep inhale, he pulled her into his body once again, his hands resting on her back as he crushed her into his chest.

"If I have you, it won't be for just one night, Elena." His eyes as blue as the ocean shone with a fierceness she hadn't been able to find in anyone else and in that moment she knew she didn't want to spend another minute of her life without him.

"I'm not asking you that, Damon."

The corners of her lips tipped up in a shy smile and he felt his heart growing three sizes larger in his chest. He kissed her forehead reverently before taking her hand and leading her away from the partygoers, not caring who could see them disappear into the night.

They crashed into his bedroom with a passion so brutal it left their veins burning; they devoured each other's mouths with abandon as they shredded their clothes with every step they took. Damon needed to feel her naked in his arms, needed to confirm this wasn't a dream and he had her in front of him after so long.

Elena's body tingled with excitement and yearning, how many nights she spent dreaming about a second chance? Dreaming about the touch of his hand on her body? And now that she was in front of him once again she surrendered into his touch without a second thought, letting him get his fill with everything he wanted. His mouth devoured her breasts with a hunger she hadn't experienced in over ten years; her hands lost in the softness of his hair as she cradled him against his chest; the space between her legs damp with need.

"God, it's been so long," he half whispered as he lowered them onto the bed, his hands full with her breasts as he didn't wish to stop touching her for even a second.

Elena purred as the softness of the bed touched her back and one of his hands disappeared in the valley between her legs. Her hands ripped open a condom she had produced out of what like seemed thin air and started rolling it up his aching manhood. "I need you in me, Damon," she told him urgently and guided him to where she wanted him the most.

He braced above her, his forearms resting on each side of her head as he stared down at her and inched slowly into her waiting heat. She hissed at the feel of him and felt the sudden urge to weep when she saw the emotion in his eyes, the one words couldn't express.

His forehead dropped into hers as he went all the way in. "I- God, I need you Elena." His face burrowed into her neck and her hands went to his head, her fingers going through his soft locks as he moved inside her.

Their bodies danced together as they allowed every single emotion they had repressed though the years to finally break free; they touched and caressed, bit and kissed every part of each other they could. They committed to memory each change and each new sound, promising to never again allow themselves to forget what it meant to be in each other's arms, to be one with someone.

His thrusts sped up and his fingers dug into the skin of her hips, her eyes pinched shut as she chased the pleasure that was waiting for her. Her eyes filled with tears when the emotion inside her chest became too much to bear. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything!" she cried as she held onto his back for dear life.

Damon's nose nuzzled hers, "Shh, don't… just let me love you." His lips found hers again, swollen and soft, eager to please him and give him everything he asked of them.

"Oh Damon… don't ever stop," she whispered and felt him tensing inside her, her back arched as her mouth opened in a silent scream when she felt him releasing inside her, the pleasure overtaking her and throwing her into the void next to him; her toes curled as she pressed into his body while they aftershocks of their orgasm subsided.

She loved the feel of him, soft and hard at the same time; loved the smell of his skin and the sound of his hoarse voice whispering into the night. "My sweet Elena," he chanted over and over again.

The party was in full swing outside the walls of the house, the moon and stars shone bright in the sky, the salty air permeated the air and the low hum of the music reached their ears, but they didn't notice, because nothing else existed but them and the embers that were now burning brightly between them.

* * *

 **So?**


	14. Two kids chasing sunsets

" _You wore a smile and a scar_

 _In the front seat_

 _of an old Cadilac_

 _we were two kids chasing sunsets_

 _holding on to memories in moments_

 _all the ways you were_

 _I wish I could've bottled it up_

 _That feeling_

 _Drinking it now that_

 _You are gone"_

 **-Atticus-**

* * *

Elena sat in Damon's clear blue Camaro feeling like a completely different person than the one who arrived to the Hamptons three days ago; their friends had decided it was the best idea to drive together in Stefan's van while she and Damon took his car back to the city, neither of them could find a good reason to refute them so here they were now, barely being able to keep their gazes away from each other.

"You want to try another game?" He asked, his lips curving into a playful smirk

"What about I Spy?"

"Boring"

"We could try to guess the songs on the radio," she offered and earned herself a chuckle from him. "Don't mock me."

He shook his head in amusement. "You suck at road trip games."

Elena rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest pretending to be offended, knowing Damon would spot her act immediately. It was funny, how until a couple of days ago, he was a virtual stranger to her and now she felt as if she had known him her entire life. In a way, she guessed she did; though she was still trying to figure out if this new person he was resembled the old boy she used to know.

They hadn't truly spoken about what had happened the night before. Somehow, words didn't seem to be enough to express everything that had been encompassed in that simple yet complicated act. For her, it had been like coming home again; it was strange how could she remember exactly what it felt to be touched by him and yet still feel as if it was the first time he was doing it. It had been so comforting, to wake up tangled in his arms, his smell surrounding her and the steady rise and fall of his chest below her ear.

"I wasn't being serious…" His words brought her back from her thoughts. She angled her head in his direction and gave him a confused look. "…about you sucking a road trip games"

Elena laughed slightly. "It's okay, I know I do."

He smiled warmly in her direction and stretched his head to turn on the radio. A couple of commercials about farms and electronics were heard before the a cappella chorus of Carry On My Wayward Son started playing.

"Now that's a road trip song," Damon said as he started banging his hands on the wheel at the rhythm of the song, Elena's eyes filled with memories and she stared at his profile intently.

"We watched the premier of Supernatural together," she whispered and saw his smile faltering slightly.

They had been young at that time and a couple of months away from the tragedy, Danny had been quite restless in her stomach that night and they had cuddled up on the worn-out couch with a bowl of popcorn between them as they watched Sam and Dean make their first appearance.

Damon nodded, and once again curved his lips in a smile. "Hard to believe the Winchester brothers are still hunting ghosts after all this time." He glanced at her and she saw no bitterness in his stare, only acceptance, and somehow that made her chest feel a hundred times lighter.

She threw her head back and laughed, relishing on the feel of being completely unburdened. "I'm a couple of seasons behind, but I'm sure they're still doing great!"

"Trust me, they are," he answered as he continued drumming his fingers to the beat of the song. "Maybe we should do a marathon," he offered and she bit her lip in excitement.

She felt giddy inside, like a teenage girl who had been asked out by her long time crush. Elena had forgotten how good it felt to be so lighthearted, to have nothing troubling her and to be able to get as excited as a little girl.

A couple more old rock songs followed and Elena found herself singing next to Damon once again, like they had done so many years ago, wishing the distances would grow larger and they never set foot in the city again, wishing to remain locked away in that car with him forever.

Sadly, the reality came crashing down all too soon as they entered the hectic chaos of Manhattan. "I guess all fun must come to an end," Elena sighed and rested her head against the windowpane as they stopped at a red light. "Now we're back to nine to five and having to part from our beds way to early."

Damon chuckled. "Wow, you do seem really excited to be back at work."

Elena shrugged, already thinking about all the to do's of tomorrow and how tired she was going to be once the day was over. "Heh."

He bit his lip and tried hard not to laugh as he maneuvered his car through the traffic. "I thought you loved it," he said. "It's your dream."

Elena tried to pretend the slight resentment in his voice was her imagination while she stared at the big buildings and twinkling lights. "It was and in all honesty, it's great. I know many people would kill to do what I do."

"But…"

She shrugged "I don't know I guess I feel stuck there; like I've lost the excitement," she confessed, feeling ungrateful to be voicing her thoughts out loud. "Like I could be doing something else."

They stopped at another red light and he took the time to gaze in her direction. "Like working on the manuscripts I know you have locked away somewhere?" There was twinkling amusement in his eyes and Elena felt warmness spreading into her lower stomach at the sight.

The corner of her right lip tipped up in a sly smile. "You don't know everything about me, Damon Salvatore." Her tone was teasing and made a smile show up on his face in response.

Damon leaned towards her and whispered in a husky voice. "Oh but I do, tell me I'm lying." She swallowed deeply, remembering how those deep blue eyes had looked at her the night before as he moved inside her; she could almost feel the weight of his body on top of her right now. "Am I?" he asked again. She wanted to refute him but she couldn't because she did indeed have a bunch of unfinished manuscripts hidden in her closet.

The change of red to green saved her from answering and from his proximity; he straightened himself up and trained his eyes on the road once again while she took her time analyzing his profile. "What about you? Excited to get back work?" she asked.

"Of course."

The tone of his voice was clipped and Elena frowned at it. If memory served her wel,l there was one thing Damon loved more than anything and that was his job. She could still remember the way his cheeks would heat up and his eyes would shine when discussing a case, yet she saw none of it now, only weariness. "You're working for Parker, right?" she asked, knowing the name of the firm but not much of anything about it.

"Uh-huh."

She got no more response from him; instead, she saw his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel and the line of his jaw tensing and hated the fact that the easy-going atmosphere of the car had been broken. She wondered what could be wrong to make Damon react so strongly to a simple question.

They remained in silence the rest of the way; luckily it wasn't long before he was pulling in front of her building. "Home sweet home," he said before leaving the car and unloading her suitcase from the trunk.

He carried it all the way to the sliding door of her building where she told him it would be all right to part ways, not that he was expecting to be invited in. "Thank you, for everything, Damon," she said once he was in front of her; the tall New York buildings rose imposing behind them, a perfect match for his twinkling blue eyes.

Damon's hand went to her hair as he placed a strand behind her ear, his finger grazing slightly the skin of her cheek. "Don't thank me; don't think for a second that you're getting rid of me so easily." Elena held her breath as he leaned down and ghosted his lips over hers. "I'll pick you up tomorrow after work," he whispered. "Can't wait."

He straightened up and gave her a dazzling smile before turning around and heading back towards his car. Elena took a deep breath and walked through the swinging glass doors of the building before shrieking like a little girl and dropping herself against the wall. "Be still my heart," she said as she pressed a hand to her chest, unware of the amusing stares of the elderly doorman and her thirteen-year-old neighbor.

* * *

After picking up Max from the kind lady who had agreed to care for him on the second floor, Elena spent a good thirty minutes stroking his belly and allowing him to lick her face. Once the initial excitement of her return was over, the dog went to rest underneath the coffee table and Elena went to the bathroom to prepare herself a bath.

She sprinkled some salts and dropped a lavender bath bomb in the tub before heading to the kitchen and opening a bottle of rose. She poured a generous amount in a glass and shredded her clothes as she went, eager to soak her body in the warm water.

It was still unbelievable to her that life had changed so much in a matter of days; a couple of weeks ago, the notion of seeing Damon would still make her palms start sweating and her heart race uncontrollably with fear. The memory of him would bring pain and regret and she would find herself downing the entire bottle of rose before crying hysterically while Max spun around her trying to figure out what was happening.

But now, thinking about Damon only brought giddiness into her body; it made her blood boil with thoughts of his expert hands and that wicked tongue of his and though thinking about what might have been was always going to be painful she now felt somehow relieved, way more at peace than before meeting him again.

Elena sipped from her glass and closed her eyes, letting her body fall back against the edge of the tub. She dozed off for a couple of seconds, her eyes snapping open when she heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway.

A gleeful smile appeared on her face as she heard the hushed voices before the door opened and revealed her two best friends. "You have to tell us everything!" Caroline demanded as she entered into the bathroom carrying Max in her arms.

Elena stared as they sat down on the floor in front of the tub. "You know this is how the last episode I watched on Discovery Investigation started," she joked. "The keys I gave you were only for emergency you know"

"This is an emergency!" Caroline said urgently, buzzing with excitement for the gossip she was sure was waiting for her. "Now spill the beans!"

Elena smiled and sipped her wine. "What there is to tell?"

Caroline snorted before moving her attention to the dog on her lap. "Oh please! Max, are you hearing this woman?"

Bonnie chuckled and gave Elena a knowing look. "We saw you going with him last night and today you couldn't stop eye-fucking each other."

Elena gave Bonnie a coy look from underneath her lashes. "Oh yeah? Well, I saw the hand of a certain English man going below your dress way too much."

Caroline gasped, startling Max. "Oh my God, Bonnie Bennett, you slut"

Bonnie faltered for a second before reaching towards her friend and stealing her glass of rose. "We are talking about Elena," she deflected before gulping.

"Don't you think we'll forget about it!" Caroline said while raising her eye brows suggestively. "Dear lord, a weekend full of scandalous sex, this is what I live for!" The excitement from the blonde was so contagious, Elena could feel the entire room buzzing with exhilaration.

"So?"

Elena sighed dreamily as she leaned back on the tub. "So… it was epic!" Just thinking back on her night with Damon made goosebumps appear on her skin. It wasn't like she had remained untouched since they broke up ten years ago, but with no one else had she managed to experience the level of intimacy she did with him; no one but him could make her feel like he could see into her soul.

Caroline squeezed and gripped Bonnie's arm in excitement. "Ugh, I knew it would be!"

Elena smiled at her friends and moved her hands in soft circles around the lavender smelling water. "I don't know what you want me to say; I won't be graphic about it, but I'm…" She bit her lip "… I'm just so happy"

Caroline shrieked again before attacking the dog on her lap with kisses. "Oh Max! Do you hear that? Do you? That's the voice of a woman who's been truly satisfied!"

Elena laughed and splashed water at her blonde friend. "Eww! Caroline don't talk about that to my dog!"

The three girls laughed as the dog jumped out of Caroline's lap, distressed at being wet and started circling around her. Bonnie handed the glass over to Elena who dawned the remains in a swift swig.

"And are you two together again?" Bonnie asked.

Elena nodded solemnly "We agreed to see where this is heading and we'll continue seeing each other."

"Huh…"

"What?" Caroline's eyes narrowed as she stared at the girl next to her. "Bonnie Bennett, this is the new millennium you can't judge people for sleeping together without being labeled beforehand. Hello, pot!"

"I wasn't judging anyone." The brunette raised her hands in the air in a surrender gesture. "I just don't want you getting hurt."

"I won't," Elena smiled at her friend kindly. "I know this might seem like a 360° change from how I used to think, but I'm certain that this time is right; that Damon won't fail me and I won't fail him."

She couldn't explain it, but in the morning when she woke up in his arms and was able to stare at his profile as the light filtered through the window, something told her in her heart that this was the place she was meant to be forever. She had been naïve before, but now she knew what it felt like to lose him and she was sure she wouldn't be making the same mistake twice.

"You'll make it work this time."

"I will. I'm not a scared nineteen-year-old girl anymore. I've grown up and I know now this is what I want."

Caroline laughed in delight as she reached for the Cocker Spaniel once again and smacked her lips against his soft head. "It seems you're getting a daddy, Max!" The dog barked excitedly as if he somehow had understood the words of the blonde.

"Let's hope he likes dogs," Bonnie said and all three girls burst out laughing. For the first time in a long while, Elena Gilbert felt completely at ease.

* * *

 _ **I really hope you're enjoying the story guys, please let me know what you think of the new chapter and send some love to me and Amy for being the most amazing beta.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_


	15. You're still the one

I am so sorry for the long wait, but I truly hope the chapter was worth it. Thank you so much to all of you who has been following me in this long journey, it's been quite a hectic year for me so I'm really grateful for you sticking to this story through all of this time, we are nearing the end and I want you to know it's been an absolute pleasure sharing this with you.

As always I wanna thank Amy for being a great beta for this story and also to Carol for setting us up.

I also would like to ask something of you, I am writing a little one shot for Christmas this year and as you well know English is not my mother tongue so if anyone is interesting in being a beta for my Christmas, please send me a message.

Now, please enjoy.

* * *

"You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to.  
You're still the one I want for life.  
You're still the one that I love, the only one I dream of.  
You're still the one I kiss good night.

I'm so glad we made it, look how far we've come, my baby"

 **-Shania Twain-**

 **.**

 **.**

Elena sipped from her gold rose coffee thermos as she arranged the different garments lying on the floor in the way she wanted to snap a picture; she was sitting down on the glossy ivory floor of her office while she arranged her favorite pieces from a line of a new designer she wanted to promote in her next article.

Her hands touched the blue silk scarf that had been her very favorite and felt a smile appearing on her face; it always seemed amazing to her how the hands of a single woman were able to create something so beautiful. How could someone create a single piece that would linger in peoples' memories forever? Right now, looking at the lone scarf, she could picture the exact dress she could pair it with and could see herself leaning against the railings of Brooklyn bridge with the wind blowing her hair and the edge of the scarf. That single thought filled her with giddiness and that had always been the magic of clothing for her; a magic she had hoped to replicate in her writing, but that she seemed unable to achieve.

With a sigh, she arranged the garments again so the scarf was the center piece and snapped a couple of pictures to upload to her Instagram stories before putting the others away for her article next week. The white analog clock Bonnie gave her last Christmas beeped from her desk signaling it was already 5:30 so Elena knew it was time to go. She would have chosen to stay and rummage through the rest of the pieces that had arrived for her and to brainstorm for another article, but tonight Damon was waiting for her and she did not wish to miss a single moment.

Elena retrieved her make up bag from one of her desk drawers and proceeded to freshen up as she eagerly tapped her boot-clad foot against the marble floor. The excitement boiling in her lower tummy made her feel like a high schooler again and she briefly wondered why young girls wished to be grownups all the time when being young and innocent was the best part of life. Sometimes she wished she could go back to being that cheerful girl Damon met at the pub so many years ago.

Dabbing on a bit of perfume and staring at her reflection in one of her windows, Elena grabbed her coat and headed out of the building, not wanting to miss more time than what she already had. The minute she stepped outside and felt the crisp afternoon air hitting her on the face, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, quickly saying a prayer and thanking whoever was out there for allowing her to live in such a magical place.

"If I knew a single thing about painting, I would be doing your portrait right now."

Elena's eyes snapped open and she found Damon leaning against the wall of her building; dark jeans hung low on his hips and a leather jacket graced his upper body. Elena licked her lips instinctively at how sexy the image he projected was. She had expected him to show up in his crisp suit and fancy town car straight out of her _Sex and the City_ fantasies but instead of looking sharp and polished, he was rugged and sensual and she felt tingles rising from the tip of her toes at the sight.

She crossed her arms over her chest and walked towards him, a smile on her lips and the sound of her heels clicking on the concrete floor. "Not being flashy today, huh?"

He shrugged nonchalantly and reached a hand to loop in the waistband of her skin tight jeans. "No need to, I already have you eating out of my palm, Gilbert."

Elena's eyebrow rose as she pulled away from him. "Don't flatter yourself."

Damon chuckled and grabbed her by the waist, their chest flush against each other as their mouths hovered near each other. "I missed you," he whispered, a lazy smirk curving his lips.

Elena felt her cheeks flushing and her chest warming at his words and the innocent look in his eyes. "I missed you, too," she answered before she felt his lips touching hers lightly, almost imperceptibly, and leaving her wanting more.

Damon pulled away from her and slung over his shoulder the purse she was carrying before taking her gloved hand in his bare one and pulling her in the direction of downtown Manhattan. "Come on, Carrie, a man needs to eat."

They walked the busy streets with slow steps, talking and stopping every once in a while to admire something in a store. The sun started to set and the air around them became chillier; he pulled her into his body to warm her from the cold and Elena found herself once again taken aback at how easy it was to fall back into that familiarity she had shared with him so many years ago. It amazed her to think about how, after a single day, she could feel like she had never let him ago all those years ago.

They stopped at a hot dog vendor after Damon claimed he couldn't walk another step without taking a bite. He smiled and sent a suggestive glance in the direction of the vendor and Elena couldn't help but burst out laughing before following him. "Well, this isn't how I planned the night to go," she said after the vendor asked for their orders.

Damon chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Disappointed I didn't bring the big guns?"

Elena looked at him outraged. "What are you talking about? These are the big guns for me!" He laughed and hugged her to his side, as the man behind the street cart handed their food over. They managed to get a seat on the border of a flower bed and proceeded to enjoy their food.

Elena was sitting with her legs crossed over each other Indian-style and moaned in appreciation when she took the first bite of her hot dog topped with melted nacho cheese. "This is so good," she sighed as she practically inhaled the food in her hands.

Damon laughed, his eyes twinkling in the dark night. "You got cheese…" His hand moved towards the corner of her mouth to wipe it and Elena stuck her tongue out and licked his finger. Damon growled low in his throat, eyes clouding over with lust. "Don't tempt me, Gilbert."

She leaned towards him with a cheeky smile on her face. "Why not?"

Damon inched his face closer to hers, their breaths mingling with each other and the night air. "I might throw you on the ground and have my wicked way with you." Elena licked her lips and his eyes went there instinctively.

"Not even you would dare to do such thing."

"Wanna bet?"

Elena was the first one to pull away, unable to resist the unnerving intensity of his gaze and proximity, knowing full well that if they continued playing that game, she might not oppose him having her in that busy street.

They continued eating their food while stealing glances at each other and smiling ever so often. Elena couldn't remember how long it had been since she last enjoyed a date so much.

"It's funny," she said, after a while.

He angled his head to the side and watched her as he bit into his second hot dog. "What is?"

Elena smiled as she looked at him from beneath her lashes. "You look so different from the last time you came to pick me up; you would have been out of place in a situation like this."

He frowned and seemed taken aback by her comment; his gaze moved away from her as he looked around the city. "I haven't changed that much, you know." His tone was sharp and his posture stiffened as he spoke.

"I didn't mean to be offensive," Elena whispered, and his expression softened at the sound of her voice.

He swallowed deeply and reached over to squeeze her knee. "You weren't; I'm just being touchy." He smiled at her but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes and Elena couldn't help but wonder what it was about her statement that put him in such a bad mood.

Damon sighed and rose what was left of his hot dog in her direction. "Wanna share?" His expression was apologetic and Elena felt warmness spreading inside her at the vulnerability in his eyes.

"You cannot possibly be good for my health," she joked as she accepted the food from his hands.

"But I am good for your heart!" he said before leaning towards her and placing a quick kiss on her nose. Elena chuckled and tried to hide the blush in her cheeks. "Yes, yes, you are."

Once they were done, they walked hand in hand towards the edge of the sidewalk in order to hail a cab. Damon kept leaning over her and whispering into her ear about how much he wanted her to go with him to his penthouse, but Elena refused him every time, telling him she had a dog at home who was waiting for her.

"I thought you didn't like animals," Damon commented as they climbed out of the cab and walked in the direction of her building. In the end, Damon had been unable to convince her and had decided to invite himself to her apartment instead. Elena had agreed with the ghost of a grin on her face.

"I didn't use to; I was scared of dogs ever since I can remember," she answered, as they walked inside the building holding hands, under the curious looks of the elderly doorman who hid a smile of his own. "Don't know why really."

"Then what was it about Max that made him so special?"

Elena smiled as she pressed her back to the wall of the elevator, she remembered the first time she had seen the black Cocker spaniel, he had been a little thing that fit into her palm and had cowered behind dirty trash cans.

"I don't know, I had just moved into the apartment when I met him," she said under Damon's enraptured look. "Somebody had abandoned him on the alley next to the building and every night I could hear him howling from my room's window." She had been unable to sleep those nights, thinking about the poor animal lying on the cold ground. "I brought him food every day until he started following me around and tried to sneak past me into the building"

Damon grinned. "And, in the end, you caved?"

Elena chuckled as they exited the elevator and headed in direction of her apartment, luckily thinking about her dog had kept her distracted from the fact that Damon Salvatore was going to set foot into her place for the first time. "I certainly did, and I am utterly happy for doing it."

Elena pulled her keys out of the purse Damon was still carrying and with shaky hands proceeded to unlock her door; she stepped inside with him trailing behind her and immediately felt a change in the atmosphere. It was the same place where she had lived for the last couple of years, but having Damon there made it all different, as if that was the way it was supposed to be all along.

The clicking sound against the marble floor made their eyes move towards the living room where they saw the before-mentioned dog coming their way, the gold tag on his blue collar tinkling away as he moved.

"Hey there, little guy," Damon said as he kneeled onto the floor and took the small dog into his arms. The pet licked his cheeks and wagged his tail and Damon laughed in delight. "I think he likes me!"

Elena felt her chest swelling with happiness as she observed the scene before her. "He likes everyone," she said, trying to lessen the impact the image of Damon and her pet had on her heart.

"Yeah, don't try to diminish our bond." He chuckled and sat on the floor as he proceeded to scratch the dog's belly. "I've always been a fan of larger breeds but I think we can get along really well."

"Do you have any dogs?"

"Nope," he said with a shake of his head, his attention focused completely on the animal twisting in delight on the floor. "I used to have a Pitbull named Rocko, but Kat kept him after the divorce."

"Oh."

Elena regretted asking the question immediately and Damon took notice; she knew it was silly but she couldn't help the stab on her chest whenever she thought about Damon marrying another woman, about him walking down the aisle with her and sharing the first dance they were never going to share now.

Never had she regretted taking that flight to Paris more than she did in that moment.

"We can talk about it you know." Damon stood up and went to stand in front of her. Max no longer having the attention all to himself retreated back into the living room and went to rest under the coffee table.

Elena sighed and rested her back against the wall of the foyer. "I don't want to."

"Elena…" Damon raised his hand and stroked her cheek gently, her eyes closing at the affectionate action. "We've been apart for ten years; it's impossible to believe neither of us has a past"

Elena bit her lip and felt tears welling in her eyes, she hadn't stayed celibate either but she wished she had; she wished she had never met any man but him and that he had loved only her. It was ridiculous and selfish but she felt she hated that Katherine woman like she never did anyone before. "I know, I'm being silly, just ignore me." She shrugged nonchalantly and moved away from the wall, trying to put distance between them, but his hand on her upper arm stopped her from doing so.

"Never." He pulled her into his arms, his hands going up and down her back gently. "Kat is my past"

Elena swallowed deeply before looking up at him, her chin up as her eyes challenged him. "I was your past, too."

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, loving the way the fire and passion burned inside her. "No, you were never." He took hold of one of her hands and took it to rest over his chest, where the name of their son lay tattooed on his skin. "You've always been here, a permanent mark burned in my skin, a constant reminder of what true love really means."

Elena closed her eyes as if in pain, her fingers bunching the fabric of his shirt where she was touching. "Did she know?"

"No."

No matter how hard Katherine had tried to discover the meaning behind his mysterious tattoo, Damon had not revealed to her once, not because he didn't trust her but because Danny and Elena had been a part of his life he had wanted to preserve only for himself, a treasure he wanted to keep locked in.

Elena sighed and dropped her face into his chest. "I don't want to feel jealous about her; I know I have no right but I-"

He shushed her by taking hold of her chin and forcing her face up. "I get it, trust me I do, but you mustn't feel that way." His thumb stroked her lower lip. "You've always been the only one."

He leaned down to kiss her then, their mouths met each other halfway and they moved with gentle ease; clothes being shredded as they moved together towards her bedroom. The sound of the honking cars outside the window got lost beneath sound of their erratic breathing and their tongues meeting with each other.

Damon lowered her onto the soft plush bed without taking of notice of his surroundings; he would have time to do it afterwards, time to explore everything that her life had been in the time they had been apart. Right now, he didn't want to waste time and focus on anything but her.

He eased inside almost immediately, the slickness of her body inviting him without any trouble; the moans that rumbled out of their chests bounced on the walls as they moved against each other.

No words were uttered as they reconnected once again, one of her legs was hitched over his shoulder as he thrusted into her with abandon, the sight of her writhing body below him burned in his memory forever; how different yet the same she was from the nineteen-year-old woman he had made love to so many times in the past. Her body was fuller and more curved in places that had been flat before, but he still knew every nook and cranny of it. He still remembered her smell and the way her toes numbed whenever she reached her peak.

"I love you," he murmured after he had collapsed on top of her, the sweat of their skin making them stick together on the tangled sheets. She smiled and nuzzled into his hair as he rested his head on her chest, her hand stroking his back softly until he almost wanted to purr at her touch. "I love you, too," she said moments after their eyes closed and they drifted to sleep, bodies intertwined.

He was woken up by the sound of his phone buzzing on his discarded jeans on the floor; he rubbed his eyes sleepily and detangled himself from her body with a smirk plastered across his face. He tiptoed around the room until he reached the offensive device and cursed under his breath when he saw the name on the screen "What in God's name?" He barked as he stepped out into her living room completely nude.

"I need your help"

Damon closed his eyes in annoyance at the frantic voice of one of his colleagues, the son of his boss and one of the worst lawyers he had had the displeasure of meeting "What do you want Parker?"

"It's about Cade's case"

Damon clenched his jaw at the mention of their newest client, a man he didn't trust at all "What about it?"

"He confessed"

"What?"

The labored breathing of the other man was heard through the phone for a couple seconds before he spoke "To me, he confessed killing them and he handed me the murder weapon"

Damon felt his chest constricting at the words he heard, their latest case was a man accused of murder, and thought it ashamed to admit it he had represented his share of bad people but never one like Cade, the man had been accused of raping and killing three girls under eighteen and the words Kai Parker now uttered confirmed what he had suspected all along, that the man he represented was indeed guilty.

Damon took a deep breath, his forehead dropping against the wall in a defeated gesture "Tell me what you are saying isn't true Kai"

"I hid it, I hid it but I don't know if it was the right thing" Kai sounded near tears, the man was an idiot but he wasn't as dirty as his father so if he had indeed hidden the murder weapon it had been out of complete fear, Damon almost felt bad for him "Dad is not picking up so I called you"

"Where are you?" He asked as he moved back into the room and collected his clothes as quietly as possible; the blissfulness that had been his night had evaporated and nothing else remained now but the darkness that he had allowed to seep into his life.

"At the office" He said hurriedly "I've cleaned everything, there's no trace of it"

"Fuck" Damon muttered, not knowing what he was doing to do "I'm on my way"

It was not his mess but he was going to have to find a way to fix it, he threw one last look at Elena and felt disgusted with himself for straying so far away from the boy she once knew, the one who was full of ideals and wanted to change the world.

He didn't know in which moment he had allowed him to get lost but he never wanted to get him back more than he did in that moment.

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 **Review?**


	16. You have broken it

Final Update of the year for What Might Have Been, thank you all so much for walking alongside me this year, you have no idea how much joy I get from reading all you have to say about my stories, it's been a pleasure to write for you this 2018.

If you feel like it, feel free to check out my Christmas one shot and please enjoy this chapter.

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 _"I have not broken your heart - you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine."_

 **-Emily Bronte-**

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With a smile on her face and her brown eyes twinkling in delight Elena Gilbert closed her laptop and sighed happily. She had been up until two in the morning the night before writing a new short story that had been swirling around her head for the last couple of days and once she had started putting the words down, she had been unable to stop; she had gone to work thinking there was still some polishing that needed to be done to the story so once her most pressing office affairs were over she had dedicated herself to going over it again.

It had been so long since Elena had felt so eager and inspired to write, she couldn't help but connect it all to Damon's re-appearance in her life and their rekindled romance, not because she needed him to be inspired again, but because he had reminded her of who she used to be and the dreams she had left behind, seeing him again had been invigorating for her soul and had shown her that it was not too late yet to reach her dreams.

Thinking of said man whom she had not seen since two days ago when he snuck out of her house and left nothing behind but a short text message, Elena had chosen to wear a little black dress that was tight around the waist and flowed back until it reached her knee; they had kept communication through text messages but she couldn't help but feel like something was off with him so she had decided to do something that was sure to shock them both.

Checking the clock on her desk she got up from her chair and went inside the private bathroom inside her office, there she re-applied her makeup, freshened up her deodorant and brushed her luscious hair until she was happy with the result. She filled her cheeks with air in a nervous gesture and turned around to the small full-length mirror she had installed on the back of the door as she opened the buttons of her dress.

Elena stared at her almost naked reflection with a critical eye; she had decided to wear her most obscene push up bra paired up with a light pink see through cheekster and a garter belt in the same color, she thought she looked damn good, though her body wasn't what it used to be ten years ago; her hips were wider now and her inner thighs wobbled a bit as she walked, a bit of cellulitis marred the skin of her butt and though her stomach was mostly flat there was a tiny lower belly pouch that refused to go away no matter how many hours at the gym she spent, she knew it probably had to do with her love for chocolate cake and wine but she was not ready to give those ones up yet.

Despite all her imperfections and insecurities Elena couldn't help but smile at the memory of Damon's hands on her skin or his lips on her own because even if she was not perfect she had felt that way in his arms; biting her lip in anticipation Elena closed her dress and took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom. She grabbed her purse and headed out of her office with an extra bounce in her step, she said goodbye to her assistant and told her to leave her a voicemail if something important aroused.

* * *

Elena arrived at Damon's office with a bag of takeout and a body quivering with nerves, the old man at the front door smiled at her and somehow that made her feel better, though it was a short relief because once she presented herself in what they had told her was Damon's secretary desk the girl gave her a bitter fake smile that left her feeling all kinds of wrong.

"Mr. Salvatore, there's a girl to meet you, she has no appointment and I know you've said not to bother you today, but she was rather insistent" The cute brunette girl on the other side of the desk whose plaque read Rose whispered sweetly on Damon's phone at the same time she gave Elena a look full of disdain "Yes of course, her name is Elena Gilbert"

Elena almost wanted to laugh at the way the other woman's jaw clenched at the response on the other side, she flushed over and plastered another fake smile on her face, "Of course sir" She hung the phone with extremely slowness and threw her a glacial look "You may pass Mrs. Gilbert"

"Why thank you" Elena grinned and walked past the woman with her head held high.

She opened the big mahogany door with a click and smiled when she saw Damon inside; a white crisp shirt gracing his upper body, his mouth twisted at the corners in a flirty smirk, New York City outside of the glass windows behind him and twinkling blue eyes staring at her as she walked inside.

"I think your secretary hates me" She said with a chuckle as she shut the door behind her.

Damon shook his head and smiled "She can be a handful"

Elena eyed the documents scattered on his desk at the same time she sat down in one of the plush leather seats placed in front of his desk "I'm sorry if this is a bad time"

"No, not all" Damon leaned back on his chair and placed his hands on top of his stomach, eyes dancing with mirth as he looked at her "Why are you here?"

"I brought you lunch" Elena said while rising in the air the big brown paper bag she had been holding and felt her cheeks heating up, suddenly feeling self-conscious "Though if you already ate, I could probably-"

"Hush" Damon silenced her with a hand raised in the air before he stood up and rounded the table to get to her "I'm starving" His voice was low and thick and Elena felt a shiver going down her spine at the sound.

He leaned over her chair, his hands resting on each side of her "This wasn't what I had in mind" Elena whispered when she felt his nose going up and down the skin of her cheek, an aching fire starting to grow low on her tummy.

"Liar, liar pants on fire" He chuckled and pulled away from her "I could read you from the moment you walked through that door" He moved towards the door and clicked on the lock before turning around and facing her again, his eyes ablaze with desire.

Elena bit her lip and looked at him from underneath her lashes "One girl can't show up with an honest intention without you tainting everything"

Damon barked out a laugh as he approached her once again "Oh, I think your intentions are honest" He leaned down once again and ghosted his lips over hers at the same time his fingers started playing with the buttons on her dress "Honestly wicked" Elena moaned as his mouth finally took hers; it was soft and lazy, just their lips moving against each other as his fingers worked on her dress.

She felt a cold rush a wind and pulled away from his mouth to realize the entire front of her dress was now open to his hungry eyes "Will you look at this…" He said in amazement as he admired the lingerie she had chosen. His tongue peeked out to wet his lips as he dragged one finger against her aching flesh, her legs parted involuntarily and he moved his touch to rest over the damp spot between them "So sweet"

Elena tried to control her breathing as he continued to touch her with gentle strokes "I was supposed to be in charge here" She breathed out and saw him laughing lightly "Don't laugh at me…oh sweet Jesus" She half moaned as he took her by the waist and lifted her onto his desk.

She fell down on the hard surface; papers and other random objects digging into her back "Damon wait, I was supposed to-" He occupied the chair she had vacated and pulled her down so he was trapped between her legs "What in the world…"

"Hush" He bit down on her inner thigh, which earned him a delighted groan "You promised me lunch", He told her as he moved the see-through underwear to the side and allowed his tongue to make contact with her center.

"Oh fuck" Elena felt her body contract as she threw her head back and slammed it against the table, not caring about the obvious bruises she was going to have the next day.

Damon smiled against her skin and pulled away slightly, admiring her open and ready for him, the small patch of trimmed dark hair between her legs entrancing him "You are a true delight" He half murmured before closing in on her once again; he kissed her soft pussy before letting his mouth roam over her, his fingers working her fervently while he ate at her with lazy strokes.

Elena bit her lip almost to the point of drawing blood, not wanting the people outside of Damon's office to know about what was happening inside. Her body quivered in pleasure as he feasted on her, her hands were balled against her sides and sweat had already broken out on her skin "Don't you want to scream for me baby?" He asked as he moved his mouth away from her and rose, his hands already working on the buttons of his pants

"Damon, come here" She whined as she saw him pulling down his pants, his mouth was damp with the evidence of her arousal and she almost came when she watched him lick his lips "So delicious" He muttered to himself before rolling on a condom and taking her by the rear.

"Oh damn it" Elena muttered when she felt the tip of him nudging against her entrance "Come closer" She moaned and felt him inching inside her, her hands went to him immediately, ripping open the buttons of his shirt and running her hands over the planes of his chest.

They were silent the entire time, no other sound in the spacious office, but the sound of their skin meeting each other and they elaborated breathing, sweat trickled down their bodies as they moved against each other. When they came there weren't big shouts or proclamations, only their mouths devouring each other as wave after wave of pleasure went through their bodies.

"I swear to God this wasn't my intention," Elena said with a laugh when he collapsed on top of her body.

Damon chuckled and placed a kiss to her left breast "As if I didn't know you"

Elena laughed and caressed his hair "Can we eat now?"

* * *

Minutes after their frenzied thirst Damon and Elena were sitting down on the floor of the small living room area of his office with plates of tacos scattered between them.

"In the end, you only wanted me for my body" Damon joked before engulfing almost an entire taco from just one bite.

Elena smiled and lowered her eyes, her fingers playing with the meat on her food absently "You've been kind of absent"

Damon's face sobered, his head nodding in response "Sorry about that, it's just this new case I've been working on… it's killing me"

Elena raised her eyes and observed his face; there were dark circles underneath his eyes and worried lines marred his forehead, but there was something else, something she couldn't put her finger on. Perhaps she no longer knew him as well as she thought she did.

"You do seem a bit tired perhaps I shouldn't have come, now you'll have to stay late-"

Damon leaned forward and silenced her with a finger against her lips "You were the best distraction and I really needed one"

Elena smiled against his finger before he pulled away and they resumed their eating "So, Caroline and Stefan went out again last night"

Damon chuckled "Elena…"

"And she told me he told her he has a son"

"Yeah"

Elena's mind nearly imploded when Caroline had shared that bit of information with her while they shared coffee in the morning, they had spent an entire weekend together in The Hamptons and not once had Stefan or Damon mentioned anything about the child, and more importantly where was said child during all of that.

"He hadn't mentioned before" She voiced her thoughts.

He sighed before crumpling a napkin on his hand and placing the empty plate, he had been holding on the floor "It's his private life"

Elena nodded and they remained in silence while she finished her taco and he sipped from his can of coke, but mid-bite Elena couldn't hold on anymore and went back to the topic at hand "Is he close with the kid's mother?"

Damon laughed slightly "This is not our business"

Elena pouted at him "You suck at gossiping" He laughed and dabbed guacamole on his finger before smearing it across her face "You got guacamole all over my cheek!" She shrieked as she tried to move away from his reach, but he took her by the waist and allowed his tongue to trace the road the food had taken "Umm delicious"

Elena scrunched up her nose and pushed at him as she laughed "You're so gross"

He kinked his eyebrows and tickled her sides "You weren't saying that before"

Elena pushed at him and laughed "Jerk"

He stared at her intently for a couple of seconds, his blue eyes holding all the secrets she wanted to know "I had missed this, missed you"

"I know, me too" Elena smiled awkwardly and felt a blush covering her neck and cheeks; she bit her lip in a nervous gesture as she looked around the mess on the floor "I should probably help you clean this all up" She started picking up the scattered paper plates around the floor but Damon stopped it with a hand on hers.

"It's fine I can do it," He told her while he removed the plates from her hands and started placing them in one of the paper bags she had brought; Elena bit her lip as she watched him clean around and felt a swell of tenderness towards him.

"I should probably get going," She said softly and observed as he paused

"Can I see you tonight?" He asked, "I could swing by your place" He stood up and offered his hand to help her get on her feet; Elena accepted it and smoothed down the fabric of her dress as she did so.

"I would love that"

They shared a brief knowing smile before he excused himself to go throw things into the bathroom; Elena's eyes moved around his office and frowned at the lack of personal touches, she couldn't help but compare it to the small office he had owned back when they were young, the one clustered with pictures of them or his family and small little tinkles she always bought for him.

A black folder on his desk brought her attention and she moved closer to read the tag on the front, a gasp leaving her lips as she did so.

"Elena?" Damon asked from behind her, having walked out of the bathroom as she looked around.

"Damon…" She whispered as she turned around "You're the lawyer on Cade Black's case?"

He looked startled for a moment, then shame covered his features only to be replaced by a sudden and subtle rage; his jaw locked and his eyes seemed to have frosted over "Yes"

Elena took a deep breath and looked at him with accusing eyes "You know he's guilty right?"

"Elena…"

She moved backwards as he tried to reach her "How can you-" Elena stumbled over her words because of the anger she was feeling. She had seen the news and read all the articles, it was incredibly she had missed who the attorney on the case was considering the media exposure it was getting "You know what he's done"

Damon straightened up and rounded the table "I will not discuss my work with you" He started organizing documents scattered on his table, his eyes not meeting her, ignoring she was still standing a few feet away from him.

Elena's nostril flared "But I thought- I thought you wanted more, to be different"

He released a dark bitter laugh "Well, you can't always get what you want, can you? We're living proof of that" An angry glance was directed towards her belly and Elena felt like the air had been sucked out of her.

"That's not fair" She whispered as her eyes welled with tears.

Damon released a frustrated sound, his hands going to tug onto his already mussed hair "What do you want me to say, Elena, this is my job and I will do what my job requires"

"Even if it is dirty?" She spat, voice wobbling with emotion "Who are you?"

Damon flinched back, looking hurt for a moment, but replacing the vulnerability seconds afterwards with a defensive glance "Don't, don't come here all high and mighty wanting to judge my decisions, you have no right to" He bit out "You don't what I've been through, you don't even know who the fuck I am anymore and that is your own damn fault"

Elena bit her lip in order to stop the sob that wanted to break free from her throat, she stared at the man she had loved more than anything in the world and felt her heart breaking "Fuck you Damon¨ She threw at him before turning around and storming out of his office, tears sliding down her cheeks in companion to the clicking of her heels on the marble floor.

It had been too soon to assume she and Damon could live happily ever after? Had she been a fool all this time, holding to the ghost of a man she had loved once and not realizing he was no longer there? Don't waste time looking back, you're not going that way, her favorite character on a television show had once said, but could she look forward now? Could she love the man Damon had turned into?


	17. Our lives are defined by opportunities

_Hello there!_

 _Is 2019 being kind to you? I really hope it is. I really hope we can have another good year filled with many new chapters and stories to share, thank you all once again for continue reading what I write and telling me how much you love it. As I couldn't do this without Amy who is my beta, so a huge thanks to her as well._

 _Please enjoy!_

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"Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss."

 **-The Curious case of Benjamin Button-**

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The blonde girl dropped a paper bag containing blueberry scones onto her best friend's desk and waited with a smile for the other woman to acknowledge them with grateful twinkling doe eyes, but, instead of that, they only got a glare and something grumbled underneath her breath. It was after such wretched treatment to the scones that the blonde knew that things were really bad this time.

"Okay, what did lover boy do?"

Elena's eyes moved away from the paper bag into the baby blues of her best friend, "Excuse me?"

The blonde sighed dramatically and fell down in one of the white plush chairs in front of Elena's desk. "There's got to be a good reason for you to be such a bitch today."

Elena's eyes widened as she scowled, "I am not being a bitch."

Caroline cocked her head to the side. "Jake walked crying out of here twenty minutes ago because you shredded his article." Elena opened her mouth to speak, but the blonde silenced her with a raised hand. "The guy's stuffing his face with chocolate cake and cursing you from behind the coffee machine." The blonde leaned over and placed her hands on top of the desk as she whispered, "Oh, and April is even afraid to come and tell you, your meeting at three o' clock got cancelled."

"Fine!" Elena bit out and leaned back on her chair, the pen she had been holding hit the desk with a thud. "I might be in a bad mood."

Caroline perked up. "And why is that? Tell me all about it!"

"Ugh, because Damon is being a complete jerk," he spat as she fisted her hands in front of her in a frustrated gesture. "I discovered he's one of the main attorneys Cade Black case."

Caroline's eyes widened. "You're shitting me!"

"I'm serious," Elena said softly as she looked down. "And I kind of lashed out at him for being involved in something so dirty."

The blonde pursed her lips and gave her friend a scolding look. "Elena…"

"What? I couldn't stay quiet, Caroline," she said defensively. "What kind of man am I getting myself involved with, if he's able to look past everything that man has done just for the fame and the money?" Her voice broke down and she closed her eyes in order to compose herself. "Maybe he's no longer the guy I used to know."

Elena had been awake all night thinking about her exchange with Damon and what it meant for them. In her mind, it was impossible to comprehend the sweet guy who had wanted to change the world turning into a calloused man who was willing to overlook his principals in order to achieve recognition.

The days she had spent with Damon since they found each other again had made her believe he was still that boy she once loved, but what if she had been wrong? What if everything she thought about him had been nothing but a mask? Elena wouldn't be able to bear realizing that he had forgotten all that he used to stand for.

"Christ, Elena, I don't really know what to say."

"On top of that, he yelled at me and said mean things," she told her friend. "I refuse to be the girl who allows her boyfriend to treat her like shit!" She stuck out her chin and clenched her jaw as she spoke; she had felt terribly after walking out of Damon's office, refusing to allow him to treat her that way. He hadn't even called to apologize.

The blonde girl's eyes hardened and she reached across the table to hold her hand. "You are not that girl" she said fiercely and felt Elena squeezing back her hand, a small smile gracing her lips. "But, don't you think you might be overreacting?"

"Overreacting how?" Elena asked as her eyes opened in outrage.

The blonde patted her hand kindly before releasing her and leaned back on her chair. "You didn't give him a chance to explain his reasons."

"He got all defensive! I wasn't able to do anything!"

Caroline chuckled. "If I know you well, something tells me you went straight at his jugular, too."

Elena bit her lip and glanced away. "Whose side are you on?"

"On yours, always," the other girl smiled. "I'm just saying there might be more there than meets the eye."

Elena filled her cheeks with air before releasing it. "Men are trash!" she muttered and smiled when Caroline crackled with laugher.

"I cannot argue with that logic," the blonde said and both friends stared at each other for a brief moment, somewhat grateful for being present in each other's lives.

After a couple of minutes in silence, Caroline's eyes darted away from hers and she started biting her lip in a nervous gesture. "So, I might have done something and I kind of don't want you to hate me…" Elena gave her a pointed look and motioned for her to keep talking. "Which is why I also brought you a delicious piece of chocolate cake I stole from Jake."

Caroline leaned down and took a white container she had been hiding and placed it on Elena's desk. "Caroline…" the other woman warned as she watched the blonde open the lid and move the cake towards her.

Caroline laughed nervously as she once again leaned back in her chair. "You heard about that contest that G magazine is hosting, right? The one we're teaming up with?"

"Yes," Elena nodded, knowing exactly what her friend was referring to. Their fashion magazine worked as the godmother of a small independent magazine that was on the rise - said magazine dealt with topics such as art, literature, and cinema and it was all directed towards women. Elena had seen the guidelines to their literary contest and had wanted to submit her work but hadn't had the courage to do it.

Which was why her friend's confession didn't upset her as much as she thought.

"I might have submitted one of your short stories."

Elena's eyes opened like plates. "You what?"

"I just saw it on your desk and I couldn't help but read it and I was really happy you were writing again and I thought you deserved a chance to show it to the world but that you would never do it so I took the liberty…" The blonde girl rambled as she stood and rounded the table to get to her. "I know I shouldn't have but all I want is the best for you and I love you so much! You've made my life better; please don't hate me!" Caroline took a deep breath to get some air and leaned down to surround Elena with her arms.

"I don't hate you, Caroline," Elena said between laughs, trying to pry herself from her friend's choking hold. "But, you shouldn't have done that."

"How mad are you?" the blonde said as she pulled away.

Elena rolled her eyes with a smile. "You're lucky because my anger for Damon surpasses my anger for you."

The blonde threw her hands in the air and laughed, "Yay me!"

Elena shook her head at Caroline's antics and sighed. "Though I don't think it'll manage to make it to the finals."

The blonde narrowed her eyes as she walked away. "God, you're such a pessimist!"

"I'm realistic."

"Same thing! You should learn from me!" Caroline smiled brightly as she walked towards the door.

"Speaking of… how are things with the most decent Salvatore?" Elena asked and watched her friend's cheeks color with a rosy blush.

"That's a story for another day, my sweet Elena." Her smile was wide as she opened the door. "Love ya!" She blew a kiss in her direction and closed the door behind her, leaving Elena once again alone with her thoughts, though more cheerful than before and with a bag full of scones.

* * *

When the clock struck six o'clock, Elena Gilbert sighed and closed her laptop before standing up and grabbing her purse - her feet were killing her and an ache had started growing in her temples. She felt emotionally drained and wanted nothing more than a hot bath and a glass of wine while watching Home & Health shows.

As she walked out of her office and passed several empty cubicles, she realized she had worked past almost everyone in the office once again and felt a bit sad for Max who was alone all day while she was at work.

Almost dragging her feet and with her head hanging low, she stepped out of the elevator into the cold, wide lobby; her mind was already setting up different ideas for her take-out dinner tonight when her eyes rose and she found the source of her bad mood leaning against one of the marble pillars of the lobby.

An eye brow shot up in his direction and she saw a smile appear on his lips. At the same time, he rose a hand in direction of the girl behind the front desk. Elena's eyes went to her at the same time _Moon River_ started coming out the speakers in the lobby. Her breath caught in her throat and a blush covered her cheeks as she turned her attention back to Damon who walked towards her holding a single sunflower in his hands.

"What is all this?" she whispered, as she threw furtive glances to the few people who were watching them with smiles on their faces.

Damon chuckled and grabbed her hand. "Come on, show me how Carrie and Big did it."

Elena felt her heart doing a somersault and shrieked back, "Oh my God, no!"

He laughed and took her in his arms. "Show me your twist" His feet moved in too strange a way to be called a twist but Elena decided to follow his lead and make a fool of herself in front of her coworkers. A laugh bubbled in her chest and they danced to the rhythm of the song.

"You're crazy!" she told him when he pulled her even closer to him and slowed their movements. "Don't think this means I forgive you!" Her eyes narrowed and he stroked her cheek gently.

"I wouldn't dare." Sorrow painted his baby blues and Elena felt her anger from earlier dissipating completely. "But, I'm thinking maybe a homemade dinner and a long talk might do the trick," he said.

She nodded, "That does sound tempting."

The tips of his lips curved into his usual smirk. "Are you inviting me over then?"

She laughed under her breath and pulled away from him. "I think I am." She tugged on his hand and pulled him towards the door, pretending not to notice the people who had started clapping behind them.

As they walked to the entrance, Damon turned around and shouted over his head to the girl on the front desk, "Goodbye, Jennifer, thank you!"

Elena's eyes went to her as well and felt her face turning flaming red as she winked suggestively. "Have a nice night, Elena."

"Oh my God, this is mortifying," she said under her breath as Damon laughed behind her.

They stepped into the cold New York air and, to both of their surprises, were able to haill a cab in no time. None of the important things were mentioned on their ride; only trivial things like their friends or what each had gotten for lunch were spoken of, even though the tension between them was so thick it could have been cut down with a knife.

To Elena's surprise, Damon had already gone to the store and was carrying a bag full of groceries while she twirled the beautiful sunflower on her hand. They walked, almost touching each other, towards the entrance of her building; both of them dying to hold hands but not wanting to be the first one to go for it.

When they walked inside the apartment, the little cocker spaniel came barreling down, but instead of going to her, he went to Damon who didn't hesitate to place the groceries on the counter and knelt down to play with the furry animal.

"He only did it because he saw you were the one with the food!"

Damon laughed as he rubbed the animal's belly. "Don't be jealous."

Elena rolled her eyes and proceeded to pull out what Damon had gotten on the counter. Minutes later, a bottle of wine had been uncorked, Frank Sinatra played in the background and a stewpot with sauce boiled on the stove while Damon cooked ravioli in a pan on the other side.

The sweet and cold liquid went smoothly down her throat as she heard him speak from where she was sitting on the kitchen's island stool. Max was lying at her feet, completely unaware of the tense conversation taking place.

"When I started working at Parker's firm, I was hungry for recognition, you know." His back was to her, but she could see the way his posture stiffened. "I had been busting my ass as a paralegal at another firm and knew I could be more than that." He paused and sighed, "They gave me a chance."

"Made you feel important," Elena said as she nodded and sipped from her wine.

"Exactly, I was suddenly rubbing elbows with the best and making more money than I did before." He lowered the flame on the stove and covered the stewpot and pan before turning around and facing her. "It was exhilarating." He took a deep breath and moved towards the island. "Then I met Kat; I already told you about this."

"Yeah," Elena said through clenched teeth.

"We were a couple of months into our relationship when I realized the firm was shady as fuck." Damon shook his head as he released a sardonic laugh and reached for his glass of wine. "I was working on a housing case that ended up costing lots of innocent people their homes"

"Damon…" Elena whispered and reached across for his hand. The sorrow painted in his expression was enough to let her know the decisions he had made before weighed on him more than he let on.

"I felt like shit," he said and gulped down his wine. "But, she was there to support me, you know? Telling me I was doing the right thing and that it wasn't my fault. I wasn't the one committing the crimes, was I?" His eyes misted as he clenched and unclenched his fist. "God… And I've stuck with that logic for so long!"

Elena observed him in silence, urging him on to unleash everything he had been holding onto to her. "Kat was… she could make you believe anything. She wrapped you around her finger enough until you did anything for her," he told her and she felt a stab of pain in her heart. It was incredibly hard to hear him talk about the woman who had shared so much with him; who had shared his last name and had become what she always wanted to be. "And I was caught up in the lifestyle, the parties, the trips.., Fancy dinners and everything that made us the golden couple." He shook his head in frustration. "How stupid I was."

"You weren't happy…" she whispered as he backed away, his attention back to the stove as he turned his back on her once again.

"No, the cracks were too many; we just knew how to ignore them well." Disdain and regret dripped from his every word, a bitterness she hated to associate with him. "I can't blame my choices on anyone but me, I know that now and once we decided to divorce, I contemplated the idea of quitting the firm"

"But?"

"I never had the courage, I think." He stayed in silence for a couple of minutes as he removed the things from the stove and proceeded to serve the pasta he had been making for them. "Cade's case is the first murder case I've had to work where I know the client is guilty… I asked to be left off it, but they were not having it." His eyes were trained on the plates in front of him as he shredded the cheese and Elena admired his ability to keep his mask in place, cool and collected against it all. "I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it," he continued, "Which is why I quit." He slid a plate towards her as he finished his sentence.

"I'm sorry, what?" Elena almost spit the wine she had been drinking and stared at him in astonishment.

"I quit."

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again; she took a big swig from her glass and then lowered it once again "Not because of what I said, right?" she asked, grimacing.

He shook his head. "No, because it was eating me up." Damon took a deep breath and stared deeply at her. "The night I snuck out of your apartment, my boss's son called me saying he had the confession and had hidden the murder weapon."

"Dear Lord!"

"I couldn't stay there after that."

She gave him a confused look. "But, I went to your office…" She trailed off when she saw the smile on his face; her visit had been the day before; it wouldn't have been possible for him to quit before that, or was it?

"I had to fix some things before landing the blow," he told her and started rounding the table to get to her.

"Then why were you so…"

"Defensive? I don't know." He shrugged and stopped in front of her. "I guess you struck a chord in me and I lashed out; I'm truly sorry. I shouldn't have brought the past, it was unfair to you "

"God no, I'm the one who's sorry." Elena's regretful eyes looked at him from underneath her lashes. At the same time, she opened her legs to allow him to stand between them. "I shouldn't have interfered in your decisions that way." Her hands settled on his chest. "You were right, I didn't know anything about why you did what you did." She looked down and whispered "I was afraid I didn't know you anymore."

"But, you don't," Damon said as he grabbed her by the chin and forced her to meet his stare. The tenderness she saw in his eyes almost made her want to weep. "Just like I don't know you, but that's the beauty of all of this, Elena, we have the chance to rediscover us."

She bit her lip and tried to contain the tears that wanted to break free; she once again marveled at how much everything could change with just a sentence coming out of his lips. He always had the power to make her believe in anything and she was not ashamed to admit he still had that power over her. "You were always a romantic!"

He smiled and dropped his forehead onto hers. "You bring out the best in me." His nose nuzzled hers and she couldn't help the smile that broke across her face. "I want to make things different now, I want us to talk and not just shut ourselves out. We made so many mistakes in the past, Elena, I don't want to make them again."

"I don't either."

They stared at each other with their faces mere inches away from each other; the minty smell of his breath was intoxicating in the best way possible and Elena wished she could stay with him that way forever. "I love you," she said and watched his eyes glowing with wonder.

"I love you more," he told her at the same time he stroked her cheek. The dog on the floor barked and they both laughed as they pulled away from each other. "Love you too, Max," Damon said to the pet who was now wagging its tail animatedly.

"So, are we gonna eat or what?" Elena smiled as she reached for a fork and pulled a plate towards her.

Outside, the cold was starting to frost the windows - a sign of the storm that was brewing in the air - but inside her apartment, there was nothing but warm heat and the feel of peace and mistakes being mended.

* * *

 **P.S I am working on a new story and I really need a beta, if you want to help or know someone who might want to, please contact me.**


	18. The year they fell into devastating love

Hello guys!

I must warn you, there's only one more chapter left after this one so I really hope you're enjoying this story as much as I enjoyed writting it, as always I want to thank Amy for being the beta in this story and going through this journey with me. And of course, thanks to all of you for reading.

Enjoy!

* * *

" _She prayed to God to give him at least a moment so that he would not go without knowing how much she had loved him despite all their doubts, and she felt an irresistible longing to begin life with him over again so that they could say what they had left unsaid and do everything right that they had done badly in the past."_

 _ **-Love in the time of cholera-**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

Elena's eyes scanned frantically the screen of the laptop in front of her while behind her Bonnie and Caroline, her two best friends, painted each other's nails in bright fall colors.

"You really are a glutton for punishment," Caroline said to her friend, who was biting her thumb as she sat cross-legged on the floor.

"Shh!" Elena waved her hand back in order to tell them to allowed her to continue reading. The girls chuckled and grabbed a couple of the Doritos they had in a bowl between them and threw them at her.

"Tell her Max, she's crazy!" Bonnie told the dog as he went to sniff around the junk food that had fallen all over Elena, who seemed completely oblivious to her friend's antics.

After two entire weeks of spending almost any free moment with Damon, her best friends had decreed some good old girl time was due, so they had arrived to her apartment Friday night with bags of junk food, wine and Caroline's special sleepover kit which included nail polish, face masks, movies, magazines and a bunch of essential and massage oils.

Elena had smiled widely when she saw them on her doorstep and they had proceeded to stuff their faces with pizza while they watched _13 Going on 30_ wearing their comfiest pajamas and with Max strutting around them occasionally.

Of course, once the film ended, they had launched into a long and terrifying talk about Damon and Elena's relationship and what the future had in store for them. Said talk had ended up with Elena glued to her laptop stalking Damon's ex-wife and her friends painting their nails while they chastised her and warned her that it was the worst idea in the world.

"She looks like a damn Barbie doll," Elena muttered as she eyed a picture taken from a local magazine where Katherine Pierce was spotted looking effortlessly classic while shopping in New York.

"If Barbies exuded that much sexuality!" Caroline commented as she looked over Elena's head at the picture on the screen.

"Not helping, Caroline."

Bonnie gasped as she too eyed the screen over her friend's head. "Is that a wedding picture?" she exclaimed as she jumped from the bed and went to sit on the floor next to Elena. Caroline followed suit, only much more carefully in order to stop her nails from getting ruined.

Elena clicked on said picture and felt her heart pummeling when she spotted Damon on a tux with a bright smile on his face and his arms around his former wife, who looked dazzling in a tight white dress made completely of lace.

She had seen the pictures shortly after the wedding; she had curled up in her bed and cried all night, but seeing them now only made it ache more somehow. She hated to think of all the things they shared with other people that should have been only for them.

"They did look fit for each other," Elena said sadly as she scrolled through the different pictures of the fancy party; a smile had graced his lips in every single one and she felt her heart shrinking with each one.

"Mind you he doesn't look as happy as he does with you," Caroline said softly and dropped her head onto her friend's shoulder.

"You really think so?"

"Of course," Caroline answered and squeezed her leg in reassurance while from the other side Bonnie handed her a freshly poured glass of rosé.

"God, I hate her," Elena grumbled as she sipped the cool liquid. "Is it all right to hate someone you don't know?"

Caroline nodded. "I hate Miley Cyrus for having Liam."

Elena pushed at her friend playfully. "You're such a dork!" The girls laughed for a second before Elena's attention went back to the screen in front of them.

"Seriously, honey, stop torturing yourself and close this thing," Bonnie told her softly before reaching for it herself and snatching the device from her friend's hand.

Elena whined and threw her body back so it could rest on the foot of the bed. "I wish I could erase these pictures from my brain!" she said as she scrunched her eyes.

"You can't," Caroline said and reached for a glass of wine. She poured some and then raised her glass in direction of Elena as she spoke. "But you can call your man tomorrow and give him the blowjob that will make him forget anyone else!"

Elena couldn't help the burst of laughter that came out of her mouth at her friend's suggestion. "Does everything come back to sex with you?" she asked.

"Duh!"

"Though Stefan does mean more than sex, right?" Bonnie asked the blonde girl. "With you meeting his kid and all?"

"What?" Elena's eyes widened as she straightened up. "How come I didn't know this?"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "You've been too busy in Damon's pants."

"Eww, Care…" Bonnie said with a face.

Caroline sighed and placed her glass back on the floor. "Anyway… yes, I am going to meet the little one this weekend."

"So is it serious now?" Elena asked as her eyes bore down on her friend. Caroline liked to fool around but Elena had never seen her as interested in someone as she was in Stefan and if she had agreed to meet his son it was because she saw herself having something with him in the long run. Otherwise, she wouldn't have accepted; she only hoped nothing bad came out of it.

"I guess," she said as her cheeks blushed slightly. "I don't know; I've never felt this way, though it's still kind of early in the relationship." She bit her lip and a trace of vulnerability crossed her features. "I know I've been stalking him since like forever…." she said as she remembered how she used to go to that bar with the only goal being to catch a glimpse of him. "But it's more than that, the chemistry between us is like nothing before… I really do like him a lot."

"Awww…" Elena cooed and moved so she could wrap her arms around Caroline. "Look at us all sappy and in love!" The blonde girl laughed and Elena's eyes moved to Bonnie. "It's your turn now, Bon."

The other girl shook her head as she sipped from her wine "Don't even think about it; I still need to travel the world before I even think about falling in love."

"And what about Enzo?"

Bonnie blushed under the scrutiny of her friends. "We were just fooling around in the Hamptons, but nothing more, trust me."

Caroline narrowed her eyes at her and then looked at Elena. "We'll see about that."

They laughed and Max barked, earning Caroline's attention who scooped him up and proceeded to allow him to lick her face. Having forgotten about the subject of Damon's ex-wife, the girls concentrated on applying facemasks for each other as they watched _My Best Friend's Wedding_ on the TV.

* * *

The next day Damon showed up at her doorstep around noon. He was wearing a dark red shirt under a black coat and winter boots; he was a sight to behold. And he was holding a dark blue dog collar in his hands which almost made Elena turn into goo at the foyer. They strapped Max to the brand new leash Damon also brought and then stepped outside in the direction of Central Park. The wind was chilly and they knew snow was likely to come soon.

"What are you going to be doing for Thanksgiving?" she asked as they walked with their hands joined; Max trotting happily next to them.

"Look for a job?"

Elena pushed at him playfully and he laughed. "Don't be dumb, you'll have a new job in no time."

His face fell slightly. "We'll see about that, with Parker wanting to ruin my career."

People at his old firm hadn't been exactly ecstatic at Damon leaving, especially with what he knew about their cases but he had been relentless and swore to never come back under any circumstance, so they had set on dragging his name through the mud. Elena hated to see how it affected Damon, but moreover she feared it had been a mistake for him to walk away from his job. Though if she were honest, despite the fact that he was currently unemployed, Damon seemed lighter and happier than before.

"Do you regret it?" she asked, squeezing his hand.

"Not in the slightest." He crooked his head in order to look at her, his baby blues shinning under the twinkling stars. "And I have you to thank for that."

"How so?"

Damon sighed and pulled on her hand so they could stop. "I know I said I didn't leave the firm because of what you said but the truth is, you showing up in my life again made me re-think so many things." His cheeks were rosy from the cold and the way his eyes were shinning at the moment made him look incredibly young and innocent. "It made me remember the guy I was and the man I strived to be." His eyes moved away from her and fell on the dog walking in circles next to them; a small smile appeared on his lips at the sight. "And it was a punch to the gut to realize how far away I had strayed and how short I fell from the man I once thought I was going to be."

Elena placed a hand on his heart. "You're a good man, Damon."

He smiled and moved a strand of hair behind her ear. "I believe in anything when you look at me like that." She smiled up at him as he stroked her cheek lovingly, her face tilting to the side to feel more of his touch.

"Then I guess I should be thanking you, too." she whispered.

"What for?"

Her smile widened as she pulled away from him and then tugged on his hand so they could start walking again since Max was getting impatient. "Because I had a similar reaction at you showing up back in my life." She filled her cheeks with air and released it with a small laugh. "I've been writing again… fiction."

"That's amazing, Elena!" He squeezed her hand enthusiastically and it warmed her heart to see his excitement over her news. "I know how much you truly love to do that; I remember you could get lost for hours on your laptop typing away." Her eyes misted slightly at the memory of happy moments, of them cuddled together in that small apartment that smelled too much like Chinese food.

"Caroline submitted one my stories in a contest," she bit her lip in anticipation. "And I already made it to the final round."

He pulled on her hand again and forced her to stop, his smile so grand it could blind anyone. When he smiled at her like that, it was like everything around her stopped and nothing else existed but him. It was sad to think that there was a time where she took that smile for granted.

"That calls for a hot cocoa of celebration," he stated.

"And crepes?"

"All you want." He leaned down and placed his forehead against hers, nuzzling into her nose. "Hey, I'm proud of you." The coldness of his breath hit her face and she closed her eyes at the feel of it, wanting nothing more than to melt with him in that exact moment.

"And I am of you," she answered and kissed the tip of his nose. "You think… that fate truly brought us back together?"

Damon went quiet for a second before he cast his eyes to the sky and then back down at her. "I knew you and I were going to be right here from the first moment I met you." He raised their joined hands and kissed them. "We just strayed for a bit, but I did promise that one day you were going to be my wife."

A lump formed in her throat at his words and the memory of those two young kids that had met each other in a crowded pub one winter over ten years ago; two kids who had lost a child the next winter and who were holding hands now as the snow prepared to fall over New York.

"How cocky of you," she managed to say and saw an entire range of emotion flicker in his eyes before he pulled her to his side and resumed their walk.

"So, Thanksgiving?" he asked, moving back their conversation to their earlier topic.

Damon felt her hesitation and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly; she took a deep breath before letting the words fall out of her mouth, "I was wondering if you would like to spend it with me and my parents."

His eyes widened as he looked sideways at her. "What? The infamous Gilbert family?" he asked. "I'm going to meet them finally?"

Despite the fact that he and Elena were a couple for a year and he had met the rest of her family, he had yet to meet her parents. They had always been travelling in the year they were together; to say he was a bit nervous was an understatement.

"Only if you want too…" she rushed to say.

"Sign me up, darling," he answered and stopped once again, facing her. "But, with one condition."

"What's that?"

He placed his hand at nape of her neck and pulled her face towards his, the coldness of his skin against her made a shiver dance through her body. "That you spend Christmas with my mom and I."

Elena felt as if her heart had stopped inside her chest; Damon's mother had been a pillar to her when their son died and one of her many regrets had been disappointing her when she walked away. Seeing her again filled her with dread, but also with hope, and with the way Damon was looking down at her she knew it would be impossible to refuse him. "I would love nothing more."

They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before he closed the small distance between them and ghosted his lips over hers. They were cold and soft and as familiar as nothing ever before.

"Come on, let's get your food," he whispered against her mouth and pulled away before they resumed their walk. Their hands were joined tightly and a happy dog walked beside them as the night stars twinkled above them and the cold wind rustled the trees.

Over ten years since their first meeting and they were still two people in love, trying to find a way to make things right, only this time around they knew for certain that doing it together was the only way to succeed.


	19. The home I wanna come home to

Well, the end finally arrived!

I started writing this story in 2017 but life got in the way and I wasn't able to continue with it until 2018, it remained forgotten and alone in my computer for a while before the inspiration came to me once again and I decided to continue it, it hasn't been an easy journey considering how hard 2018 was for me, I'm sure you were able to tell because of how infrequent my updates were comparing it to my previous works, in spite of all of that you remained at my side and are still reading avidly and reviewing my work, you have no idea how much that means to me and how happy it makes me, so thank you.

I also want to thank Amy, because even when 2018 was hard for her too, she never gave up on this story and corrected my work till the end, so thank you Amy!

Now please enjoy and leave me all your thoughts on this story, your reviews literally feed my soul! Here's to another story finished!

* * *

"I've been all around the world, done all there is to do, but you'll always be the home I wanna come home to. You're a wild night with a hell of a view  
There ain't no place, ain't no place like you"

 ** _-Backstreet Boys-_**

 ** _._**

 _._

 **NEW YORK CITY**

 **TWO YEARS LATER**

 **.**

A thick layer of snow covered the streets of New York City that winter; the chilly air moved the strands of hair in people's heads as they walked around town with scarves around their necks and gloves in their hands.

Barbara Streisand's voice singed I'll be home for Christmas in an apartment located at the top of a Manhattan building while a woman prepared pancakes on the stove; her hair was pilled at the top of her head and she was wearing a pair of red flannel shorts and a black Henley. The place smelled of cinnamon and coffee and a cocker spaniel strolled over the floors as she swayed her hips to the soft tune of the music.

"I love the smell of coffee in the morning," Damon said as he stepped into the kitchen, his arms going around her from behind as he buried his face in her neck. "And, I love the sight of you."

Elena laughed and allowed him to pull her away from the stove. "Corny much, Mr. Salvatore?"

The corner of his lip tipped in a smirk as he caressed the ring on her finger. "Just the right amount, Mrs. Salvatore." She tipped her head up and he met her halfway for a brief kiss before allowing her to go back to her cooking.

"Has the phone started ringing yet?" he asked as he went to the coffee machine and poured two cups of it. His feet were bare despite the cold, and only a pair of flannel pants and a dark gray t-shirt graced his body.

"I unplugged it," she said, with her back turned to him.

"You what?" he asked as his eyes widened. "She's going to freak out." He busied himself putting cream and sugar in their drinks as she finished their breakfast.

"I think you and I deserve a few moments of peace before mayhem ensues."

He chuckled and handed her the cup a coffee, with a small kiss to her cheek. "I think you are the smartest woman I've met"

They were one week away from Christmas Eve and only a few hours away from Stefan and Caroline's wedding; after two years of steady dating they had decided to take the next step and the blonde had decided she wanted a Winter Wonderland as a theme, which meant she had dived into preparing the perfect wedding, of course dragging Elena, who was her maid of honor, along for the ride.

They had lived and breathed wedding for the last couple of months, so he was happy today it was all finally going to be over.

As Elena finished cooking, he knelt down and called to Max, who obliged immediately and proceeded to allow him to scratch his belly lovingly. "You finished them all?" he asked, as he eyed the different wrapped up presents that were placed on the dining room table.

Last year, after a lot of thinking, Damon and Elena had decided they wanted to create something to commemorate their lost son's memory, so with the help of their friends, they formed a foundation that helped provide homes to kids who were in need and had suffered from violence in their early life. Both of them were in charge of overseeing everything and liked to spend as much time with the children as they could.

It was the first Christmas they were going to spend with them, so they were throwing a small party where they were going to give away presents to each one of them. Every single one of her friends had volunteered to participate. Elena had never felt happier to have such an amazing group of people in their lives.

"Not nearly, we still have a lot of work to do, but I think we can wait for a few days," she said softly as she turned off the stove and proceeded to place their food on plates. "Bonnie did say she was coming to help us."

"She back from Australia?"

Elena snorted as she placed his plate on the table while he washed his hands. "You think she was going to miss today?"

"No, I didn't think so"

They sat in front of each other as they had done so many mornings by now. Damon and Elena had decided to get married after only a couple of months of getting back together; in their eyes, there was no more time to waste so they had celebrated their nuptials with a small ceremony on the beach and it had been the most perfect day of their lives.

"Speaking of Australia, Bekah mentioned our trip again," Elena said as she peered at him over the rim of her cup of coffee. "You think you'll be able to find some free time soon?"

Elena and Rebekah had reunited shortly after she and Damon had; the brunette was incredibly happy to be able to rekindle a friendship that had meant so much to her. The Australian girl had been asking her to come visit her country for a while now, and Elena hoped it was finally time to fulfill her promise.

Damon chuckled and winked at her. "Funny thing, I was talking with Enzo yesterday and he mentioned the fact that I looked like shit and needed a vacation."

After a couple weeks of being jobless, Enzo had approached Damon again with the offer he had made him several years ago, except this time the young lawyer accepted and had been working alongside his best friend for the last two years, finally being able to accept pro bono cases and helping the people that needed him the most.

As for Elena, she was now an editor of the fashion magazine and also a best-selling author of young adult novels. She had never been happier; sometimes she still couldn't quite believe how much things had changed in the span of two years.

"So, can we start making reservations?" she asked hopefully.

He smiled at her lovingly. "We can do whatever you want."

"Sweet! I might take you up on the offer," she joked. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes; she kept stealing glances at him and trying to find the words to what she wanted to say.

Knowing her like the back of his hand, he raised an eye brow in her direction as he stared at her with questioning eyes. "Want to share something?"

Elena played around with her food and looked at him from underneath her lashes. "She also asked if we were thinking about having children soon…"

Damon smiled as he leaned back on his chair, silverware forgotten on the table. "Huh, Rebekah wanted to know right?"

Elena abandoned her cutlery as well and mirrored his positon. "I am 32, Damon; the best days of my life are behind me."

Damon threw his head back and laughed. "You silly girl! The 30's are the best years of your life." His blue eyes twinkled with mischief. "How does it go? – thirty, flirty, and thriving?"

Elena rolled her eyes at him. "You've been watching too much TV."

"But to answer Rebekah's question, I would like to have a child with you right now," he announced before standing up and rounding the table to get to her. "In fact, why don't we start working on it at the moment?" He leaned down and scooped her up in his arms as she started shrieking.

"Damon!"

He placed her in his arms bridal style and started walking towards their bedroom. "Come on Len, let's put a baby in you."

She threw her head back and laughed. "You're such an ass!" Her eyes went back to the kitchen table where the rest of their breakfast was still sitting. "What about the pancakes?"

He nuzzled her neck as he kicked open the door of the bedroom. "We can eat them later; I'm going to eat you first."

They spent the rest of the morning making love. The snow started falling and the blanket of white on the concrete grew thicker, but inside their home there was nothing but warmth as their bodies met each other again and again.

* * *

Elena's eyes misted over with tears as she watched the dancing couple with a wide smile on her face. Her best friend was wearing a long-sleeved lace dress and had her blonde hair piled up on the top of her head; she looked like a princess and completely in love as she swayed in the arms of her husband to the soft tune of the music.

Her eyes then moved to the older woman sitting at the same table as hers and the child sitting next to her. Damon and Stefan's mother watched with rapt attention as her youngest son danced with the woman he loved and Jaxon, Stefan's son, matched her expression with a cheerful smile. Elena was glad that Caroline had found love in Stefan and his son; that together they formed a beautiful family and were now living a complete fairytale because she knew the blonde deserved every bit of happiness that could be given to her.

She released a contented sigh and her eyes caught sight of Bonnie and Enzo dancing together at the far end of the salon. Two years later, and she still wasn't sure of what those two were to each other, but it was given that they looked happier than ever whenever they were together.

"Want to dance, Mrs. Salvatore?" The soft whisper of her husband's voice caressed her ear, goosebumps breaking out on her skin at the sound at the feel of his breath on her skin.

Her head tilted to the side as she eyed him. "How about a walk instead?"

His smile widened as he cast a quick glance to the frosted windows. "A fearless woman, I like that." He extended his hand and she took it gladly; her deep blue dress sashed against the floor as they walked towards hand in hand towards the entrance.

He took off his long coat and placed it around her shoulders as they stepped outside. Their shoes dipped slightly in the freezing snow and his arms went around her and she snuggled into his body as they walked in the chilly air.

"Caroline did amazing with this place," Elena murmured in awe as she observed the twinkling lights wrapped around the threes that made the entire place look like something out of a fairytale.

"I have yet to find something that woman can't do," Damon told her as they stopped in front of a small greenhouse decorated with soft blue tea lights and translucent fabric, the party in full swing at their backs. Damon looked down at Elena who was wearing a strange expression on her face. "What is it?"

She smiled up at him and raised her hand to caress his rosy cheeks. "Nothing, I'm just happy."

The air was cold around them, but Elena never felt warmer that in that moment; with the decorations around them and the snow falling lightly from the sky, she felt part of a fairytale, with her own prince looking down at her.

"Well, I am too."

She sighed happily and circled his waist with her arms, her hands warming up inside his dress jacket. "You know… there was a time when I highly doubted I would be able to be this happy again," she whispered. "Like I was with you that first time we ran over the Brooklyn Bridge"

His eyes shone at the memory. "I ran over the bridge," he said with a chuckle. "You were just enjoying the ride on my back."

Elena laughed and pinched his sides playfully. "Jerk!" He laughed alongside her and brought her closer into his body, his hands resting above her bum. "Isn't it weird, to think we were once those silly kids?"

Damon breathed in deeply and dropped his forehead onto hers. "Darling, whenever I am with you, I turn into that silly kid once again."

Elena felt her heart flaming with happiness as his cold breath caressed her face. "Jesus, Damon, how is it possible for you to be this bloody sweet?" she said, barely able to murmur the words through the emotion clogging her throat. "Who writes your scripts?"

He laughed softly and the movement reverberated through her whole body. "Cheeky," he said before nuzzling her nose playfully, her lips breaking in another smile at the childlike action.

The soft tune of Peggy Lee's _"The Folks Who Live On the Hill"_ reached their ears and made Elena's eyes cloud over with happy tears. "Dance with me," he murmured, as he pulled away slightly and grabbed her hands in a waltz-like position.

"I think we should get back inside first," she said as she shivered from the cold.

He shook his head and tightened his hold on her as they danced to the soft music. "Where's your spirit, Lady Mary?" he asked, referring to her favorite show.

Elena laughed while she allowed him to move with her to the tune of the song. "She got a marriage proposal that day."

His eyes twinkled as he smirked down at her. "Since we already got that part done, how about an 'I'll love you forever' proposal?"

Elena looked up at him and was marveled at the beautifulness that was him. "I am fairly sure we already did that too," she whispered.

His head leaned down and he whispered onto her lips, "I love you so much, Elena."

"I love you too, Damon."

His cheek went to rest against hers as they danced. "I can't wait to grow old with you." His whisper warmed her insides and she sighed happily as they continued dancing under the twinkling lights of Caroline and Stefan's Winter Wonderland.

Nearly thirteen years after they lost their son and saw the world crumbling around them, Damon and Elena were happy in each other's arms as the snow covered the ground and blanketed everything in white, with the promise he made her the first time they met fulfilled and with a thousand more waiting to be achieved.


End file.
